A couple of months ago I talked about taking my wife's name when I get married as sort of a symbolic shedding of my father's name, which I am ashamed to bear and don't want to bear for the rest of my life. Don't get me wrong, I still want to go by a different name, but as I acclimate more to my new home country and the culture, I've become aware of a new option that might be more consistent with the norms here.
It seems as though most married couples in Mexico have both last names (they do the whole hyphenated name thing). In doing so, both spouses get to keep their last names and typically it's done in a "wife's name-husband's name" format (or in the case of same-sex couples [it's legal nationwide here] it can go either order), and then the children can be given either last name (though it's usually the father's name, and occasionally the mother's and even rarer both names).
With that in mind, I thought of another option that would work well for me, especially if I don't get married within the next few years. I love my mother dearly, and after her divorce was finalized (about 8 months before my father died) my mother reverted to her maiden name, and my youngest sister has also changed her name to my mother's maiden name.
In that light,
I am now seriously thinking of changing my surname to my mother's maiden name, and then if/when I get married, doing the hyphenated name thing, as is the norm around here. That way I still shed my worthless father's soiled name, and my wife still keeps her name. It seems like it could work. Of course, I'll never have to worry about naming children since I'm already committed to the childfree way of life (as will my wife, as that's a requirement I have for my future wife), so that'll never have to be addressed.
Maybe it's a bit far-fetched, but it seems like a great option, as in the highly possible event that I never get married, I can still get rid of my father's name. That right there is what I want more than anything right now.
Is there a reason you would want to shed your father's surname and take your mother's maiden name before getting married?
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Comments (74)
Guessed another one from the title, hah.
not at all. unlike yours, i guess, my dad has been an amazing father. if anything, i hesitate to take my SO's last name when i get married.
Or you could change your name to Max Power. Then you'd have the mane everyone would love to touch, but they mustn't touch. Your name would sound good in our ears, and when we say it we shouldn't fear, because you name can be said by anyone.
My ex and I talked about him doing something similar with his adopted father's last name where he would take his official birth name surname from the adoption agency before marriage. I think names are such a huge part of someone's identity that they should represent who he or she thinks he/she is.
I'm considering changing my name to the one I want my fiction to be published under, because I dislike my name (first and last). If I do, it will stick even after marriage (if I get married), and if I don't, I'll likely change my last name to my husband's/wife's... because I hate the way my last name sounds.
I see no reason your plan wouldn't work. Go for it. You'll be happier in the long run.
I sometimes think it would be nice to have both of my parents' names, not just my father's. But my mother took my father's name when she got married, so taking her maiden name when she no longer uses it seems a bit strange to me. But I don't think I want to get rid of my father's name. For one, even if we disagree on so many things, he is still a good man. For two, I've had his last name all my life.
I have considered legally changing my name so that I have both of my parents' surnames, as is customary in Ecuador, where I live. This would be partly to honor both of them, and partly so that I can stop explaining to legal officials that yes, I really do have only one last name. (I'm changing my first name, anyway, once I do some research on how to do it, so maybe I'll add my mother's maiden name while I'm at it)
I'm not too sure if I want to keep mine or take my future husband's surname. If his name wasn't too common then I'd take it but if it's like "Smith" or "Anderson" then I'll stick with mine since I like my surname.
i hope you last name right now isnt jones or brown or something so common. lol. cuz then, who cares. so i hope its unique! cuz then the big work up would be worthy of such thought. anyway, go with your moms name. done.
I dislike my last name, but just because it's awkward. My relationship with my father - albeit strained - has nothing to do with it. I look forward to taking my fiance's last name when we marry someday.
@ShirleyD@xanga - My current surname is Blair. When I change to my mother's maiden my new surname will be Males (how ironic, a synonym for "men" being my mother's maiden), and then when I get married I'll be (whatever)-Males. Whatever my married name ends up being it will be interesting because the combination will be an English name and a Hispanic name.
I had a friend who changed his last name completely when he got married. Instead of hyphenating his wife and his own surnames, they decided to combine parts of their last names to create a whole new surname. I thought it was interesting. Never heard of anyone doing that before.
Too bad your father was apparently a jerk...Blair is a cool last name.
I think it's a great idea though, given your family history and the fact that changing to your mother's maiden name could also be to honor her.
If I get married, I don't plan on changing my last name to my husband's. But I think there might be a Japanese law saying I have to, so if I marry a Japanese in Japan then I guess I'll have to do it.
idk, i mean, even if you change your last name, he's still your father regardless of all the crappy things you said he did. you can't change that, no matter what you do. he's still always going to be a part of you, and i think someday you're going to have to accept that to be truly free.
You're a sick and twisted fuck.
@Grtt@xanga - Yeah ditto that. This guy has an axe to grind...
Whatever makes you happy in the end. To be fair, I wouldn't want to share a surname with a war criminal either :P
@AlluringAddiction@xanga - Like I'm going to take that seriously coming from someone who sleeps around with married men. You're the one who should be ashamed of yourself!
@StatelessPilot@revelife - You're hilarious. Are you Curtis Bell, too?
@AlluringAddiction@xanga - I don't even know who Curtis Bell is.
Oh yeah, I'm so hilarious. At least I know it's morally reprehensible to go after married people! Sicko....
@StatelessPilot@revelife - Who said I went 'after' him? How is that lint trap of a foreskin treating ya?
@AlluringAddiction@xanga - Well, this isn't the first time you've pulled this shit. I know of at least one other Xangan's husband you went after (and I know because she told me everything). There might be more for all I know.
Not that my genitals have anything to do with me changing my name, but I'm quite enjoying the 3x more sensitivity and pleasure, TYVM.
@StatelessPilot@revelife - I can't wait to figure out who you really are.
@AlluringAddiction@xanga - Want to know who I am? Read the bio at the top right of the page. That's all you need to know, and that's all you will know. I always knew there was a reason behind me browsing behind a proxy, it's to keep people like you from stalking me.
@StatelessPilot@revelife - Stalking you? I have no interest in you more than your entertainment value.
My last name will be changed to "God," because that's who I am.
To be honest I don't really get why you had to make another post about this.