Saturday, 09 July 2011
-
I'm Intimidating? Seriously?
I'll just throw this out here: I'm not that lucky in the love department. I've had three relationships ever: the first lasted a year, plus three years of "let's just be friends, except we still clearly like each other" bull; the second lasted a month, but we slept together; and the third was, like, a week of a fail. The last two only happened this past year.Despite my recent but arguable success, I was never really good at attracting guys. Apparently I'm good-looking enough, I have a pretty decent social circle, and though I can be a bit obnoxious, I do my best to be a good person. (Except on the Internet -- I'm kind of an asshole here and I apologize.) But see, when all my friends have trains of men following them, I rarely if ever have just one.
Of course I ask myself, "Why not?" After years of contemplation, I consulted several of my friends, male and female, young and old. They basically all alluded to thus:
I'm intimidating.
....what?
I am not intimidating. I'm short, I'm kind of overweight, and I've been a complete dork all my life. I am what most people would consider "cute," an idea I've been viciously denying since childhood.
But perhaps that's my problem: I'm, uh, fierce?
Okay, I have a lot of guy friends. Therefore, I have some guy tendencies. One of those is my atrociously foul mouth, which usually comes out when I'm irritated about something... which I am. A lot. Okay, always. What's cool, though, is my rage comes out in comedic rants, and most of the people I know tend to like to hear me bitch because I'm funny (SO I'VE HEARD). They're usually never provocative, either, so I'm only offensive with my colorful language.
I am also intelligent. Yeah, yeah, tooting my own horn, but I am well-educated. This comes from my Hermione-ish love of academics, virtually straight A's since forever, two years spent in college prep high school, and then now two years of college. Point is, I'm not stupid, and therefore, I don't exactly tolerate ignorance. (Allow me to mention, though, I'm only 20, and therefore, I'm aware that I'm actually an idiot.)
And then there's my career. I am aspiring filmmaker, and at my tender age, I've landed an internship at one of the biggest studios in the world. If that's not cool enough, I regularly associate -- as in meet, hang out, and have lunch -- with the producers/executives. After college, I pretty much have a job, which is not something you hear out of a lot of art students.
Apparently, all of this makes me terrifying to talk to.
I mean, I have a temper, but I try my best to be kind to my fellow man. I'm aware of how ignorant I really am in the grand scheme of the world. And yeah, I have my foot in the door for my career, but I'm still just an intern. I'm still in school, learning my craft, just like everyone else. I'm just like everyone else. I cannot be intimidating.
Not to compare myself to a real celebrity, but I might see where Emma Watson is coming from when she says she can't find a date either. There's nothing wrong with her (DUH), but apparently, she has zero luck with the guys. I feel ya, hon! Though I think she has legitimately WAY more reason to be intimidating than I am now.
Has anyone ever told you you were "intimidating?" Is that even a reasonable excuse?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: Hermeown@xanga
- About Me: I don't know, you tell me.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 6241 Comments: 0 67 View all posts by Hermeown@xanga
Comments (68)
I've been told I'm intimidating...but heres where the real kicker is. Its been by guys I'm friends with who want to date me. One of my best guy friends told me that after a year of pining for me, he was going to ask me to date him (this 2 weeks after I started dating a different guy). I told him I had liked him a lot, and asked why he hadn't done it sooner. His excuse? Why would someone as pretty, smart, and funny as me want to date someone like him? He didn't think he had a chance in the world and proceeded to tell me he was intimidated by me.
I also got this from my neighbors when I moved into the dorms.
And from about 2 other friends who actually wanted to date me, not to mention other friends in random conversation.
I don't understand it at all, considering I'm about as harmless as they come. And its super frustrating.
I'm intimidating because I have bitch face syndrome and am also, subconsciously, veeeery defensive when it comes to guys and people can sense it. Not because I don't want them to approach me but because I'm in college and I can't help suspect they only want to get in my pants! I keep telling myself to be more approachable but at the end of the day I realize I've been doing the same thing as always =[
i get told i'm intimidating all the time.
my ex-boyfriend used to literally say "you're scary as shit" all the time. i didn't understand it. i still don't. but this kind of sums up my life hahah. <3
chea...i know what you mean. apparently i've been intimidating since high school. i can sorta see it, but really now? if you have just one conversation with me, everyone realizes i'm not. because of that, i started being really forward with guys/girls who i wanted to be friends with, just so they could realize that im not intimidating for the most part. i think it worked out really well. im 19, and also extremely academic/career driven as well, so maybe you should try that? ^^
I've been told that too. But I really don't have bitchy tendencies, and I'm sweet and kind to everyone, so I really don't understand why. Oh well, he just wasn't man enough to handle me.
bahahaha! yes! mainly cuz of sex. since my job was me basically being a damn sex therapist, guys had the worst time getting over that. they felt i would sexually overwhelm them or something with my knowledge. that my expectations were going to be so high. that apparently i must be so experienced therefore their dick shriveled into jello. that sure was something. lol. in truth i was/am a normal girl and who i was at the workplace was well, the work me. not the dating me. so that was a struggle. i tried avoiding the "what do you do" question. oh, and if it didnt intimidate them, it drove them to want to know me sexually rather than know me as a person. so dating has been awful for me. =/
You go girl! Emma Watson is so cool and it's okay to compare yourself to celebs every now and then. They are human too and we shouldn't put them on a pedestal just because. Just be you and forget what the haters say. One day you'll meet someone even more amazing and the two of you will finally meet your match in conversations. ;)
People used to think I was super intimidating, but I was, deliberately because I didn't want to date anyone. At all. In high school I was very stand-offish because I just wasn't interested.
I've been told I have the word "TAKEN" written on my forehead by more than a few people. Kinda kills my self-esteem at times (I would like to occasionally throw out a, "Thanks. I'm really flattered, but I'm taken" :D ), but I'm sure my husband doesn't mind it. Lol.
Apparently, I always look pissed or sullen. Sorry, that's just my face. It doesn't help that I'm not bubbly and like you, I'm very intolerant of many different types of people. Namely, the very shallow, the willfully ignorant, college students who'd rather get wasted than make good use of the education their parents are paying for, shitty mothers, people who ignore you for no good reason, and so on.
If I hadn't met a man who saw something worthwhile in me, I'd probably still be single. I get pissed a lot. I vent a lot. I appear self-righteous to a lot of people because I have no tolerance for bullshit. But whatever my fiance sees in me (which I have no idea what that thing is), I'm glad for it. I want to be a psychiatrist, and with all my talk about med school, he's encouraged me and told me that I can do it, and is behind me on whatever my plans are. I don't know of many guys who would be comfortable with their future wife having a full career (especially since we want to be parents one day, too).
So you're not alone on the personality factors!
I was told once or thrice that I was creepy or kind of forward, when I was trying to be honest and romantic. Long ago, I had just accepted that the dating pool was contaminated with something much more than alcohol and acid.
I have been told many, many times for years and years by guys (both considerably older and considerably younger) that I am intimidating. Friends (who actually love me, lol) say that I intimidate men but can never explain how I do it.
A few years ago, a guy ten years younger than me mentioned that he found me intimidating and so I threaten to beat the crap out of him until he told me why. The only thing he'd offer up was that I was the "whole package", whatever the hell that means.
I take it in stride though. The guys I've dated all found me intimidating too... until they sat down and learned the kind of person I was. So, I tend to see it as a bonus... wimpy, pansy boys don't ask me out. lol
That lady looks like Sheeva. Like, I wouldn't be surprised if she was trying to be Sheeva. Just an observation.
@not_your_concern@xanga - I noticed that, too! Haha.
I'm intimidating because I'm emotionally distant
.
No one's ever told me I'm intimidating, but I sometimes wonder if I might be. I'm not particularly good-looking, but I'm a singer/composer who has worked with musicians from all over the world. I don't have much luck with men, and one of my ex-boyfriends told me he just didn't see how he would fit into my life with my wanting to have my big music career.
I've never been told that I was intimidating.
No ones told me that i'm intimidating but I often wonder; do I have a "do not disturb" or "back off" written on my head. Is it the face that I have on (ie. bitch face or warrior face)? is it my body language? is it the fact that I don't bother making I contact with people at public-y areas (such as the gym)?
I think I am intimidating to my guy friends as well. hahaha. But it's alright! I am sure you will eventually stumble upon a guy who thinks your intimidating qualities to be cute :)
I've been told I'm intimidating because I have bitch face and because I'm so sarcastic and serious at the same time. People don't understand it sometimes. Guys think it's funny because I think just like them, so that must mean I have the same relationship mentality as them (which is true sometimes). I also work super hard and I'm on my way to getting everything in my own name (I'm 19, and attempting to pay my OWN bills, not my on my mother's plans anymore). I know exactly what I want, and I'm not scared (okay, sometimes) to go after it.
I don't know. I guess the ones who see through it or whatever are the ones who are worth it... Right?!
-shrug- No one has ever said I'm intimidating, but I can see why I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 19: I'm intelligent, I was super-thin, so I hid all my curves in baggy shirts and Hot Topic bondage pants, and I didn't wear a lot of makeup.
noone has told me that im intimidating but ive been suspecting it lately. This one time me and my besties were at a club and they kept getting hit on by this dudes and i found myself coaching them on how to get them to back off. It suddenly dawned on me that they were really good at attracting guys while for some reason i was really good at getting them to back off. On top of that, it doesnt help that im the quiet type so i guess it's hard for guys to read past my outward appearance. sigh.
I grew up around guys. In fact all of my friends are guys. I also grew up as a tomboy u can say? So I do come off as intimidating and I have heard people tell me how intimidating I can be. However I personally don't mind coming across as an intimidating bitch. It makes dating funner in a way. I believe it also narrows down the bull that guys give girls because your too much to handle. It takes a REAL man to handle a strong woman. So why not embrace it (just dont over do it)? You will cut down on the lil boy drama guys tend to give. Honestly I wish I had stayed single.
I've had several guys who have liked me, dated me, or are just good friends tell me that I'm intimidating. When I asked why they see me like that I've been given several reasons. It comes down to that I'm a driven, confident, independent female who knows what she wants and how to get there and isn't afraid to tell you what she thinks. Now, I'm far from being a badass chick (in fact I'm usually described as the type of girl that you could take home to your family) but apparently the sugar and spice combination makes men think twice.
I don't try to intimidate men, but I'm not bothered that they feel that way about me (even if I think they're crazy). I figure that if they like and care about me enough they'll figure out a way to get over it.
People get intimidated by my honesty. Its frightening to a lot of people I know. The other side of the coin is that other people are empowered and inspired by it.