I am having an emotional dilemma with Miss Lady. I love the girl, I do. She makes me feel like me, instead of like the imposter I usually feel like when I am in a relationship. I tell her everything, and she tells me everything. All her little ticks and habits come off as adorable and not annoying to me. She is open to suggestions if I express my concern that she is perhaps doing something incorrectly. She never makes me feel stupid, or ugly, or fat.
She always goes out of her way to make me feel special and loved.
However...
Miss Lady is in the army. We are a gay couple.
This presents a problem for me. She is getting out next year so it isn't going to be a huge issue for too much longer, but for right now--for me at least--it is.
Because at the moment we only have one vehicle, we have kind of been playing leap frog with the car. At 5am she wakes up and gets ready for physical training, and I get up, tend to My Flower Child, and start getting breakfast ready so that when she strolls in the door at 7:30am after physical training, she can jump in the shower. By the time she is out, breakfast is on the table, and her coffee is all fixed up. We eat, she puts on her uniform, and I run next door to drop off My Flower Child.
We then get in the car, and I take her onto post, where I drop her off at for work. This is where the problem occurs.
She wants to always kiss me good bye. Mind you she is in uniform, on post, with her commanders in sight.
I know that "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" has been repealed but it hasn't taken effect yet. As of this moment,
on the base, you can still get a dishonorable discharge from the United States Army for homosexual conduct. She says her unit doesn't care, and that they all know anyway.
My problem is that I don't want to be the reason that some PFC (Private First Class) Rear-D jerk who doesn't know Miss Lady decides he is afraid of his own closet homosexuality to go crying to the Division Commander and put her up on board.
We live together in a two bedroom apartment, where one bedroom is occupied by My Flower Child. If that were to ever happen, we would be screwed.
Our Facebooks say that we are in a domestic partnership, and there are pictures of us kissing all over them both.
If she was ever sent to Review Board on this charge, there would be no fighting it.
What would you do in my shoes? Is it worth having my good bye kiss and run the risk of having her lose her career and possibly a shot at ANY career after?
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Comments (14)
This is a tough one. I think that since DADT has been repealed, honestly if they discharged her there would be legal actions she could take. I also think it's actually really cute that she doesn't give a shit and is just doing her thing. DADT should never have existed in the first place, and gays should be allowed to serve in the military.
That said it does sound like she's not taking it as seriously as you are, have you actually expressed your concerns to her like this? My boyfriend is in the Navy and we talk about it a lot because he feels like he's not doing as well as he should be and he wants to maybe go into politics and he feels like if he doesn't go above and beyond in the Navy it will affect his political career. Which I realize isn't the same thing, but I can sort of relate.
Although I have been on the record for saying that I am not in support of the repeal of DADT (you can find Essay here if you are interested), you should have nothing to worry about (here is the news article). No branch is going to discharge anymore service members because DADT is in the process of being Certified. Technically, it can be brought to the attention, but the Pentagon has gone on record to say no one will be discharged anymore under DADT. Hope that helps your problem.
If you can get a dishonorable discharge from homosexual conduct in the armed forces, how come they allow it in the Navy?
I don't want her to get in trouble, but at the same time you guys should be happy. If your really need the money and you're not making enough to support the two of you if she does get in trouble then just lay low.
hmm if everyone knows & it's all over your facebooks, i don't think it should be a very big deal.
I'm pretty sure no one would mind unless your girlfriend was a bitch to her cohorts. As long as she didn't cause anyone trouble no one really cares. Granted, I'm not in the Army, I get recess and nap time, so things might be different in another branch.
@thisiswhereItellyoueverything@xanga - DADT hasn't been repealed yet, it's still in the process.
In response to this post, if I were in your shoes, I would think about her career that the two of you are putting in jeopardy. If she's reported, it results in a dishonorable discharge, which looks like shit on a resume and she'll have a tough time getting a job. Even if it is all over your Facebooks, generally people don't give a shit, or they don't want to be responsible for ruining a career; when you run across someone who does give a shit, or a superior who has to address the situation (or it's their ass on the line), then she's screwed. Honestly, I feel like if you two really love each other, you can forgo the goodbye kiss and just wait till you're in private, or at least out of uniform. Even in uniform, kissing someone or showing physical affection is just unprofessional. I hope that helps!
dude, its like 60 days after congress signs it in. have some self-control.
@Chibi_Son_Gokou@xanga - Are you trying to make fun of seamen?
I was in the Navy, and it's true that a command can be lax about this kind of stuff (I've been to command parties where the gay partner shows up as the guest). But it's also true that it only takes one idiot to rock the boat.
I think though, it's her career. Leave it up to her. Good luck!
I think thats FUCKED up about the dont ask dont tell crap! Why the HELL Should anyone care about what they do??... Im completely straight but I literally do not care what people do with their own lives and its none of my business.. Now if more people were like me eh? ;)
@thisiswhereItellyoueverything@xanga - I have expressed my concern to her, and she just kind of brushes me off like she doesn't care. :(
@Diary_of_a_fatman@xanga - I didn't know that, thanks for the update. :)
@Chibi_Son_Gokou@xanga - I was in the Navy, and have actually had to sit on boards for homosexual conduct, so I am not sure where you got that it was allowed. It really depends on who doesn't like you in any branch.
@theflowerstem@xanga - That's generally what I try to do, when she isn't in uniform it's one thing, but on post, in uniform, I guess it just makes me uncomfortable.
@writemyheartt@xanga - That would seem the case, except that no one she works with is on her facebook for percisely that reason. When she was in Afghanistan this last time, an E-8 with a hair up her butt brought it up but it was thrown out. After that, she deleted everyone she works with and made her page private.
@Not_a_real_site@xanga - She kind of keeps her head down and does her job. She does hang out with a few people out side of work but not really. As far as I know she has a pretty good relationship with everyone in her office, but I am not there, so she could just be placating me.
@Amazon_Bunny@xanga - That is kind of how I feel about it too, but when she gets it into her head to do something, it is nigh impossible to get it OUT again.
@deathcantholdme@xanga - Very constructive...
@bbanmen420@xanga - In a perfect world, everyone would feel that way I think.
Personally, I think it is good to be realistic. You can do all the lovey-dovey stuff in private, no? Why risk your futures and careers over such a small matter?? (Although, I am aware that some people may not consider this a small matter as it concerns our human-rights and freedoms that we are entitled to as Americans).... but honestly... we need money to survive in this world. Money and social status... it's important. Just... think of it in a positive way...??