Monday, 04 July 2011
-
When Things Aren't Shiny and New Anymore
I am a happily single guy. I've had 5 serious relationships ranging from 1-3 years. It has been about two years since one of those and I've just been "dating" various women since then. It is fun and I am content. It isn't that I don't want a long term relationship, it is just that I haven't met anyone I've connected with on that level. If I meet that person during my travels in single land then great; if not, I'll just continue on my journey.I am not a Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp lookalike. I am not a struggling artist or tattoo guy without a job and who owns a lifted truck that so many women seem to love. I am just an educated and professional guy with a decent job, a good personality and sense of humor. Oh and my grandma repeatedly told me how cute I was, so I have that going for me. I do okay as far as meeting women.
I made a New Year's resolution this year. I promised that I would try to stop sleeping with girls who I could not see myself actually dating. You all know what I mean. The person you have hot sex with and then feel embarrassed about it the next day and hope that most people don't find out about it. This is a bad habit many people fall into in an effort to satisfy our sexual desires. I have been somewhat successful in avoiding that. It has been a fun and interesting journey. I have been able to meet some genuinely interesting people.
I had hoped this would help me find a relationship but It hasn't worked out. The last women I dated was fun, educated and sexy. When we met it was immediately tingle inducing. We connected on a level well above just sexual attraction and I commenced courting this woman. Texts throughout the week during work, dates here and there and everything was fun and exciting. I was sure this was going to be my long term girlfriend.
After a little while we slept together. That first night was fantastic; she stayed over and I did not want her to leave. Then she came over a few nights later and I couldn't wait to see her. The next morning after we showered together and were drying off something happened. I looked at her and suddenly it hit me, "I don't want to be in a relationship with this person." I have no idea what happened.
I'm a little confused. I'm sure it was not just lust wearing off, I really enjoyed her company. So now I'm wondering, what's up with me?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: Voltaire
- Name: Voltaire
- Location: Orange County, California, United States
- About Me: I'm just a single guy trying to focus on career and have some fun along the way. All the while hoping to meet new and interesting people. I love reading. History and philosophy but I've also got a dark secret genre I'll tell you about if we get to know each other. I Love movies and having pseudo-intellectual conversations about them. I strive to surround myself with positive people and to be positive myself. I like people who can discuss the world around them. I wake up every morning and try to think about how I can do something better. I am an excellent mini-golf player. I almost went pro but a tragic injury caused by an assault from one of my competitors ended my career :(
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 2633 Comments: 0 18 View all posts by Voltaire
Comments (18)
A new found fear of commitment?
Maybe you've gained the habit of losing interest after you've slept with some a couple of times.
Or maybe deep down, you just know she's not it.
Try again?
that's how I feel when I go shopping and buy a new pair of shoes for example. I see the shoes and want it badly, then I try to convince myself that I don't need yet another pair of shoes, but I can't stop thinking about it. so I go back the next day to buy it and when I finally have it, I get excited while I'm trying it on and prancing around. the excitement is gone quicker than a kid with a new toy. later another pair of shoes catches my attention
and the same thing happens until I have dozens of shoes. now I window shop instead and the excitement lingers and teases me because I won't buy them even though they are sexy and screaming for me to have my way with them:D
Your guess is as good as mine! Maybe you slept with her too quick? Maybe there was just something about her that turned you off that you can't quite get your finger on?
"And the talking leads to touching, and the touching leads to sex, and then there is no mystery left."
It's hard to say, really.
On the one hand, trusting your gut is kind of a big thing, and by no means should you discount it.
But on the other, this is the first time that you've been exposed to the possibility of commitment after a fairly long span of casual dating. I think it's natural for a lot of people to be scared of that possibility. If you're genuinely interested in this girl, then I think what you should do is give it a chance and keep going. If the bad feelings persist, you're giong to have to think of a way to let her down easy.
I don't know if that helps at all, but it's how I feel about the situation given what you've told us.
sounds to me like your gut is saying - "this woman is too good to be true. if she burns me, i won't know what to do. i don't want to be with her!"
You sound excatly like a guy I casually dated for a bit...and the same thing happened to us. He just stopped calling and I still don't have an anwser to why. But you should see what happens, give it a bit of time and if you still feel the same then cut it off. Maybe she will feel the same way. Good luck!!!
I was listening to Money by Pink Floyd while reading this and for some reason, the song really fit the moment. Interesting.
"The person you have hot sex with and then feel embarrassed about it the
next day and hope that most people don't find out about it."-sooo funny hahahah
but idk wait a week and see if things change, might just be a weird mood.
maybe it was too much cuteness too soon... like way too fast. or maybe, youre just not that into her.
It is impossible for me intelligently respond until you tell me what, in your opinion, makes a woman datable. And then consider the following: Are these things, traits, characteristics really what you want or what you THINK you want in a woman you'd like to date.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - The procelain doll has it correctly with her shoe fetish analogy.
You got the prize. For you, the thrill was in the newness and the chase, now that's over.
On Mad Men, don draper has the same problem and one chick screamed at him "You only like the beginnings of things"
that is you
you tell me. i guess the match wasnt close enough and other things set in.
You know I had this talk with my friend. He said that sometimes at one point, a guy or girl will hit a point where the attraction dies. This is where you make the decision...is s/he good enough that I can continue loving him/her despite my lack of feelings? Does she keep my happy even though I don't see her the same way I used to?
Love isn't about those feelings of attraction...it's about respect and commitment.
This kind of scares me. The fact that feelings for someone can disappear within a blink of an eye. With me, it's the complete opposite, like a never-ending gobstopper, you keep sucking and you're constantly discovering a new flavor. People are complex, I'm still learning new things about my sisters, who I have known since I was born. So, yeah, for me, the shiny and new doesn't really go away. Maybe the people you've been with were just boring? My boyfriend is my best friend, we share everything, we confide in each other, we support each other, we laugh together, and we make each other happy and that never gets old.
I've been here a few times, personally I know I don't want a relationship and that I'm better off figuring myself out being single. But then I meet someone who I have amazing sexual chemistry with, we can make each other laugh, we have tons in common and enough to disagree on to keep things interesting. Seemingly, good boyfriend material.
I think what happens there is you start looking for it and finding things that aren't really there out of the excitement and you start taking things too fast, spending too much time together then BAM you find yourself "tied down" which in theory is appealing, but when it comes down to it she isn't the right gal to be tying you down and you know it.
lol. bugger. give it time.