Saturday, 02 July 2011
I'm not super religious or anything but I'm not some layless lame either. I like to think of myself as somewhere inbetween. But its something thats been bothering me. I forgot how much sex was the main topic of discussion even when I was practically a kid. Since joining xanga i've seen the debate and read many comments from the religious stance and from the not so religious stance.
I think sex is something that everyone has to decide on for themselves. The importance of that statement is reduced by all types of things such as dogma, doctrine, demographics, (forgive all the d's) rearing, personal stories and God knows what else. The thing that I feel most people don't acknowledge is that people have to experience things in order to learn from them.
If your parents were married before ever having sex, conceiving you and having the happiest family in the history of the world, then thanks to that wonderful example being set by your parents, you may have a much easier time holding off for Mr./Mrs. right. If your parents were pregnant with you in high school and had to skip out on college to raise you and somehow managed to acquire the means to live comfortably, that doesn't mean you'll do equally well.
What I'm saying is often times we don't account for differences in circumstances. And difference in circumstance doesn't have to entail any type of Cultural-Relativism or anything. The thing is we all like to preach our beliefs. We are all justified in the stances we take on subjects and there is little anyone can do to change our minds.
What I do have trouble with is our intolerance for each others opinions. When I see two people going at it, and practically wish death upon one another it really gets me down. That after all our intelligence and sovereignty over lesser life forms, we can reduce ourselves to hating one another for differing beliefs is the epitome of degradation of humanity as a whole. Alas, here's my own experience and I apologize if this took on lecture form!
Yeah, I said it...and yeah I'm a guy no matter who may think otherwise after reading this post! But here it is!
I first became sexually active as a teenager in high school. All the guys were talking about it, all the girls were promiscuous, not to mention media and music have never done much to deter us from this fast lane of sexuality. It didn't help that my first and I were head-over-heels in love and were certain that we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Long story short it changed everything. Some things for the better, some for the worst. Lemme explain.
First things first, it was amazing! I'll spare the details but I don't regret it, and I'm glad it was with her. That was the good! Now for the bad.
I moved away and our relationship was deteriorating. I could see that, and so could she, but there wasn't much we could do about it. We tried everything from A-Z. In the end I opted for us to end it. We were too attached. We were like one in the same and couldn't imagine ourselves being with anyone else. We were in way too deep, and looking back, I can honestly say the sex is what took us there.
I started to realize it and suggested that we just remain friends, until our situations changed, but she wasn't having it. It was all or nothing! It was like if I left then nothing else existed. I held firm in my conviction, and though it was hard we separated. That didn't stop her from implementing all types of strategies and tactics to rekindle what we once had but it didn't work. Ok maybe we were too young. Here's situation number two.
My first college girlfriend. Once again I'll spare the details. The thing was, we moved way too fast! I'm the type of person that thinks if it's right it'll happen when it happens. Maybe I was right and maybe I was wrong, but if it never happened I would never have learned what I know today.
Fact of the matter is the sex was amazing! We reached a really sensual place with loads of passion involved. I learned alot and it definitely helped that our sex drives sorta matched cuz we were like a couple of toads. The bad thing was that's as far as we managed to get. We ignored alot of things in the beginning that came back to bite us in the butt later.
I dealt with as much as I could and when I snapped it's like the feelings I had for her did the same. She was always unhappy but for some reason she couldn't come to terms with the idea of us separating when I brought it up. The sex was all we had left. And she seemed to be using it to hold us together. In the end, it was me again that had to practically pry her arms from around me and say
"That's enough, we can't keep doing this to ourselves."
So maybe we moved too fast and should have never reached the sexual part of our relationship, or maybe that was bound to happen to prove that we were never meant to be! Either way I've been reflecting A HELL OF A LOT and this is what I came up with.
It's cliche, but it's the truth. Sex can be a beautiful experience that can take you and your partner to higher levels of commitment and places that the English language can't even begin to put into words. The thing is, it's a two-sided coin, and that other side ain't so damn pretty. It can change everything for the worse. It can ruin a perfectly good friendship, and change feelings of innocent love into unwavering hatred. It's not something to toy around with.
Sex has always been something that I left up to the girl. Now I think I have the knowledge and the will power to turn that around. In my experience, sex seems to turn the voltage up on things. It's made me question myself, it's made me take someone back who cheated, it's forced attachments on a relationship that should have never lasted as long as it did and it's brought me a lot of pain.
It's physically stimulating and emotionally satisfying but there is much to consider when indulging oneself in it because it is most certainly a double-edged sword. I realize what matters most is if you're with someone who makes it special. Personally, I want to wait a REALLY long time in the future. Unless we agree otherwise, I don't want sex complicating things beyond repair. There's also the chance we may not work out and sex definitely has a drastic effect on being able to move on. Guys don't like to admit it but it does. It's why we fool around with our ex after breaking up. Yeah it's stupid, but thats just us!
It just makes me wonder how many people have regretted having been sexually active but never evaluated it enough to know why.