Sometimes it really has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you're a nice guy.
Sometimes, believe it or not, it is not your generous nature that puts me off, or that I have daddy issues. No, every now and then, I just don't feel the connection. I'm not throwing all "nice guys" into the same category, but in my personal experience, I've seen nice guys do everything by the book, and walk away dejected and rejected, wondering what they did wrong. What they don't seem to realize is that it isn't always what they did wrong, but rather what was wrong about what they did right.
Often enough, I see these guys do all the right things, but at the wrong time. You put all your romantic efforts into wooing the lady, doing everything you can to win her over, not even stopping to check the awkward signals of rejection along the way.
I have nothing against nice dates and romantic gestures, in a relationship. But nothing makes me more uncomfortable than receiving all of that while still getting to know a man. I have had quite a few friends come to me over the years, frustrated that the more they protested gifts and attention, the more they tried.
The problem seems to be that these guys didn't understand that they were rejecting the offered attention and gifts because they didn't know where it was going, or where they wanted it to go, and did not want to feel guilted into it after letting them do all those wonderful things.
Yet they insisted, they felt increasingly uncomfortable, until they finally rejected him altogether, upset he had not gotten the message in the first place. He responds by being upset they had not rejected him, over the attention, in the first place, instead allowing him to continue to pursue them.
The reason they don't reject you off the bat is because in the beginning you do actually have a chance. It's just either the wrong time and they really want to wait, or they don't know you well enough. Treating them as if they were your girlfriend is genuinely sweet, but if they are protesting and feel uncomfortable, you need to recognize that it's not a sign that they want to be treated badly, or want a "bad boy" over a "nice guy". It simply means it's not the right time.
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Oh snap.
"It simply means it's not the right time."
Aye, the right time is usually when the chick has had her fill of heartbreak/fun from the douchebags and opts to go for the "nice guy" because he's a provider, the "sloppy seconds" or the "backup" or the "settling" option because she thinks she can't win over the douchebags.
Either that, or the "nice guys" are no different or any more moral than the douchebags. The only difference to how they try to get laid is their method, not much more than that. You'll find moral douchebags as often as you'll find greasy sleazebag "nice guys". Chicks can figure out more easily if the guy is open about his desires (douchebag) than those who try to hide it behind fancy words and cute gestures (sleazebag "nice guy"). (Or is it the other way around? Hmm...)
*Shrugs* but what do I know, I'm just a guy...
I've dated a few nice guys where it kind of wasn't the right time...but then I felt like it would never be the right time for him. I didn't like a guy who gave me too much and acted too into the relationship right off the bat because it was a little suspicious. Why was he trying to create a relationship so fast and was he trying to hide something? Instant intimacy or an instant relationship isn't always what girls want, yet what "nice" guys do sometimes. Not all are like that.
I also didn't like feeling that I couldn't repay him because he'd spend so much money on me...guess I'm not one of those girls who wanted a Cinderella story. I like having someone equal to me so that I don't feel like I'm sponging off the guy because he pays for everything and does everything for me.
It's sounds backwards but that's just me.
The last guy that I dated had that issue. We went on one date, and hung out in 2 group settings. I'd known him all together for less than a month (2 or 3 weeks tops). He was trying to introduce me to his family, mentioned holidays, and tried to take care of me. It would have been sweet if I'd known him longer. The fact that he worried about my allergies was nice.. the fact that he didn't know what I was allergic to and tried to keep me away from EVERYTHING was not. I tried telling him after the first date when he mentioned meeting his parents that I wanted to get to know him because I don't usually feel a relationship connection with people who I don't know well...
I ended up just telling him I wanted to be friends because he was moving too quickly and it was making me uncomfortable. The he constantly had depressing FB statuses about heartbreak for about 3 days...
I don't want to be treated like shit, but don't act like I'm your girlfriend when I've known you for 2 weeks.
@Joobie82@xanga - I feel the same way. To me a relationship is a partnership.
@Btrfly_Wngs@xanga - Right, and it's not so much about if he has money, it's about whether or not I feel like he's trying to buy me over.
i dunno who this supposed nice guy is. it always sounds like the "nice guy" is just a guy bitter about being rejected. you dont see us ladies calling ourselves "the nice girl" just cuz we are rejected. throwing ourselves a pity fest over it. @_@ anyway, i only want a nice, sweet, sexually devious guy. where do i get one of those? suggestions? anyone? =) haha
I tend to like guys, who don't fall for me so easily, and have a sexy attitude
some guys are nice but for some reason, they also annoy me. it depends. I can't really describe it but I just know if I'm feeling him or not. if he does things for me and I don't feel butterflies in my stomach but I think he is obnoxious, then it just isn't going to work. it isn't necessarily his looks either. there have been tall and good looking guys, who have pursued me, but I think it was usually something that he said that turned me off, and he often doesn't realize what exactly he said and there's just a red flag trigger or other unappealing thing that happened along the way when he is courting me that made me not that into him. I think that's what they call chemistry or lack of.
OR you could be the nicest guy in the world, but if we don't have chemistry its not going to happen.
just because you are attracted to me doesn't mean that i am or should be attracted to you, or that i owe you a chance. i owe you nothing.
i'm getting rather sick of guys who label themselves as "nice guys" who can't take no for an answer, or insist that we give them a chance or think there must be something wrong with US to not be interested in you. to me, that's not very nice or mature behavior.
everyone is not going to be attracted to everyone else, that's life. if you guy's were really so "nice" you'd be more understanding about that.
One question - what do you people considered a "nice guy" to be? I just know that every guy is normal. There are some who are caring, considerate, respectful, whose always there for you and others who don't really give a fuck about you, do what they want, treat you like shit, etc. If that's the difference between a "nice guy" and a "bad boy" then I'll definitely choose the nice guy. But there is also a difference between a nice guy vs a clingy guy who wants to get with you asap by trying to impress you by whatever they can get their hands on.
Really, I just get tired of all this "nice guy" crap and I'm a freaking woman!!!
If there no chemistry...a relationship cannot happen.
I think too many nice guys think they are "nice guys" but they really aren't.
I hear a lot of "nice guys" whining about not getting picked, because they're like SOOO NICE, how could she possibly reject him? This is just a different variation of douchebag. Not everyone is going to have chemistry with you, and if a guy pursues me aggressively and I say that I'm not interested and he's like "Just give me a chance!" over and over, I think he's an asshole. I don't care if he's a self-proclaimed "nice guy." It's not nice to pressure people into something they don't want. Pursue someone who's interested.
That said, I'm dating a guy who is definitely a ridiculously nice guy, very respectful and caring, honest and direct. We met in high school and he liked me then, but I didn't date anyone in high school. Years later we were chatting on Facebook and he asked if he could come visit me, and bought a plane ticket to come see me. He didn't act like he expected anything from me while he was visiting, and when we kissed he basically waited to see if it was what I really wanted. I don't even remember my first kiss with any of my exes, but I remember my first kiss with him. Now we live together and we're going to get married. So yeah. GENUINE nice guys don't finish last.
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So, what you are saying is that women don't communicate? Thats what I see in this post. Women don't let the man know they want to take it slow. They just tell them to stop while giving them no reason? How the hell is a guy suppose to know what is going on if the female doesn't let him know?
I know how to communicate and when someone is pursuing a relationship with me, I let them know what I like/want and what I dont. That is what you are suppose to do. I like nice guys, they are amazing. You and women like you are just writing them off because you are lazy and think that men should read your mind.
@alayshaj@xanga - there was plenty of communication that was simply misread. The girls had explained they wanted to take things slow and that was precisely WHY they felt uncomfortable accepting all the gifts and attention. The men simply took it as a challenge instead of a polite "please back off" until the situation escalated.
"It's just either the wrong time and they really want to wait, or they don't know you well enough. "
Sorry, but I call BS on that. I've seen plenty of girls do that (to me at points in time as well as to plenty of other guys I know) and then almost instantly the girl starts dating a complete jackass who treats her horribly, cheats on her, etc and they're "in love" with him. I think the greatest one I had like that was a few years back where I met a girl, we became great friends, she said she was into me and we went out a few times, then she pulls the "I don't want a bf right now" line - less than a week later she's dating a guy who won't publicly admit to dating her, cheats on her (sometimes with underage girls), and insults her all the time - but she's "in love" with him and wouldn't ever break up with him. Then she tells me a year or two into this that "she can tell me things she can't talk about with him".......so why the fuck are you dating this guy again if you can't tell him about big things going on in your life?
Girls hate guys who are nice to them and love assholes - so I did the intelligent thing and became an asshole....now I get multiple girls at a time chasing me wanting me to date them. It's utterly moronic.