Thursday, 30 June 2011
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Male and Female Roles in Relationships
This post was submitted by an anonymous user.
No matter how much our surroundings change, there are some things that remain the same, one thing in particular – gender roles in relationships.
From the male’s perspective there are things that are expected of him regardless of whether or not they were suggested or hinted at by another person. Chivalry is not an outdated male role no matter what you might think (previously wrote a blog about Chivalry). Believe it or not, but women still appreciate their man opening the door for them, pulling out their chair or even driving. But at the same time, men like a woman with inner strengthand appreciate that she is able to carry herself, be independent and take charge when the need arises.
Some of the most basic gender specific roles have been around since the beginning of time including the most common gender role that the man is the sole provider for his household and the woman is the “stay-at-home mom.” Some other simple gender roles include: the man paying for dates or the man should be the one to ask the woman out on a date or propose.
I think it’s safe to say that in a lot of relationships today, these gender roles apply. Things in today’s society are not much different from when our grandparents were teenagers in the sense that if someone breaks away from the norm, society will generally look down upon them with a disapproving look and eyes full of judgment.
While I personally believe that these gender roles are important and play a big part in relationships today, I also think that each couple has found something that works for them and what works for one couple doesn’t always work for another.
If the man and woman in the relationship are happy and confident with themselves, then I think it’s safe to say they are perfectly capable of creating a happy and healthy relationship and have a say in what makes their relationship work. What matters most is that the man and woman are in agreement with their roles and that each is dedicated to giving 100% to the relationship. Male and female roles will always exist in relationships, but they can vary for each relationship. Roles in a relationship are important – they give each person a specific responsibility and help prevent disagreements and misunderstandings.
It’s simple, whatever roles the man and woman play in their relationship, it’s important that you clearly discuss and agree on them.
I think you’ll notice a pattern in most of my blogs, COMMUNICATION IS KEY! It’s important to communicate everything in order to avoid frustration, hurt, confusion, blame, disagreements, you name it!
What type of roles do you and your significant other have in your relationship? What works best for you?
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Comments (20)
My boyfriend and I have interesting roles in our relationship, not in the big "who's taking care of who" way, because we both take care of ourselves. We also don't plan on having kids, so we don't have to deal with that changing our roles.
But I feel like he's more sensitive than I am emotionally, he communicates better than I do which is traditionally more of a female thing I guess, he gets woozy at the sight of blood, he cries far more often than I do.Sometimes I feel bad for feeling like he's wimpy, but I never call him out on it because I'd feel like a jerk if I did.
Other than that, I feel like I work really hard to maintain my independence and he's very respectful toward me so our roles are pretty equal I think.
since the beginning of time or since the beginning of your time?
i think as far as relationship roles goes... we fall into a natural role ourselves as individuals.-- like for me im a feeler, leader, and very visual person. obviously thats what id be good at. people i like tend to be sexy mysterious very stable, romantic, and able to take charge of things and be a good person- people just blend how they blend.
i do think the roles are fun to fall back on:3 ha i always like to play them up because i think they're fun and they make the guys feel all macho. :3 which is hot. i do think i tend to be a little lady stereotypical in the way i feel about things. and i do love the cook, and make things pretty. lol and shop. and i will only be with guys who can also make things happen and take the lead its about 50/50 but i like in the beginning how some can approach things. super hot.
i think emotionally speaking guys are a little puppyish. they're so cute and love attention and to be pampered. and i need someone who can kind of dig and flatter and adore me the same.
I have to disagree based on my own observations. My brother has argued that this is how it should be. The woman should always stay home - now his way of putting it is a different argument all together. Still though, when I look around at all my friend's parents' relationships, the woman is always the head of the household. She is the glue that holds them together. They both work, but she is the one that makes the decisions. When the kids ask the dad something he always says - go ask your mother. That's how I've always seen it in every relationship except my parents.
It depends on the personality types, imo. In my relationship, for example, my boyfriend is naturally submissive. He has always done everything he's told by his parents, and likes to have rules or suggestions to follow. He doesn't make many, if any, decisions himself. I however, have a very domineering personality. I like things my way. I'm bossy. I'm a bitch. When it comes to decisions I like to just make them and get it over with. So he is happier when I'm making the decisions, and I'm happier being in control of what goes on in my life. We don't fit into those gender roles. We take turns paying. Although, he does tend to buy me more expensive gifts for birthdays/christmas because he just has more money than me. He's told me on multiple occasions that he'd like to be a stay-at-home husband (we don't want kids so that would just be pure laziness) with me making all the money. He'd love that. But it isn't going to happen.
The original poster is confusing relationship roles with gender roles.
Relationship roles exist as a sort of division of labor between partners. One person tends to deal with certain things, while the other takes care of the rest. It's usually a lot easier this way.
Gender roles demand that an individual take certain relationship roles purely based on their sexual organs. There's no reason a man shouldn't do the cooking and cleaning while his female significant other fulfills the duties of the breadwinner. Gender roles are archaic and need to be thrown out.
As far as chivalry goes, at the core it's just a man being nice to a woman. Sure, women like that. Men also like it when women are nice to them. People should be nice to people, especially in relationships. Let's not bring gender into this.
Gender roles are not necessary for a relationship to be successful, rather the enforcement of these gender roles can be a disaster.
And the importance of gender roles have changed drastically!
Now there are women who are taking on being the breadwinner, now men are taking a bigger role in their own children's lives.
I believe that gender roles actually hinder a fulfilling relationship. Telling someone how to act based on their sex rules out the idea of accepting the person for who they are and also allows certain responsibilities to drop simply because they aren't that particular gender.
I think in all relationships we like:
Men and Women to be able to provide for themselves and each other
Men and Women to communicate with each other
Men and Women to be emotional and intimate
Men and Women to accept one another
Men and Women to be confident in themselves
There is not a split for which quality is of men or women.
Is this from LoBornlytesThoughtPalace?
Sounds like something she would post.
Placing any expectations on someone based on their gender is unreasonable in a relationship.
We actually fit into the stereotypical roles. I cook, unfortunately have to nag from time to time, and am usually in charge of..well most things. He acts as the protector and the majority provider.
We split up chores and such. In our two years of being together, I've seen that we've gotten more comfortable with certain things... I make the bed, he mows the lawn. We both take turns doing laundry and clearing out the dishwasher/putting dishes in. We take turns dishing ice cream (our nightly treat). He always drives because he loves to, but I don't mind - I drive my own car when I need to.
He's mentioned being a stay at home dad one day because he knows I want to be a psychiatrist, but I'm not sure about that yet. We've got a few years to go.
For his college entrance exam, he had to write an essay on someone important in his life and the traits he loved the most about them. He picked me, and wrote that he loves what a strong woman I am
My boyfriend and I are not tradtional at all so gender roles don't play a huge part in our relationship. It's like with chores and whatnot-he does more of the cooking because he is frankly better at it then I am and I do more organizing and the other half of the cleaning because that is personally what I am better at. That is how we tend to base things unless it's stuff like laundry and dishes because those are thing that are expected of both of us. When we go out to eat, whoever has money on them at the time pays. We pretty much go about things logically, not based on what is inbetween our legs. I honestly expect him to do stuff like open doors for me not because I am a woman but because I do the same for him and vice versa. The both of us should do that simply out of politness for others.
I'm a neat freak, so if he is a slob, don't expect me to always pick up after him. clean his own messes and be a big boy:D we're both going to work, and I don't care who makes more than the other, because the chores will still be shared. it doesn't take that much effort to dump clothes in the washer to wash, vacuum the carpets or wash dishes. whoever feels like being courteous and opening the door for the other, then do it. if you don't want to open the door, I'll open it myself. expectations often leads to disappointments, so it is best to do it myself. surprise each other and cook a meal for the other sometimes or other sweet gestures that aren't asked or demanded. I don't mind doing things for a guy if he is appreciative but if he is condescending and rude, then nope.
Chivalry and mannerisms as determined by gender roles are two different things. Please look up the word chivalry.
@six6vi@xanga - Did you read the linked blog from the word chivalry in this post? I think she got it right. Maybe you should try reading it.
@Kendra - No thanks. I responded to this post not that one.
Gender roles are totally stupid. I'm a strong independent woman and while I enjoy chivalry as much as the next vagina, I don't mind if I make more money or if I take on a different role than my previous generations had.
I say do whatever works for you, and don't give a crap about who's supposed to do laundry/cry about feelings.
chivalry is the dumbest thing ever. real men should hold doors open for EVERYONE... not just people with vaginas.
For the most part I would say my boyfriend and I follow the typical gender roles...but there are a couple things he does that most guys wouldn't want to do in their routines. He cooks [ he's a chef ], he does the laundry and he makes the bed. [ he leaves for work after i do]
im not a fan of gender roles. I can't cook worth a shit, and I hate laundry.
But to a certain extent I need to be cared for. But that goes from everyone male or female
@lewk@xanga - agreed.
i think you're talking about gender roles, and i think you are wrong to assume they are necessary. chivalry IS outdated, and i vehemently wish it would die.
@lyrical_l -
Placing any expectations on someone based on their gender is unreasonable in a relationship.I agree with that at least.
Believe it or not, but women still appreciate their man opening the door for them, pulling out their chair or even driving. I agree! I really appreciate those things. It's something that I miss in the US sometimes...