Dear Fritz, | datingish

Thursday, 30 June 2011

Dear Fritz,

I picked a hard challenge. It's difficult to know what to put in a letter to someone you talk to/see/play tonsil hockey with every day. What should I tell them here that I wouldn't tell them to their face? In the case of this person, the answer is nothing. I tell him everything, perhaps even venturing into over-share territory occasionally. I could write a letter telling him how much he means to me, but he already knows; I make it a point to tell him frequently. I could write a goofy letter, but he gets my goofiness on a regular basis already.

So, instead...

This is a letter to you -- my husfriend, Fritz, meine liebe -- telling you just how much I don't need you, starting with a conversation we had recently.

Me: You know what?
Fritz: What?
Me: I think I would be okay.
Fritz: Okay with what?
Me: If we ...you know.
Fritz: If we ...what?
Me: You know. If we ...weren't us.
Fritz: Who else would we be?
Me: That's not what I mean. I meant if we weren't a we anymore, but a you and a me.
Fritz: You mean if we broke up.
Me: Yes.
Fritz: Should I celebrate this joyous news?
Me: Only if you want to sleep with Gandy.

Since the day we moved in together, I have been equal parts excited and terrified. Excited because, well, you're you; I don't have to tell you how amazing you are. Terrified because I've let relationships of my past -- not necessarily romantic relationships, but relationships nonetheless -- distort my perception of our relationship, which isn't fair to you or me.

With a little (read: nearly four years of) convincing and a lot of support, you've shown me that I'm worth a lot more than I initially gave myself credit. And you've proven, time and time again, that we aren't us out of necessity, but desire. One of us without the other is a perfectly functional, capable member of society. But together, we make each other better, and I honestly believe now that we are made better by the fact that we do not need each other, but rather care enough to want to share our lives with each other. It doesn't hurt that it additionally makes us indescribably happy.

All this time, our entire relationship, you've insisted that I don't need anyone, including you, to lean on to be successful or happy. I have finally realised that you could not be more correct. You make me better, I believe, and I love you dearly for that, but you don't make me. I could live without you; I simply don't want to.

Dory has always been a little better with words than me. I should let her do the talking from now on.

Love,
Garett

2 -- A letter to your crush.
(I don't have a 'crush.' I have a husband.)
Previous letters.

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