Due to some unnecessary turn of events with an ex guy friend, my mother now believes that her precious daughter is a whore.
The Short Version of a Very Long Story:A guy that I was friends with (Jeff), who liked me a little too much for his own good decided that since I wouldn't date, sleep with or kiss him, that he would text my mother & tell her that I've supposedly slept with all of my guy friends. No I'm not a virgin, but I don't sleep with every guy I hang out with either. I have a ton of guy friends, simply because they're easier to get along with--usually. This time, it was the guy causing all the drama.
He'd start crying if I said that no I wasn't going to date him, got upset if I texted a friend back while we were hanging out,
got mad if I told him to stop grabbing my boobs & other areas that he should NOT be touching, got pissy if I decided that no I didn't want to see him for the 3rd day in a row. He thought that if he bought me stuff that it would automatically mean that I owe him something in return. I told him time & time again to not do it because I had no plans of dating him or kissing or sleeping with him. He continued to do things for me anyway.
One of the guys that I'm friends with (Tony) is all friends with Jeff. Jeff assumes that just because Tony slept with one of Jeff's ex girlfriends, it means that I slept with him as well. The other night after hanging out with Jeff, he texted me & told me that he's going to tell my mom about the fact that no, I'm not a virgin & that he's going to tell her about every guy that I've slept with. He only knows about maybe 3. Instead he tells her that I've slept with 3 guys in the past week. I hung out with 4 guys, one of which was Jeff. We sat on the couch & watched movies, & took a walk around town.
The sad part about this is that
my mom believed him. She's known him about 2 or 3 months now, & believes him over her own daughter. I told her it wasn't true & she still chooses to listen to him. She hasn't talked to me in 2 days & refuses to acknowledge that I'm even here.
I told her I was going to a friend's (girl) house for the night & she told me to take my stuff & dog with me & to not come back. I don't have a job & have no way of getting my license or an apartment & she refuses to help me. I don't have anyone to help me with anything, & the only place I can stay is with my friend, her mom, her dad & her 2 kids in their tiny house. I won't fit & my dog would have to be locked up all day.
I've tried talking to my mom & she ignores me. I don't have anywhere to go or any money for a hotel, nor can I find a job anywhere.
Has a similar situation ever happened to you? What did you do about it?
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Comments (126)
Well, that better than your boyfriend's mother thinking you're a whore.
Holy crap. I wish I had something I could say that could help. I'm so sorry....
Jeff is not your friend.
That's a very tough situation. You could always write her a letter and put it someplace she'll see it, since she won't talk to you. You could also tell your friend the trouble he's caused and get him to take it back. I don't know that those are good solutions, but they are the only things I could think of that would help get through to her.
I'm sorry that you live with a mom who won't believe you. I was in a similar situation, my mom heard some of my supposed friends gossiping about me behind my back and believed what they said. It was a double whammy because I found out that my "friends" didn't like me and that my mom didn't trust me. It was bad, especially because I was punished for something I didn't do. Parents should be the ones who take up for their kid, not believe every thing other people say.
She probably needs time to cool down, just the thought of her daughter sleeping around may be a very sensitive subject for her. If you really don't have a place to stay, stay at your house anyway. Just try to stay out of her way until she's calm enough to talk to her.
If you are under the age of 18 then she legally can't kick you out. Stay at your house anyway. Your mother sounds like she's very immature.
it sounds to me like your relationship with your mom must have been crap to begin with and this was just the straw on the proverbial camel's back... so my best advice would be NOT to go back after she cools down unless you guys have a really good, long talk.
in the meantime, or in case that should never happen, there are lots of resources out there for you. i know it doesn't feel like it right now but if you look up a few terms like "homless teen resources (state)/(city)" in google, you will see countless places you can reach out to. you can also look up hotlines in a similar manner.
most shelters have programs to help you get into or stay in school, get trained for a job, find a job, and find housing/help paying for housing, so find one ASAP and try to get their help.
@LoBornlytesThoughtPalace@xanga - ...no it's not, for one thing she doesn't have a place to live now. You can avoid the boyfriend's mom, but your own is a much different story. It's a lot more stressful to have your own mom think such a thing because there's a much more emotional connection as well.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Get Jeff out of your life ASAP, so you never have to see that asshole again. He's got issues and obviously they aren't helping you out. If your mom won't listen to you, would she listen to a friend of yours? It sucks that she won't listen but someone has to clear this up with her, and maybe you have a friend who can at least convince her to talk to you. Good luck!
Wait... why does this guy have your mom's phone number?
Just my $0.02 but it's really your own fault for continuing to talk to this Jeff for so long when he's trying to manipulate you, basically sexually assaulting you (repeatedly making sexual contact and groping you when you've tell him no multiple times), and displaying unreasonable anger and poor control over his emotions.
If your mother kicked you out and will not talk to you and there's nothing you can do about that until she calms down... you should focus on helping yourself. Get your license, get a job, move on with life and make better choices about who you associate yourself with in the future.
@bass_chick57@lovelyish - i was gonna say that/something similar
ill save my original emotional reaction
we already know= get jeff out, never talk to him again. you were way to fuckin nice to him. he deserves to be in no part of your life whatsoever.
your moms reacting totally shitty.
if you are 18+ and Really have nowhere to live. what i would do is go on couchsurfing.com... its meant for people to travel and explore the states. and honestly i would do that for about 2 weeks. until i had a job secured (things might blow over with your mom/probably will and im just saying what i would do in the situation).... do the couchsurfing, be very nice. apply to places all day everyday. at least 5 well filled out apps a day. ask everyone on facebook whos hiring, call any friends for places that might be. check the papers. check craigslist (they SOMETIMES might have SOMETHING but usually not)... when i do that tactic i usually find a job in about 2 weeks. make sure you look nice when you go in, feel free to spend time with anyone you can trust to kind of vent with about things. and after 3-4 days after handing in the app make sure you call them. people might say 'oh fix things with mom'... and honestly, it totally depends. i dont know your home situation. i just know if i was kicked on the street. id do what it takes to secure a job and living situation. (also simultaneously see who'd be willing to live with you for like, 200 a month or something. be really dedicated to just finding a job and doing that. to me thats the most important thing you could do. and keeping in touch with people who could help). do not worry about your mom now, you need to worry about yourself.
edit: also in about a month-1 1/2 when your life finally stablizes make sure to send thank you cards to Everyone who helped, and pay everyone back for everything. (within the month you get your job. if its not the first paycheck people will understand you're paying rent/food. so just make sure its the second if possible.)
and please please please do not eat out, spend poorly if you cannot afford it. keep tabs on whatever people are paying, offer to cook, and make sure you note it all so you can pay them back. let them know you will. and appreciate it.
@aznartichoke@xanga - YES. I bet this is true
wait a minute. why did you hang out with this guy? @_@ he cant take no for an answer and is very much sexually harassing you... and you STILL hung out with him? amazing. never been in your shoes though. my mom and i have a healthy relationship and she woud believe me over any guy any day. that sucks your mom is being so immature and awful. lol wow. =/ umm, last minute job idea... why not strip? girls do it all the time to get on their feet again. not that it would redeem you from that "whore" status your mom labelled you but whatever. good luck.
Seriously, why were you ever friends with Jeff? The fact that he would try to come onto you every time you guys hung out and despite repeated warnings to him was a sign of things to come. I think you may just need a bit of time to let your mom cool down and try talking to her again. For now, I guess you can only depend on your friends... not sleazoid friends like Jeff, but real friends.
I agree with everyone else who said you need to get Jeff out of your life asap. You should have done it long ago, but since you didn't, now you have to deal with the consequences. Give your mom time and she'll listen to you. For now, be happy you have a friend who will take you in. Even if its not your dream circumstances. Good luck!
Bop that mothertrucker in the mouth. He'll get it real quick that you don't want anything to do with him then.
Yes, yes, yes. Jeff has GOT to go. As far as your mother, she seems about as bad as he is from this story. However, it could be that she just cares about you. Look at it from her point of view: the person you love very much is putting themselves at risk and the person who told you about it appears to be one of her best friends. She's going to take his word because she feels like he's protecting you.
I love the heroic act of your mother. I, however, am sorry that he lied to her and for the way she's treating you over it. /:
@LoBornlytesThoughtPalace@xanga - What boyfriend? I can't find one of those..
@bmillerssailor@xanga - I'm 21. She never taught me how to drive, so I don't have a license. I've had my permit twice & have driven under 10 times & only once on the road.
@haltija@xanga - I'm 21, I'll be 22 next month.
@ShirleyD@xanga - Im trying to convince my mother that I'm not a whore. Stripping wouldn't help that. I have more respect for myself than that.
@meaganbme93@xanga - I haven't slept with as many people as he says I did, nor does he know the names of any of them. He automatically assumed I slept with whoever I hung out with. All he wanted to do was get me in trouble & he knew that if he told my mom something like that, she'd be upset. He didn't do it as a looking out for me thing, he did it to mess up my life..
@raspbxrrryjam@xanga - I've applied everywhere I can in the area for the last 2 years. No one will hire me. The only person that was willing to teach me how to drive was Jeff. My mom refuses, & my friends that can drive claim that they're too busy with their bfs & kids. I even applied to McDonalds across the street from me several times & talked to the hiring manager. She told me that she'd look over my application & get back to me if I fit the requirements. If I can't get a job at McDonalds when I live right across the street from it, I'm pretty sure I'm screwed for anywhere else.
@noPrinceCharming - I definitely know he didn't do it to look out for you. But I'm a hundred percent positive that that's what your mom thinks. . .
@noPrinceCharming - There are courses that teach you to drive. You're almost 22... you should've dealt with this on your own a long time ago instead of trying to rely on other people. Maybe being forced on your own will be good for you since it forces you to become more independant... at least there's an upside to all this.
If your resume makes you look unhirable at McD's you should revamp it and resubmit it everywhere. Call to follow up with places, ect... in the mean time, find somewhere to volunteer at... or put adds on craigslist for dogwalking/housecleaning/WHATEVER, sign up for baby sitting services. There are always ways to make enough money to survive if you look hard enough.
Really though, why does this guy have your mom's number?
gah... i dont even have the words to scrambel up some advice for you. truly sorry you're going through this. i'd do whatever it takes to make it out on my own. are there other friends you can temporarily crash at while you get your shit together? My personal take is not go back and fix things with your mom. you can only do so much and she didn't hear you out when you needed her the most. So pull up those boot straps and hunt down for a job and maybe a place to stay with roomate so it's alot cheaper. gah wish you the best of luck!
@noPrinceCharming - Apply to temp agencies. Then call/text/IM/email Jeff and ask him why he lied to your mom and why he would do something like that to you and record/save the conversation. Send it to your mom and then promptly cut all ties with Jeff. If your mother is reasonable that should be enough to at least open up the doors of communication. However, if your mother is unreasonable then there's not much you can do. You think your mother could be depressed or bipolar?
@noPrinceCharming - i know - but the same organizations that offer help to teenagers offer them to young adults/college aged folks. you can also you know, go to an adult shelter. they offer all the same resources.
@LoBornlytesThoughtPalace@xanga - you must be joking.
@LillimNo9@xanga - Yes, I am joking!
That's ludicrous! I agree with the other Xangans, that dude is not your friend.