My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. Out of those 4 years, 3.5 of them have been long distance. Personally, I feel that long distance relationships aren't sustainable in the long run. It's gotten to the point where it feels like all I'm doing is waiting to be able to share our lives together. What's the point in a relationship if you can't do that with your significant other? You might as well just be pen pals.
I envy people who can see their significant other whenever they want while I only get to see mine once or twice a month. I don't mind having to do this for a short period of time but 3.5 years isn't short.
I envy couples that are able to hang out with each other's friends. I have yet to meet a single one of my boyfriend's friends.
I envy people who don't fight for months on end instead of having a few good calm weeks before diving into another storm of problems and issues. It's exhausting, stressful and it seriously gives me a bad case of anxiety whiplash. It's 10 times worse when these fights are over the phone, which they are almost 99% of the time. Words get lost in translation and actions don't count for shit because you're not physically there with them.
Is it wrong of me to be jealous of other people's relationships? Is it wrong of me to see what good qualities other people have in their relationship and want it in my own? Should I not aspire to have something I know I want but realize I don't have? Does that make me ungrateful? Does it mean that's the end of my relationship?
My relationship isn't perfect. We don't share our lives. We live parallel lives until we meet and then go about on our own separate way. I've been fighting so hard to change that, hence our move down to DC together.
When we're together, my boyfriend is the most affectionate and passionate person. He's always doting and he always puts me first. He's always the one who comforts me and always tries his best to make sure I have a good day (except when we fight, of course). What's wrong with building on top of that?
We both have faults and we both make mistakes. I see nothing wrong in being jealous of other people's relationship. It makes me work harder to get my relationship better. However, my boyfriend thinks that when you get jealous of what another couple has, then the relationship is over.
Do you think it's the end of your relationship when you get jealous of what someone else has?
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Comments (28)
I agree. My boyfriend and I are long distance and it sucks having to see the happy couples together all the time. It's totally our choice to be long distance, so I don't blame anybody for this, but I do get jealous not being able to see him. *hugs* Good luck with your relationship!
I don't think that's true at all. I'm the same way. I can't imagine not living close together for 3.5 years though. We're struggling and it's barely been a year haha. It's probably not going to be more than 2 1/2 years. People just function differently in relationships though and everyone has their own thoughts. I'd imagine my boyfriend would kind of say the same thing as your boyfriend. I actually am kind of relieved to see that you say you guys kind of fight too much, I thought my boyfriend and I were starting to fight too much and I was worried about our relationship, but when he lived here for a year everything was perfect and we never fought. Long distance is definitely not something I'd ever do again after this haha.
I have been in long distance relationships before and everything about them sucks. Of course when you actually do get to spend time together it's wonderful, but when you're not together, it's quite the opposite.
I live with my boyfriend now. I love the fact that I see him every day and I love waking up to him and coming home to him every day.
Do I get jealous of other relationships? No. But if I was still in a long distance relationship I would be extremely jealous and sad. Especially on the holidays.
Being in a long distance relationship can be worth it if you're both 100% in it and wanting it to work. My mom and stepdad were literally a world apart [she lived in the U.S. and he lived in Denmark] and even after they were married they had to wait months to be in the same country! But now, they've been married for ten years and they're wonderful.
It's up to you... hang in there and deal with all those things and hope that someday [hopefully soon] you can be physically together or break it off and find someone you can be with. Either way, hang in there - best of luck to you!
It's when you compare your boyfriend to another boyfriend that it can get hurtful.
@GreenTeaReverie@xanga - I think it's more comparing your relationship to another relationship, which isn't so hurtful, in my mind. Unless of course you're looking at dynamics you feel your SO should be covering and then blaming them for the lack of it.
maybe. i know when i was in some ridiculous long thing it was really hard for me. but i was appreciative because i loved him so much.--- but seriously, if i did see couples OVERPDA or something id just get upset (internally). thats definately not something i wanted to see or needed.
I simply couldn't imagine doing a long distance relationship, so props to you. I can understand how you would be jealous of other people's relationships and how seeing couples who get to interact everyday would bother you. I guess the best you can do is to just try and look at your situation in a different perspective. Maybe most of the couples you see, if they were forced into a long distance relationship, they couldn't handle it. Try to think of you and your boyfriend's relationship, as tough as it may be, as a proof of how strong your relationship is. You both have to work that much harder at it, and you're willing to because you know it's worth it.You both believe in your relationship enough to sacrifice a lot.
Also, I see my boyfriend almost everyday of the week, so when we miss a couple days, when I do get to see him, I get much more excited. So I'd imagine if you'd only see your boyfriend a few times a month, every month you'd have something to really look forward to.
4 years is a long time, so I'm assuming you guys are in it for the long run. I guess you just gotta look forward to that time when you guys will be able to see each other on a regular basis.
Remember no relationship is perfect and all successful ones take hard work! Just keep working at it :)
when i was dating someone i wasn't jealous of other couple b/c it was all about us .. but now that im basically a single person .. im jealous of most couples .. cuz im lonely :(
i'm jealous of ppl for HAVING a relationship at all. i hang out with my friends, we go the same places, do the same things and somehow they all walk away having met someone new and exciting each time.
they literally can break up with someone and have found someone else within a week.
a year later, i'm still single.
wtf lol
I don't think jealousy of other people's relationships is a bad thing at all. As couples, we should have certain criteria we strive for: let's argue less, let's spend more time together, etc. When you see other people doing things you'd like to see in your relationship it gives you something to work toward and prevents things from getting too boring.
I'm not in a relationship but I know that most people have a bf or gf just to have a bf or gf.
I get jealous of other's relationships. Especially if they haven't been together as long as my boyfriend and me and are already getting married or moving in together. My boyfriend have spent the last 2 school years 3.5 hours apart and it's about to jump to 5 hours. In two years, we'll get to be together, MAYBE. but he might have to stay at school longer. I hate the fact that I've put so much time, energy, and work into this relationship and people who don't deserve it, get all the benefits. I deserve to be with my boyfriend and I can't. That's not fair. We've been together for 4 years. We've been through a LOT together. And my best friend who cheated on her boyfriend and started dating her current boyfriend, got engaged a year later, and are getting married the next year. They're relationship started off bad. They've never lived together and spent the last two years separated by school. They don't really know how well they'll clash together when living together. They don't deserve the wedded bliss without knowing each other well enough.
Yes I realize I sound like a whiney two year old but I DON'T CARE *stomps feet*
Why are you doing this for 3.5 years?! And even more?!
I'm dating a guy in the Navy, I moved to the state that he's stationed in and we got an apartment together, but he left ten days after I got here to go on deployment for a year. I'm just happy to know that in a year he'll be back, and we'll be living together.
If it was 3.5 years I wouldn't be able to do it, honestly. I feel like there's so much that relationships need face to face, to progress and grow together. There's only so much that can be done from far away.
I'm currently in a very long distance relationship (I live in Honolulu, he lives in London). It started out that way, though. It's hard because we still haven't done any couple-y things yet, besides spending a lot of time on Skype. He'll be here for a little over a week in September, but after that I don't know when I'll see him next. Sigh.
I definitely envy my sister's relationship with her boyfriend in that she can see him whenever she wants. Once, he came over to watch a movie with her because he knew she was bored from staying home all day (she'd just gotten her wisdom teeth pulled). I thought it was so sweet and I said out loud that I wish I could have that. She said, "Yeah... That's tough. 'Oh, you want me to come over? Okay, I'll be there in two days.'" I started laughing because it's so true. :(! :(! :(!
@sassypenguin@xanga - ...what the hell makes you think those people are going to have "wedded bliss" just because they're getting married? It sounds more like they'll end up getting a divorce after a shitty marriage...
Also why don't you and your boyfriend change something if it's bothering you that much? Could you move to where he is?@thisiswhereItellyoueverything@xanga - because they're my best friends. They are perfect for each other, I just think they should get to know the little things better first - live together first to see if you can tolerate each others habits. Other than that I can see that they will be perfectly happy.
We go to different colleges. His parents made him leave while I stayed at community college (even though he would have done much better if he had taken Calculus at my community college). My University (leaving this fall) doesn't have his program. His college does not have the opportunities this college does for me. If I get a job in my field I will be making more than twice as much as him - so I need to go to a good school, and he agrees. It's not just a "move" when you are still in college. We are trying to think about our futures. That doesn't mean it doesn't still suck ass.
I just get a little jealous when I see other people in loving relationships... but only because I don't have someone at the moment to share that affection with as well. This past week when I was in Toronto with my brother visiting his girlfriend, there were times when I just really wanted the same experience that he was sharing with her. I wasn't the third wheel since another friend was with us, but you know what I mean.
Totally agree with that..my boyfd and i are having a long distance relationship too. It sucks while watching others being so sweet together. Sometimes, I will think back the moments when we're together, and just missing him in silence.. Since we're not being there together, things changed. Sometimes he'll struggle. I hate not being around him while he needs me, and it's so speechless while he has problems to solve, which "i'll support you" is all I can do over distance. I hope every long distance couple will stay sweet :) Love > distance, and true love can survive even it's a difficult conditions. BEST WISHES TO YOURS"
it sounds to me that your boyfriend interprets jealousy about relationships like -" well, john got sarah lillies for no reason! you never give me lillies for no reason!" in that case, yes, the relationship is pretty much over.
but it seems to me that your interpretation of jealousy is - john got to kiss sarah goodnight last night, and i am just dying for the day i can give you a kiss goodnight too.
so it seems like you two aren't actually disagreeing at all, just looking at two corners of a pentagonal building.
long distance can be hard as hell and it isn't for me, personally - but i've never been put in those shoes either.
Of course not. It just reminds you of how much you miss him. And that's good! :) Sounds like you two are mature and smart. Keep strong and I'm sure your relationship will last :) When you do share time together, make those moments count!
No, because I have a great relationship with my bf. Though I think a lot of my own family and friends tease me or us about it. A lot really. Though I do admit that I miss my bf when he's not with me a lot.
I don't get jealous of other peoples relationships - that's probably because I have what most people would call an ideal relationship. We've been together for 4 years, we just got married at the beginning of June. Most of our friends are other couples and most of them have told us that we're that "annoying couple they can't fight in front of" because we honestly don't ever fight. Sure, we get on each others nerves about certain things but it's more like a 2 minute bicker and then it's done. We don't have any major problems, we don't have a dirty history, and we don't keep secrets. I HAVE been in relationships where I've been jealous of other couples before and it's not a good feeling. When you are jealous of a relationship that someone else has, that's when you know you might have a problem with yours. The fact that I can honestly say that of all the relationships I know of, I wouldn't trade mine for any of them, means a whole lot. My husband would say the same.
long distance is always tough, but i definitely disagree that with your boyfriend. just because you are jealous that other couples get to spend time together doesn't mean you are jealous of other girl's boy friends. you still love him and you still want only him, and you are upset that you don't get to spend as much time with him as you would want.
(or maybe i'm projecting)
in any case, i feel like because you are upset that you do not get to be a couple as much as others do, it only shows that your feelings for him are strong and that you want to be together.
as long as both parties have the patience to wait, because they believe that it'll be worth the wait, any kind of distance is possible. :)
I would say that it depends what exactly you are jealous about... jealous that they get to spend more time together? totally normal. Jealous that that guy doesn't hit his girlfriend? Hm, maybe you should look the relationship over. lol
Seriously though, if you're jealous of something a couple has that you desperately need and you are not getting from your current relationship, then it might be the end if there's no possibility of getting what you want.
@SentimentalDoll@xanga - this.