Saturday, 25 June 2011
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My Generation Seems to Dislike Marriage
Many of my female peers today say that they never want to get married. (Never say never.) They just don’t see themselves being joined with another person for the rest of their lives. I understand that we’re still young and their minds might change 10 years from now but don't little girls dream about their future wedding and marriage? Doesn't that dream stick with them till they're young adults? What made my generation of females dislike even the thought of marriage so much? Reality? Parents’ marriage didn’t work out? Friends’ marriages didn’t work out? Watching too much television?
Unlike most girls, I am in love with marriage. My parents, however, have been in a loveless and complicated marriage for over a decade. They've been married for 19 years, had two kids, & went through a lot of hell together. The mistake my parents made was marrying each other in less than a year of knowing each other. My parents were the only adults in my life I knew who never divorced but it wasn't happy. I've never seen a successful marriage yet I believe it can happen to anyone, especially me.
I’ve never been to a wedding and don’t precisely know what happens during the ceremony/reception but the fact that a man would sacrifice his bachelorhood, independence, and objectivity for me says a lot. Of course before I wed, I must know this man for a several amount of years (Maybe 5 to 10 years of being in an intimate relationship). I would never marry if I see a few problems with the guy that I think couldn't be fixed in the future. You obviously can’t change a person. I don’t want to marry for future children or the beautiful ceremony and after party.
I honestly want to marry because I think this man I‘ve been with and been through everything with for so many years has seen it all with me already, why not take it to the next level and be joined as one? We are each other’s perfect halves. Soul mates. We made it through as a couple in the beginning so we might as well finish legally and spiritually committed and ordained to be together for the rest of our lifetime. I would love to be married by 25-28 and have children at 35 (Kids are not really for me). Legal marriage might just be a “piece of paper” to some but that certificate is important to society too. What would happen if you never had a birth certificate? It’s just a “piece of paper” right?
And when I get married, that will be it for the guy! I am against divorce but will do legal separation if the relationship needs to cool down for several months or years. If you divorce me, then what was the point of the ceremony? Vows? Promises? They would have been back-stabbing unforgivable lies. Any problem that comes our way will be reconciled because I am not a quitter. Marriage is never easy but I want it the moment I graduate law school. (By the way, the carat, clarity, and cut of the ring matters!)
So how do you feel about marriage? Do you think it’s not necessary because it’s just “a piece of legal paper”? Would you marry before 25 years old? How long would you wait to be wed? Does a wedding ring size matter? Let me know your thoughts!
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- From: Sinful_Soul1@xanga
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Comments (125)
I would never have married before 29 and I didn't, but then I married very well and I was glad I waited. And I try to get my nieces to listen to me and not marry before 29 either, but one of them is fully ignoring me and getting married in November, and WAY TOO YOUNG!
I'm married (not technically; it's a civil union, but I'm unionised just doesn't sound right?). Been married since 18. Definitely didn't know him, let alone were we intimate, for 5 years before signing the papers. The paper shouldn't mean anything, but since the government -- the folks that hand out tax breaks and other legal benefits -- are additionally in the business of handing out marriage licenses to those they deem worthy of them, it does matter.
The hubby proposed (in not a very romantic way, actually) with a string tied in a circle. But we both have inscribed black tungsten rings now. (And yes, his is inscribed in Elvish.)
I'm actually looking forward to getting married. Even though it's just a piece of paper, it still symbolizes so much.
@Diva_Jyoti_3@xanga - What's the magic behind the number 29? That seems like such a random choice. I think your niece is pretty wise to ignore that advice, if all your advice consists of is 'you're too young'.
I think marriage was much more of a strict obligation back then. There was more pressure from parents for their children to get married just so they can have grandchildren. Most people who marry young are naive and it's the reason why the divorce rate is so high.
And the word "hubby" should be banned from usage.
I'm excited to be married. I looked at different rings and found one I love so my boyfriend can buy it. I've already been looking at dresses, venues, flowers, everything that goes into it. I've already been with my boyfriend for 4 years, I wish we could get married now. Financially, it isn't feasible because I want a really nice wedding. I deserve it for all the hard work I put into this relationship! We'll be tying the knot after we finish our undergrads - then he'll get a job and I'll go to grad school.
@Diva_Jyoti_3@xanga - Some young relationships work. I will be getting married after my boyfriend and I are out of college. I'll be about 22, it will be a 6 year long relationship at that point. Just because I'm technically young, doesn't mean people can't be mature enough to get married. Especially if they are out of college and entering the job force! I think 24 is probably a better number. It is more feasible for the general population - especially if the relationship started in high school.
And perhaps it's because our generation is more cynical? Divorce rates are pretty high, and people are getting married too quickly (reminds me of a "Is Romeo and Juliet relevant today?"paper that my teacher assigned to her students)
@sassypenguin@xanga - There are statistics that show that couples who get married later have a lesser chance of divorce. No, that does not apply to EVERYONE, but I see how she doesn't want her nieces taking risks.
@Escargotpudding@xanga - But is that the case in those studies because by that time they've finally had a real long term relationship, or is it because of age exclusively?... It's different for each person and if her niece, someone she loves, wants to get married, have faith in her. I'd be hurt if i was her niece, honestly. I'd want my aunts to support me and believe that I'm mature enough and have been with my SO long enough for this commitment. Its not just about age.
@nihaokeisha@xanga - Same here
@Chibi_Son_Gokou@xanga - HUBBY HUBBY HUBBY HUBBY HUBBY HUBBY HUBBY HUBBY HUBBY.
Trolololol.
Marriage sounds nice and all but, it's pointless to me. Why bother with all that hassle when the relationship is just not going to work out anyways? Sorry, I only believe that true love is a rare thing nowadays.
I just don't care whether or not I get married. I'm not against the idea of getting married to my boyfriend of 6 yrs but if we don't ever get married I'm not going to assume it's because he has commitment problems and I'm not going to be upset. Commitment can be shown in many ways and one of the ways I believe my boyfriend already shows it is by loving someone as difficult as I am, flaws and all. I am not a bad person but I come with a lot of emotional baggage and he deals with it better then most people ever could.
I also think people don't understand how difficult marriage actually is. Even long term relationships are hard as fuck, no matter how much you love each other. It's a day by day process and I believe that some people are just not able to be married and cannot promise to be with each other forever. I think people are just more able to understand the reality of love now in days. Some people really are just cynical but others are simply being realistic.
as i am turning 25 in less than a week, prolly won't be married before then, haha
I want to get married one day.
Obviously, I want to get married, I don't care if it's a legal document or not, I'd like to say that this is my husband/wife. Also, I don't really know what I'm doing at this point and I'm completely open-minded.
I can't wait until my wedding day. I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 23 (going on 24 in a month). My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years now, and I have wanted to marry him from day one. We would be married right now if it weren't for college. He wants to make sure he can support me with a good job that comes with benefits. And the only sure fire way he can do that is to get his degree (in this economy anyway). And I will be nothing but supportive to him as he's finishing school, finding a job, and being the bread winner in our family (yes, I'm very traditional when it comes to marriage and family values). I can't wait for our marriage and our new life together. Our wedding will most likely happen next summer (I'm probably jinxing us
), which means we will have been dating for 3 years. Honestly I think that is way to long. Temptations arise when you're in a committed relationship for that long, and honestly? I'm getting tired of not being married to him.
Now when it comes to age? That's really up to the specific person. I'm 21. I thought I was going to be married at 20. I would prefer to not get married any later than 25. That is because I want a couple years of just me and my husband. Good quality time with my husband.....and sex without the interruptions of kids...hehe. Also, I don't want to just start having kids any later than 26.
I am on the same boat with you with divorce. Marriage is a lifelong commitment. It's a promise. And a broken promise is not attractive at all. If a divorce happens, then obviously you didn't mean what you said when you said the vows.
Being a traditional girl, I want to get married . It's more than a piece of paper for me. It's spiritual and I think my boyfriend and love of my life would agree with me. I honestly can see me getting married before I'm 25 (though in past years I couldn't) because my boyfriend is 4 years older than me. We plan on getting married in a few years (I'm 18 right now). And the wedding ring size doesn't matter to me. For all I care, my boyfriend can get me a ring from one of those vending machines at the grocery store. I love him and a material item cannot measure that.
maybe some don't want to get married because it would be a bigger disappointment if the person, whom you are married to and made a lifelong commitment and sacred vows to you, broke the promises and betrayed you if they cheated for example. that's like buying a car and then finding out that it is actually a flimsy p.o.s but you have to deal with it and take it to the autoshop to fix it or therapy and the car is unreliable and overheats so you're stuck in the middle of nowhere in death valley to get heat stroke and die:D ...but depite it all, you die together, dehydrated ever after
lol anyway, enough analogies. if I think he is worth it, then I'll consider marriage and vice versa.
I think you have a lot of stuff right here. It's sad that so many marriages have gone so badly and scarred a generation, and I'm glad that you haven't let fear rule you like so many others. Marriage really can be wonderful. I'm 25 and married to the love of my life. I don't think that time is a big factor; I knew within a few days of meeting her that I wanted her to be my forever, and time only serves to prove that more and more. I also don't put a whole lot of stock in marriage on paper, but that's how the system works, and it doesn't matter a great deal; marriage is all about the covenant regardless of the government's involvement. I also think spending a butt load on weddings and rings is wasteful. My wife and I have simple wedding bands. I think the symbol of wearing a wedding ring is important, but a big diamond does nothing to improve a marriage.
@sassypenguin@xanga - I agree! I was merely exaggering my point, because you know, I am so damn opinionated about everything! Actually, there was a relationship I had that should have lasted and didn't, and it was during younger times, so actually I do not know beans.
GRATS on your marriage!
I don't dislike marriage, but I wouldn't be disappointed if I never got married. A lot of people don't realize that marriage is a lot more work than having a bf/gf. You see your partner change over the years (attitude, appearance, etc.) and you have to be ready to deal with that. Sure marriage sounds as wonderful as the movie Cinderella made it look, but you have to think of the future.
"By the way, the carat, clarity, and cut of the ring matters!" - When people say this I always have to ask...what happens if he gets you a ring that doesn't meet your "standards"?
I'm all for marriage, but I hate when people put a number on it. "Oh wait until you're at least 25" "Don't get married before 30!"...I know plenty of people at both of those ages and they're not even mature enough to live on their own let alone commit to someone in such a serious way.
I got married when I was 19 years old and my husband was 21 after just 2 years of being together. Tomorrow is our 1 year wedding anniversary and I seriously couldn't imagine not being married. Yes it's tough, but I found the person that makes pushing through all the arguments worth it. My engagement ring was a small vintage ring...I don't even know how many carats or whatever it even is...but I love it. It wasn't what I would have picked for myself, but to me that's the beauty of it. My husband went out and hand picked that for me...why would I just get rid of it or trade it? Just my thoughts :)