Saturday, 25 June 2011
-
Why Settle Into a Relationship Just So You Can Say You Have a Boyfriend?
If I just wanted to be in any relationship, that opportunity has been offered to me over the last two years and I would be able to tell you now that I have a boyfriend (woo-hoo). But who needs to be taken when you just haven't found what you need? I have fallen in love once and maybe because of that I have been spoiled by what I now know I can feel. I was also fortunate enough to fall in love with a friend allowing me to love him based on a level of respect much different than just jumping into dating.Being in sync with another person also has shown me the difference between having a boyfriend and being in a relationship. I say being in a relationship rather than just having a boyfriend because many people can be boyfriend and girlfriend but few can call each other their best friends.
There is a certain level of intimacy that is different in that type of relationship and for those of you in love, think of your relationships and how you view your boyfriend or girlfriend. Would you consider that person a confidant? The first person you call when something major happens to you? That person that you can vent your frustrations to, practically yelling at them while explaining yourself and they completely understand? Someone who will be there for you whether it's to go get gas in your car or when you need a shoulder to cry on. If you can you not only have yourself a boyfriend or girlfriend but a best friend.
Knowing how much I can care about a person has helped me and hurt me in many ways in finding someone that could fill that void in my life. Because of the devastation I felt when we eventually parted and then the mistake I had made by jumping quickly into another relationship that didn't suit me, I needed to learn how to be alone for a while. In the beginning I will tell you that I found the transition difficult, strange even to go from having a person in your life that you have learned to depend on to just having yourself.
Instead of feeling lonely you begin to find an enjoyment in being able to rely on yourself and instead of feeling out of place eating alone or doing things by yourself you learn to appreciate your own independence. That independence is what I needed to grow up and to learn to trust love again. Yet it's caused me to not want to jump from this guy to that.
Don't get me wrong, I have dated, had my drunken nights kissing boys in bars, and last summer I actually met someone who was exactly what I wanted in a boyfriend (too bad he was moving to California and was of course taken). But to see how good it can be has also allowed me to dismiss guys that could have possibly had potential.
I've been called naive, innocent, a grandma, a prude, a baby, but I guess you can add another name to that list and call me stubborn because I don't want to change my outlook on relationships and what I want out of them. You can say that I'm picky but I just don't want to settle for someone just so I can say I'm in a relationship. What's so wrong with believing in love stories?
I guess the fact that it's stopped me from taking myself less seriously and having some good 20-year-old fun.
At this very moment, I'm over that. I'm over being dismissive and I'm done with keeping up an image of purity. Just because I don't have a boyfriend shouldn't stop me from hooking up even if it won't lead to anything serious. I'm not a virgin and if I choose to hook up to have fun I would hope to not be judged.
I'm not promoting acting like a complete slut but honestly, this whole good girl act has only shielded me from experiences that I am bound to learn about some way or another and if I get emotionally attached and hurt in the process, well that's life. I refuse to settle into a relationship just so I can say I have a boyfriend, but that shouldn't stop me from having fun and letting go. And who knows? Maybe I will find myself falling in love with someone I just intended on having fun with. Whatever I come across now reckless or responsible I can at least look back and be able to not regret one single mistake because "maybe our mistakes make our fate."
Would you ever settle into a relationship that wasn't right for you? Do you know friends who are in relationships just so they have someone to sleep with at night?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: CarlyPaige
- About Me: Currently I am a college student studying English and Education. A true monogamist, I have only had 2 serious boyfriends but have been single for 2 years. The dating scene in college is complicated to say the least and here I will share with you my experiences, my friends experiences, both past and present as an example of what to do when confronted with awkwardness, confusion and love.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 70 Views: 0 329110 Comments: 0 3109 View all posts by CarlyPaige
Comments (12)
Let me attempt an angle from the male side: I've struggled with the same question from time to time as well: I used to see high school and college couples look like they were hitting it off real well 95% of the time around me- and wished I could be like that-for a while.
The following is what most singles don't hear about most of the time: A) potential for more complicated "mind games" B) highly emotional constructive discussions that turn into arguments C) how are sensitive subjects handled? (i.e. weaknesses, or family secrets, etc.)
Most women are insecure and feel the need to be with someone because they fear they will appear as losers to other women. Â
I actually do know people that are like that and it's sad ;(
My mother and aunt sometimes refer to my sister as a "husband hunter." She's only been in online relationships, which isn't inherently wrong, but she always gets involved with any dude that will give her the time of day, rushes to meet them, and then makes plan to run off to where they live and be together. Next thing you know, they break up. Maybe this time or the next time it will work, but who knows? I've seen the trend.
i have a problem for trying to make things work, trouble failing more like it. rather, i had. lol. i have taken a break since my last truly commited relationship ended in disaster nearly 2 years ago. i have dated though but havent met anyone i was interested in to commit myself to. for the reasons of not settling! though i have met some amazing guys and enjoyed my freedom. =)
i get your concept about how being best friends with your guy is great. though i think in a healthy relationship, this just happens. even if you werent best friends before, the person becomes the one you go to. i do have friends who keep people around out of habit. to not be alone or because they are just used to them. i dont think thats a good idea because more than half the time, theyre complaining about the person. when you suggest a break up, they have a million excuses to stay in this relationship. @_@As the saying goes,
"The moment you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for."
I completely agree with everything stated here. If you are getting involved with someone just for the sake of being in a relationship you need to take a step back and look at yourself in the mirror. At that point your being immensely immature and acting like a child, your taking no consideration for how the other person feels and the consequences of what will happen when you inevitably break up. It's just selfish.
I'm essentially in the same boat. I'm twenty years old, I've had one serious monogamous relationship, and I'm remaining open to everything that the world and people have to offer. Living your life according to others standards or viewpoints just leads to regret and the loss of valuable experiences. Anyways before I being to ramble, great post!
Its a very bad idea. I'd never enter into a relationship just so I'd have a boyfriend.
Finally someone who shares the same feelings as I do! My sister has been dating the same, low-life guy, on and off for 8 YEARS!!!!! My whole family keeps telling her that she should date around and find someone who is motivated and ambitious, but the second they break up, she runs back to him. I totally think she's settling and afraid to be alone for two seconds!! I hope that one day she can get over him and move on with her life. She has so many better things to live for.
on a lighter note, Please visit http://besustainableandrecycle.blogspot.com/ to learn about RECYCLING AND save over 50% on eco-friendly ink cartridges :)
this is a very good website ....you can go and see it
http://www.shoes4world.com
great post! I can definitely relate :) My first heartbreak left me in so much pain that I didn't want to be with anyone for a while. And I definitely needed the time to work on myself. But once in a while I found myself feeling a certain way or doing something I never thought I would do. At the end of those "flings," I felt sad but it didn't hurt as much as the heartbreak and I don't regret them. They're part of the process of healing. I'm still learning too. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!! It's nice to read something that hits so close to home.
these post depressed me! :( i'm totally that person. i'd rather be in a relationship that i don't like, instead of being alone :( i'm going to change that. its not fair for me! or the other person either
No, I would not settle into a relationship. Exclusive or not, I am very selective in who I would date and have VERY high standards. If a girl cannot meet certain criteria, especially my non-negotiables, she is not worth it as my non-negotiables are part of who I am.
I am currently in a relationship (7 months) and she is great.
Getting into a relationship for security's sake or just to not be alone is a mistake and is begging for a disaster to happen. You should be content with who you are as a person before dating someone else because they will only make you feel fulfilled for so long before you want more and more. You will leech off of their personality and ruin the relationship. I have been there, sadly.