Tuesday, 21 June 2011
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Un-Clenching the Closed Fist
I recently wrote a post about keeping my freshly healed heart in the safe clutches of my ribcage - which allows my current boyfriend to say, occasionally, that I am as emotionally accessible as a closed fist.The obvious question is this: After years of clenching our armor about us, how do we go about un-clenching? Like the claw-hand that tree-planters develop after only two months of pushing seedlings into the ground, or the way our fingers somehow find the right keys on the flute, years after we've put it down - our muscles hold onto their training long after we stop drilling it into them.
But deep down we all know, on some level, that a heart once clenched can be unclenched, to a certain extent. The real danger lies in deciding who to do it for. When someone asks you to let your guard down, do they have any idea what they're asking for? How could they? They've seen only so much of you, the side of poise and grace and control, and now they are asking for its opposite - something raw and unadulterated and bottomless. But they don't know, of course, that this is what they're asking for. All they think they're asking for is more. More of what they have seen already, which has been so delightful.
Be vulnerable, they say. Loosen your fingers. Let me slip mine underneath, let me touch the pulsing center of your chest. Let me in. Let me in. Let me in.
And maybe you give up. You let them in. But you wonder, on some level, when the echoes of in will start to sound different: Let me out. Let me out. Let me out.
The heart! Have you ever opened yours up after having it broken? How did you know it was time? How did you handle it?
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About the Author
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- From: ThatBirdisAbsurd
- About Me: I just moved to New York after studying and living abroad for five years in Canada, Europe and India. One amazing thing about being back in America: knowing EXACTLY how to say what you want to say, RIGHT when you want to say it. English makes dating a lot easier.
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Comments (11)
The same thoughts run through my mind every now and then. All the insecurities and past mistakes of the previous relationship subconsciously makes its way into the present. It takes every fiber of your being to contain the doubt. I get scared of the possible 'let me out.'
But, the person I am with now told me, before we entered our relationship, "Sometimes you need to take risks..." The funny thing is that both of us have been hurt from previous relationships and we've always gone for the wrong types of guys/girls. So, we tried for someone opposite of that and it has been working out well. Nothings perfect, but when you find that person you click well with... give it a try. Let the person in, when it feels right and they should respect that.
im open for love. even after my first heartbreak, i was down to love again and again after that. i think loving and heartbreak are inevitable. you are bound to love and bound to be crushed one way or another. so let my heart break again and again if it means i let love iinto my life. maybe one day that love will become long lasting into a beautiful partnership. =) im down with the chance and consequences. chances are you only live once, take the leap into the unknown. (i think im feeling very The Doors today lol)
Its so hard to open up to anybody..for me. :P I hate it. I don't trust many people..!!
I wish oppurtnities like this really existed. I don't believe in love anymore, at best in team work. If you fail you get kicked out. Well, that's my experience. Sorry if that's depressing..listen to the nice people.
My heart's been broken a bunch, and I've felt like closing off entirely, but when Talia stepped into the picture, it just didn't matter. I had no qualms about opening myself to her because she inspired trust. Now we're happily married. I don't know how to answer your question, but maybe you'll just know when the time is right.
I opened mine up after almost two years...just to have the damn thing broken again in just one month. This time I will never let that happen again.
I've found that it's worth giving a shot even if you have been hurt before. That is just life. If they ask you to open yourself up to them all the sides of your personality that you have to offer and they decide they love it all-then you have a keeper. And even if you have times where people ask for it and they might regret asking-you just move on or learn to make it work if possible. And this is coming from someone with INSANE trust issues.
The thing about relationships is that to a degree we are not the same person in one that we were in another. The dynamics of the two people alter how they behave, react and interact with one another. So, even though I think I KNOW myself, and how things will be with the new person, I am constantly surprised by the fresh aspects of myself that come out, as well as the same in them. With some perfectly nice people,. I'm a total bitch. I've learned a lot about myself by how I relate to different people and how they relate to me. The long and short of this is, that even though I am wary, because I have had some mega bad heart breaks, I've been surprised often enough in life to not completely close the door.
After my last two breakups,. I swore I'd never fall for a guy,. it'd be sex only...but here I am, with a very different sort of man, being surprised again by my feelings for someone I KNEW couldn't be right for me. But he brings out some things in me that i really like, and I do the same for him. Who knew?
Personally, I have a hard time opening it up to anyone. I've been told by people that have known me for years that they don't really know what I'm thinking most of the time b/c I don't open up my heart all the way. It's starting to get better nowadays but it's only 75% open b/c every type of relationship (from family to romantic to friends) have let me down.
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http://www.shoes4world.com
After I had my heart broken pretty badly, I was definitely terrified of the idea of getting back in the game. i remember i reeeeeally liked this guy and had a huge crush, but then he asked me out and i didn't know what to say because i had been so hurt. it takes time to heal, but i think its worth it if you find someone who was better than your last haha
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