Sunday, 19 June 2011
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Is Forgiveness Unconditional?
The original source can be found here: [x]
Do you think forgiveness should be unconditional in a relationship? In a marriage?Like most things, hurts and disappointments we suffer and/or inflict are relative, ranging from unintentional to thoughtless to intended and downright mean. It’s easy to forgive when your significant other accidentally closes the door on you, but much harder to forgive when the person who’s supposed to love you deliberately closes the door in your face.
You may forgive the first or couple times it happens, but when it keeps happening? What do you do then? Do you think letting it go the first few times sets you up for failure? Is it like with a child – when the child disobeys, you usually tell them that if they do it again, they will be disciplined, but if you don’t follow through with your word, they’ll most likely keep doing it.
Little things count in every relationship. A forgotten promise to pick up dinner won’t inflict much damage to the relationship, but the build up of forgotten promises will, in fact, damage the relationship greatly.
Your significant others forgiveness is a limited resource, so make sure you don’t take advantage of it!
What do you think of unconditional forgiveness? Does it exist? What about unconditional love?
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Comments (14)
I don't think that exists. If it does, I kind of feel sorry for those who practice it. Sounds like unconditional walk-all-over-me.
Real forgiveness is only unconditional. Anything else is just having an ego.
@SupperMick@xanga - Word. You named that tune in 1!
forgive but never forget.
why would i want my boyfriend to love me unconditionally? that means that no matter how i treat him, he loves me - if i kick him, he will forgive me, if i cheat on him, he forgives me. that completely takes the value out of the love for me, because it says to me that he is a doormat and a pushover, not someone who wants the very best for himself. and if he doesn't want the best for himself, what will he have to give to me? his second-best in all things? no thanks!
If one person repeatedly or carelessly does hurtful or mean things to the other, I don't see any reason for forgiveness. I'd take it as a sign that it's time to end it.
I wrote a blog about this... http://sasgal.xanga.com/744355747/ubuntu---a-little-something-for-us/
To me, one the most important pieces of the Ubuntu philosophy is forgiveness -
"Forgiving is not forgetting; its actually remembering--remembering and not using
your right to hit back. Its a second chance for a new beginning. And the
remembering part is particularly important. Especially if you don't want
to repeat what happened."
— Desmond Tutu
and
"Forgiving and being reconciled to our enemies or our loved ones are not about
pretending that things are other than they are. It is not about patting
one another on the back and turning a blind eye to the wrong. True
reconciliation exposes the awfulness, the abuse, the hurt, the truth. It
could even sometimes make things worse. It is a risky undertaking but
in the end it is worthwhile, because in the end only an honest
confrontation with reality can bring real healing. Superficial
reconciliation can bring only superficial healing."
— Desmond Tutu
There is a difference between unconditional forgiveness and not letting someone continue to mistreat you. You forgive them, yes, because that's what Jesus told you to do. However, that does not mean you let that person continue to walk all over you; it does not mean you have to sit back and let that person abuse you in whatever way. It's a judgment call about what point you cut that person out of your life.
Forgiveness might stop the bleeding but is doesn't mean they won't cut you again just the same.
Forgiveness is about YOU letting go and not dwelling on what they did and letting it consume you. Sweeny Todd is what happens if you don't forgive. It ends up ruining you more than the other person. It has nothing to do with letting the person hurt you again. You forgive your abusive husband after you have delt with the pain and left him. You forgive him after you call the cops on him and have him arrested. Forgiving just means moving past what the person did to live your life...with or without them. The injustice they caused you no longer consumes you. So should forgiveness be unconditional? Yes! It's healthy.
What your talking about isn't forgiveness, it's mercy. Mercy is freeing them from punishment. Forgiveness is freeing yourself from punishment. Mercy is conditional.
@linguistic_nonsense@xanga - I agree all the way!
@autotroph -
I agree