Saturday, 18 June 2011
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Don't Come Knocking at My Door!
I'm sure most of us have been there at one point or another and it sucks. BIG TIME. I’m talking about the situation where you think things are going great with someone and then boom—they disappear. This blog entry isn’t to address why they decided to jump ship just as you thought you were smooth sailing because I’m sure each individual had their own specific reasons. What I really want to question is: Why couldn’t he (or she) just tell you they wanted to leave instead of pulling a Houdini?I asked a fellow relationship blogger friend of mine this question and one of his answers left me quite perplexed. He stated that a possible reason why a guy might choose not to ‘formally’ end things is because he thinks that not doing so, leaves some kind of ‘open door’ in case he decides he wants to come back in the near future. I'm sure this is especially the case if the guy is shall we say, checking out other prospects. I don’t know about you, but even if a guy is leaving to be with someone else, I think I deserve the the courtesy of him telling me “hey, I don’t think this is working out anymore.”
Whatever the case may be, if he decides to leave without so much as a goodbye, he has pretty much eliminated any future chances of touching my heart…or any other part of my body for that matter. In actuality, he has not only closed the door, but he locked it behind him and threw the key into the Atlantic Ocean! On the other hand, If the guy had offered some kind of explanation as opposed to just disappearing, I would #1. respect him for being so forthcoming and #2. Depending on how/why things ended, possibly be willing to give him a 2nd chance if he comes back around.
I suspect that the ultimate reason people leave without any notice is that they don’t want to deal with the emotional fallout from the other person that sometimes follows a breakup. It’s kind of like when you spill something at the grocery store and you sneak away so no one can blame you for it. Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, the truth still remains you left a mess behind.
Break-ups can be messy and emotionally draining and I suppose, it seems easier to just to make a break for it, but, unfortunately, this is only easy on one of the parties involved. I think if you at any time actually cared for the person/respected them, you should be able to deal with a few uncomfortable moments and tell him or her you want to end things…especially if there’s even the slightest chance you may want to come back.
What are your opinions of this ‘open door’ theory? Have you ever decided to “pull a Houdini?"
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- From: Cassie
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Comments (5)
Exactly. I think people are too scared to actually do the hard things. They want what ifs to remain. They want to have their cake and eat it too when they can't. I think if the relationship is genuinely over, tell the person. You can't always have a open door with every relationship.
haha, I did because the guy lied to me to get back together after a breakup. He promised to stop his excessive drinking and go seek counseling. He often starts avoiding me when he's out drinking for a week straight. Zero contact at all. The last straw was when I stopped by his shop to confront him, and he said that he doesn't believe he has a problem at all. Stress from work was to blame. I just walked out and never talked to him again. I know having contact with him will allow him to weasel his way back into my life.
I agree with that theory because he is selfish and greedy, so he is keeping the woman as another option, so if his other women that he's dating and stringing along don't work out, then he can appear again and make some excuse of why/where he went during the houdini trick...which might include something that you can't really call him out for unless you get the death certificates if he says that someone in his family died, which might or might not be true, so he was depressed and had to have some alone time for a few months or a year. even if it were true, then he can still tell me that he needed some time apart due to personal family issues/tragedies, rather than seem shady. anyway, I usually don't give the guy a second chance if he pulls a houdini and uses me at his convenience. I might've been into him in the beginning, but after he disappears and doesn't care about my feelings, then I'm already too annoyed to like him and have likely moved onto someone, who appreciates me and shows it.
I can't stand this method at all...however I guess it makes it quicker to get over the guy.
I've never done this to anyone. I've always flat out told them if I wasn't interested, then I wasn't interested. That stopped the unwanted texts and unwanted calls right away. I've had guys do this to me and boy did it piss me off....they wonder why I would some times try to contact them still even though they haven't been answering with me thinking they'd still might want to hang out because the last time i saw them in person we were on good terms and then they pull this stunt. if they would have grown some balls and told me they weren't interested in me then i would have just stopped trying to text them right off the bat.
I just call those guys (and girls) who do that cowards -- who can't man up and say they're not interested.
They're just as bad as people who break up over technology, long distance I understand technology, but when you could easily see some one face to face, there's no excuse.
The open door theory makes some sense. But a lot of people don't formally break up with those they are dating because they don't want to go through the awkwardness of it. It's a shitty reason and a shitty thing to do with someone, but it's still the truth.