Friday, 17 June 2011
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I Don't Point Out "Hot" Girls to My Boyfriend
I rarely read Datingish but I did when one of my subscribers recommended an article entitled "I'm The Cool Girlfriend Who Points Out Hot Chicks To My Boyfriend". This article very much bothered me, especially since I find myself a really laid back girlfriend.I would never point out a girl's boobs or butt to Tom [my boyfriend] and I'm incredibly secure with my relationship. Tom is the first guy I have trusted 100% not to hurt me or cheat on me. He's been there for me through the good and the bad. He helps me and supports me. He's my best friend and lover in a nutshell. However, I believe that I should be the only girl he should be looking at thus I wouldn't point out someone with big boobs or a curvy booty.
Yes, it bothers me that my boyfriend talks about his exes merely because I really don't want to hear about his past and what he's done with them. It's exactly what I just said: his past. I'm his present and hopefully future. I believe that the past should stay in the past. I never talk about my exes, though he knows about how horrible one was there for me because he picked up the pieces from that one. It's just something that shouldn't be discussed in a relationship.
Yes, it bothers me a little bit if he talks to a female I hardly know anything about. It's only because he is my boyfriend, not theirs. I don't mind if I know them or he tells me about them. It's just sort of strange if he's talking to a female that you don't know about and puts up red flags. It doesn't make me an insecure person; it just makes me a normal girl concerned.
I feel beautiful and sexy and hot. I feel confident. I trust and love my boyfriend, so please don't call me insecure just because I don't want to point out other girls to my boyfriend. He's mine and I'm his.
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- From: misswildflower@xanga
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Comments (202)
Yes!!!! Not pointing out other attractive women isn't me being insecure, it's me being respectful to the man I'm with. Thank you for writing this.
It seems you have a really good relationship with Tom. I'm happy for you. Other people's expectations about what makes you a good girlfriend or not really don't matter.
I don't think it makes someone insecure to not point out other people.
But, I do think some girls are very beautiful and will say so. I mean, the world is full of them. To find someone beautiful does not always mean you're sexually attracted.
its a matter of personal opinion/personality. some girlfriends do, some dont. it doesnt mean you are insecure or confident whether you point out other girls!
i point out how hot girls are all the time, but im not that secure when im in relationships. so i completely contradict that girls post. haha
and im sure while you dont point out other girls but are confident, there are girls who dont mention it because they are insecure.
basically its impossible to stereotype people based on whether or not they point out other girls!
@Murphy_Rants@xanga - I don't mind if my boyfriend finds girls pretty, but I'm not the one to tell him that. Who am I to know if he thinks a girl is pretty or not? And the way the original article was worded, ("look at that girls boobs" & "that girl's ass is huge") made it seem like the author was pointing out girls he would be sexually attracted to.
well said girl! i'm the same way, if i wanted to point it out, why not just hand him over to them while i'm at it? Now i don't think i'm that pretty so maybe i'm a little insecure but i've been screwed over and cheated on in my past that I sort of have that right. But he wouldn't point out guys abs and muscles or their dicks to me so why would i do that for him? It's unneeded, i'm perfectly happy with my man's body.
you say you're not insecure, and yet...
"Yes, it bothers me a little bit if he talks to a female I hardly know anything about."
that's not security.
YES!!!
@ohveryoung@xanga - Exactly. When I was with my wife, ogling other women would have been the low point of disgraceful conduct. Now that she's gone, it's just plain vulgar.
@too_pretty_to_die@xanga - I said it isn't insecurity. It's just disrespectful to me. I'm really old fashion and if he doesn't meet the girl at school or in person, it puts up red flags. Now go leave my article alone.
@misswildflower@xanga - I guess it is different to point out girls HE would find pretty rather than ones you found pretty. I didn't read that article though.
I'm sorry that I'm the one who has to say it, but, if you are under the impression that you are the only girl that your boyfriend looks at, then you are sadly mistaken and also a bit naive and young.
My father and mother have been married 21 years and I know my father still checks out other women occasionally. Does that mean he'd cheat? No, not at all. He's absolutely devoted to her and loves her more then anythiing on this earth, and is one of the most trustworthy people I know. However, we all are human. I was deeply in love with my ex boyfriend and if I was walking in the mall and saw a decent looking guy I'd take a second glance. It doesn't mean I want to bang the guy, or that I want to cheat on my boyfriend, I just like to look at handsome men.
To say that you want your boyfriend to only check you out is silly. While he may love you and be trustworthy, not saying he isn't, and you guys may have a stable relationship, he is going to look at other girls. Whether or not you choose to point them out is your call, I personally do point out girls to my boyfriend but that's also because I like to look at pretty women too, especially if they're wearing something I like etc, but don't let him tell you that you're the only girl in the world he finds attractive, because sorry honey, that's not the case.
I definitly dont point out women to my boyfriend........
@misswildflower@xanga - you say respect, i say insecurity. to each his/her own. then again, i'm not old-fashioned in the slightest. my boyfriend and i have discussed our exes very often, because we do not want to keep anything from each other. if a guy flirts with me, i tell him about it and we laugh. girls hit on him all the time while he works, and we think it's funny. it doesn't bother me in the slightest. just because he's talking to a girl, that doesn't mean he wants to be with her.
@omgroxie@xanga - I never said that but I'm not going to be the one who points those females out. I know he's attracted to Selena Gomez (I have no idea why, but he is). It's not my place and knowing he likes Selena who's looks are total opposite of mine, I'm not going to waste time showing girls that are pretty to me. Hell, I think I'm the only pretty one for him. Call me self centered, but it's true.
The whole point of this is saying that women who don't blatantly point out females aren't insecure.
@too_pretty_to_die@xanga - Lol. Insecure. Not to the slightest honey. I have a great, beautiful relationship with Tom so don't judge me from one thing.
@misswildflower@xanga - Not saying that women who don't point out females are insecure.
"However, I believe that I should be the only girl he should be looking at"
That's what threw me off.
@too_pretty_to_die@xanga - @misswildflower@xanga - i'm on board with too_pretty. it's not disrespectful for him to be talking to other girls. it WOULD be disrespectful if he had romantic intentions with them. i, for example, have a propensity to talk to everyone, everywhere--street, train, grocery store, whatever. and, in fact, most of my friends are girls. i could never put up with a girlfriend who wasn't okay with all that (and for that matter, she wouldn't be able to put up with me, either).
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Hmmm my boyfriend met me on the internet on a dating site; that puts up red flags a little bit. Online is just a little weird for me. I just said that it doesn't bother me if he meets a girl at school or in person. His friends are females but I know them. Would you want your girlfriend to have random guy friends she met online and talked to all day?
@omgroxie@xanga - Who cares if I believe that? Just tell me that. It's what I feel and I really don't care if he does. But I just don't want to believe that he does. It doesn't make me stupid, naive or anything like that. It just means that I don't give a crap if he does and that I'm his girlfriend.
Yeah but don't you want to be coooooool?
/sarcasm
@too_pretty_to_die@xanga - I agree with you in that being "red flagged" by seeing him talk to a girl that she doesn't know how he met her is probably a little insecure. I think this poster might be very young.
Now, I also agree with the OP that pointing out hot girls is not necessarily a sign of security. I don't do it, but I'm very secure in my relationship. However, I don't get all freaked out when my husband talks to other females. That's not really a warning sign or red flag, that's just a consequence of being human non-hermit.
@misswildflower@xanga - If you don't care, why say it? Relax.
@misswildflower@xanga - i'm confused. why are there red flags?
@WaitingToShrug@xanga - What is OP? (I couldn't resist)