Thursday, 16 June 2011
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It's More Painful to Part With the Jewelry Than the Exes
I still love the jewelry my old boyfriends have given me. Sometimes it's more painful for me to have to part with the rings, earrings, bracelets and necklaces than it is to part with the guys. In the beginning of a breakup, I don't wear their jewelry because it depresses me. It's like a shiny, beautiful reminder that my relationship wasn't shiny or beautiful.After a few weeks, I feel like wearing my jewelry out (especially my rings) is a jinx, and will prevent me from meeting someone new. Guys take one look at my fingers and think that I'm taken. Who knows, maybe my exes have put some sort of curse onto the rings, causing the wearer a life of misery.
After a few months, I usually have a new boyfriend and feel that it's completely disrespectful to him if I wear jewelry that was lovingly given to me by a past flame. I can just imagine my boyfriend holding my hand and saying, "Where did you get this ring from?" "Oh that, my ex-boyfriend." Cue the fire, wind, and whatever else you'd need for an apocalipse.
In Sex & the City, Charlotte refuses to stop wearing her flawless, two carat engagement ring, not because she missed her ex-husband, but because she is so in love with the ring that she cannot bear to remove it from her finger. I completely understand. An old friend of mine once got dumped by a guy she dated for 3 years. She was sure she would marry him, until one day he told her that he couldn't stand her and wanted everything he'd ever bought her back.
We were all shocked – not about the not being able to stand her, because no one could stand her – but about the jewelry.
Do people do this? I mean, I've heard of engagement rings being asked for back – but engagement rings are either family heirlooms or very, very expensive (or both). So that's understandable. But any birthday, anniversary, or "I love you" gift she's ever received from him? That's just shady.
If someone ever did that to me I'd give him a quarter and tell him to buy a soul. None of my exes have ever treated me like that – even during a breakup they freaking knew better. Maybe it's better off that girls receive non-sentimental gifts, like clothes, purses, and shoes? I have never stopped wearing articles of clothing that I have gotten as gifts from my exes. My thinking is, if I can still fit into it, it's being worn.
And bags aren't usually tokens of love or celebrations of anniversaries. They're usually either suck up gifts, birthday presents, or "I'm sorry I made an inappropriate comment about your best friend's ass" apology tokens. Yes, non-jewelry items are much easier to deal with and wear post-breakup. So where is my old jewelry right now? On top of my dresser, in my jewelry box...untouched, but not unloved.
Do you still love the jewelry your exes gave to you? Do you have them locked away, or do you still wear it?
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About the Author
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- From: Jenn
- About Me: I have been on more bad dates than I have fingers and toes to count on -- and I'm only in my early twenties! I laugh when I watch 'Sex & the City,' because I've had so many dysfunctional relationships that they might as well as made me their 5th friend. Even so, I used to love going on dates with different guys (now I only let one guy take me out on dates), eating great food, and talking on the phone until 3AM. I never did get over the idea that a guy should treat a girl like a princess -- even if I've encountered one too many frogs.
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Comments (65)
Before I even clicked the link I knew this was written by Jenn. I could tell from the intro. I don't know if that's a good thing, or a bad thing.
I get better gifts than jewelry.
No, but really, if I were to stop using things my exes gave me, I wouldn't have an ipod or a badass Nightmare Before Christmas Tiffany-style lamp.
Gifts are just that, gifts - you don't get them back years later just because. Engagement rings are different because those have promises attached. If you can't keep said promise, why should you keep the ring? That's just how I see it ...
Okay, I've made up my mind. It's a bad thing. Shallow, shallow, shallow.
I've never had a guy ask for much back, but the things they have, I have given back without a problem. (They were understandable things, sentimental to him or family) You didn't have it before. You can live without having it again. Sure it may be pretty, but trust me, you can do without it. I wouldn't consider someone who asked for stuff back to be void of a soul. That's just silly. Jewelry and bags, etc are just things, material possessions. I'd much rather do without the stuff than be perceived as shallow.
That being said, most guys who ask for stuff back are either shallow or cruel and I would be glad to be rid of them. I don't want the things I've given my guys back, because they were gifts. Gifts don't come with strings, or at least they shouldn't. Luckily, I date guys who feel the same way.
I also noticed that many of the gifts you mentioned are very status oriented. Jewelry does "stake claim" like other gifts can't. But, I'd much rather get things from men that I enjoy than something that I'd feel guilty of wearing later if things so sour. I like the books I've gotten, blankets, the handmade wooden box, movies. Give me something practical over a status symbol like jewelry, clothing, or bags any day.
This immature and materialistic attitude is probably the reason why you have so much bad luck.
Actually, I tend to GIVE back jewelry to my exes if they given me because I don't want to wear it and think about them or what had gone wrong or etc... It's like keeping old love letters. Ugh.
and purses ARE not bad gifts. I love my purses my boyfriend has gifted me for birthdays and our month to month celebration gifts.
Afterall, I wanted THAT particular design and that PARTICULAR style and he went out of his way to search and find. :)
hrm. honestly, i never really got jewelry i liked from boyfriends. i always wondered if they even knew me... lol. stuff id never wear... but i happily accepted them because it was sweet. so since i never wore them, i didnt have to worry about that when the relationship finished. but i did keep them, have them all somewhere safe where i can look upon them when i want. =)
not sure why people are calling this stupid and immature, there are a lot of other things on the internet that people read that are more immature. To me this seems like what a datinghish site, from a girl OP's perspective, is- the little things that some (of course not all) girls care about, like the taboosand such. Fun and funny to read.
I don't wear them, I actually end up losing them because I keep them for so long since they're so expensive... but i keep them around and don't know what to do with them, so they end up just floating around somewhere. I don't wear the stuf after the break up no matter what item it is (i've only gotten clothing and jewelry, neither of which has been really my taste haha :P ).
I wish I had gotten stuff that I liked from exes. Most of the jewelry that I got, I didn't like it at all. I've also never had any guy ask for anything back, nor would I date a guy that would freak out b/c I was wearing something an ex bought for me.
I keep all of the stuff that my exes gave me. The thought is: that once they give it to me, it's mine and I have no reason to give up even if the relationship ends.
Jewelry included.
I don't understand why people call this immature or shallow. It's a gift, it is yours. It can be said for a lot things. Or for any other kind of relationships, romantic or otherwise. All situations that includes other relationships with people and gift giving, otherwise, I'd be giving back all the gifts I got from friends that I don't talk to anymore.
I got a few pieces of jewelry from my ex. His mom and sister both made jewelry, so I got some from them and then he bought me this guardian angel necklace. It was a really nice gesture and I did wear it after we broke up. Eventually, though, I just stopped wearing all of it. Just because. I don't think it's that big of a deal, either way, but whatever one is comfortable with.
And, yeah, I also wonder why people are calling this immature and shallow. Huh?
I understand family heirlooms and stuff like that. I would give those back. What is immature and shallow would be for a guy to ask for stuff back that he bought as a token of his love. Gifts are just that. Gifts. A guy would look like a total ass if he asked for it back.
And if he was immature enough to take it to court, he would most likely lose.
I never got jewelry from guys. some of my family members have given me jewelry as gifts though. one of them won a jackpot at a casino, so she was generous enough to buy gifts for family to share the happiness. I prefer vintage jewelry than the designer ones at the store. most guys that I've known don't really know my style despite knowing me, or they just weren't paying attention to know what types of gifts that I'd like, so I get gift cards to go and buy my own things, which is nice, but I like surprises
at least they didn't forget about me
I usually get poems as gifts, so that has special value. I have a lot of vintage jewelry that I've bought for myself, so I don't have to feel that I owe anybody anything
all miiiiiiiiiiiiine
I love dressing up then putting on pretty accessories and posing in front of the mirror while making sexy conceited faces
A gift is just a gift... material things. On the other hand, if a guy you were dating were divorced and still wearing their wedding ring, that's just wrong.
Grow up, you sound like you're in high school.
Yeah, because no human being would seriously consider being with you, only materialistic things, but that is probably because they can't speak up for themselves.
"Sometimes it's more painful for me to have to part with the rings, earrings, bracelets and necklaces than it is to part with the guys."
Great. What have these guys done to deserve you? At first, they took you out on a date of which you insisted that they had to pay, then they gave you gifts (which you won't give back after the breakup though you don't intend to touch them) that you loved more than the givers themselves, then you cheated on them with their bestfriends. What sad is that you seem to cling to the gifts from the men more than their devotion/love for you, but that might be your character, so I'll have no say about it.
Usually your posts are somewhat offensive, but still funny, this one is just ... lame and nonsensical. I thought it was hyperbolic and tongue-in-cheek at first, but after I found out that you were being serious, it was disappointing. You keep both sentimental and non-sentimental gifts anyway, so what's the point here?
It's my property. He bought it for me. I would throw it away if it were cheap or pawn it. I don't like having reminders of bad things in my past.
honestly most of my jewelry came from my ex boyfriends as a "I'm sorry" type of thing, for doing something dick-face. so most of the time i get rid of it, or i give it back, and in some cases i'll just give it away. ;)
i have no idea why people are giving you shit for this post. by the time an ex becomes an ex, they've lost their shininess and revealed their ugly parts... but that lovely necklace stayed true to me, so why do i have to let it go? so i don't.
my boyfriend never asks where i get my jewelry from, though... i don't think he cares less where or how i acquired it. he doesn't ask where i get my belts or shoes or dresses from either, after all.
@Hinase@xanga - @swtaznxtc90@xanga - i agree with what hinase said about gifts and for the most part over all agree that keeping such things is a forgone conclusion, what gave me pause and what i think is putting a bad taste in people's mouths is this.
"Sometimes it's more painful for me to have to part with the rings, earrings, bracelets and necklaces than it is to part with the guys."
@ionekoa@xanga - It didn't leave me a bad taste because I've heard it said so many times, that there are other fish in the sea if it doesn't work out in the end. Relationships aren't forever, and some do have an early expiration date. The jewelry can't hurt you like a person can..so sometimes, they are valuable and something good in a otherwise shitty relationship.
@Hinase@xanga - i'm just not sure how much i agree with that. i mean ethically not practically.it's been a LONG time since i've been in anything CLOSE to a relationship, but to me, i wouldn't even enter one unless i really cared about the person, so the thought of a thing being worth more to me than they are; that and being a guy, and a guy who's been on the unworthy list pretty much his whole life, to me this kind of statement kind of hits close to home.
The way this post was written makes her sound shallow / materialistic gold digger just from the first 2 sentences.
" Sometimes it's
more painful for me to have to part with the rings, earrings, bracelets
and necklaces than it is to part with the guys"
^^ that is why we dont like Jenn
Not because we cant relate to her* oh we can all relate to her and her dating experience
It's cause the way she portrays herself and her make her sound snooty
I keep jewelries from my exes yes* but I dont wear it. I keep them in a box.
The relationship meant more to me than just a stupid swarvoski / tiffany&co necklace
Seems like Jenn's writing style has improved* quite a bit I should say
@ionekoa@xanga - I don't get into a relationship with anyone unless I care about them either but so much changes in just a few months. I was in a real shitty one with my ex, well it became shitty right at the end. At the beginning it was wonderful and great but it started to lag and he just started to treat me badly. The thing was, with the changes in people's behaviors and feelings, you start to change to and what you once felt is gone and you try to look for something good in a bad relationship. I understand. It normally doesn't for me, but in trying to find something good out of anything (relationships included). I cared a lot about people in my life and still they hurt me but in the moments when they were friends, they gave me not only gifts but great memories. But the thing is, my feelings changed when theirs did. I realized whatever I got from them, whether it be material things or not, were gifts because they contained all those wonderful memories we all shared.
It really can be said about women as well. They are plenty of dozen as well especially when in a relationship. I feel your pain as well. It took a long time for me to get into relationships and I have a lot of issues myself, so I completely understand.
This is why I refuse jewellery from anyone. Friends, too. My ex wasn't allowed to buy me anything over a certain price and definitely no jewellery. It's not that I want to lessen chances of having the same thought process you express (more painful to part with a man who bothered with you enough to feel safe in buying you some pretty and shiny and lovely? Okay). It's that the amount of money spent on a gift shouldn't mean anything - gifts shouldn't be indicators of good/bad times with someone you shared a good/bad relationship... they're sentimental, I know, but when people start thinking that on anniversaries and birthdays mean women should get jewellery because "they're worth it", when it all ends and the guy realises she wasn't worth it... it's just not worth the conversations about asking for stuff back and debating the point that someone meant it as a gift and gifts can't be taken back.
I get what you're saying, though. I just choose not to care so much about expensive things and any entitlement I might feel to jewellery because women are *supposed* to want it and receive them on special occasions these days... as it always complicates stuff. So anyway, this was interesting. I do think that if something is given as a gift, it can't be taken back. Including jewellery.
I sell everything for cash. lmao
@Hinase@xanga - It's not immature or shallow to keep it. It is, however, immature and shallow to suggest that a man doesn't have a soul for asking for something back.