Wednesday, 15 June 2011
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Lovin' the One You're With... Yay or Nay?
Dude, no! Personally, I think this is the worst advice ever. Not that I don't love Stephen Stills or the whole motley crew of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, but if you love someone else do NOT be with whoever you're with.It means you're selling yourself short and it means you're not giving your all to the person who you're with. If you're still in love with someone else, being with someone new isn't necessarily going to help you move on. It's just going to make the situation messier. Can you imagine dating some guy/girl and (s)he's just with you because (s)he can? What happens when you fall in love with this person and they tell you "Oh, sorry. I'm in love with someone else. You and I are just passing time."
NO. No, no, no, no. I would be so crushed if I was caught in a situation like this. If you can't be with the one you love, honey, you need some you time to work it out.
And, if what Stephen Stills is really saying is: if you've got a girlfriend, but she's not around, love someone else then REALLY, REALLY don't do it. Then, you're just cheating for the hell of cheating. That, I'm pretty sure, is something most people will certainly not condone and you'll be out on your ass faster than you can sing the chorus of this catchy tune.
What are your thoughts on this? Have you ever "loved the one you're with" while pining for someone else? Have you ever cheated when the opportunity arose?
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- From: TheDailyDane
- About Me: I'm Dane and I'm 20. Follow me on Twitter @danefeldman. I am a huge supporter of long-term relationships. What's the fun in knowing something will end in a week? Stick around for some long-term bloggin'.
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Comments (14)
When people settle, they make themselves miserable. There are plenty of spouses who stay with their husband/wife for all the wrong reasons. Staying with somebody who doesn't make you happy or satisfy you leads to emotional and physical infidelity. Be with the one you love.
I've pined away for a guy for around two years now. It's terrible. It's the worst feeling in the world. I began to date another guy who was an amazing person, and I eventually got over most of the feelings for the other guy, but there will always be the "what if" in the back of my mind.
It doesn't make me happy. It makes me miserable and scared as hell when I allow myself to acknowledge and accept it. I want to be 100% happy and carefree with another guy, but it won't happen (at least, not for a long time after we're dating). When I started dating the new guy, I was still hanging out with guy number 1 (we're incredibly good friends) and I was constantly thinking, "Is this new guy going to make me smile like you do? Can I be as comfortable with him as I am with you?" As the relationship with the new guy continued, the questions became, "What if you told me today that you've always liked me and you wanted me to leave the new guy for you? I like this guy so much, but do I like you more to break his heart?"
I never cheated and the second guy eventually broke up with me because he was moving across the country, but it continues. I wonder if the guy I pine for gets jealous when he hears about me and another guy, or sees me and another guy flirting/cuddling/etc. It's not all-consuming, but it lingers in the back of my mind constantly and nags at my head every once in a while. It's hard to say you don't care or keep things at a friendly level or hide your feelings from someone you're dating. For me, it's become easy and the feelings do eventually go away once I've been with a guy long enough, but it's difficult for me to start something because I'm always second guessing myself and my feelings.
This has inspired me to write a whole series of blogs about songs. Songs, particularly romantic songs, have the worse real life advice ever. Emotionally they trigger something because that's how we feel at the time. But to actually follow their advice would ruin our lives. It would make a funny series I think
What if the other person you love dies, or is an "impossible love", or left you because he/she didn't love you anymore, or is abusive, or simply isn't as good of a match as the person you're with? What if you learn later that the feelings you held for the other person weren't really love, but rather infatuation and lust? Are you still going to leave your current relationship? I think that would be ridiculous. Why ruin a good thing? What ever happened to commitment and loyalty?
Everybody uses "settling" like it's a dirty word, and they act as if swapping out not-quite-perfect romantic partners like life is one big open buffet is somehow a virtue. I agree that you shouldn't stick with a person who is obviously wrong for you, but sometimes, committing to someone who is pretty darn awesome but who isn't your ultimate idea of the perfect mate is OKAY. NOT EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO A PRINCE(SS) CHARMING. Chances are you probably aren't a perfect catch, yourself. Relationships take work, and they often get better with time. "Settling" might be a realistic option when your expectations are way too high, as they often are for the Entitlement Generation.
Also, being in a polyamorous relationship is a viable option.
I don't see what's wrong with this at all... I'm in love with a man, permanently and unrequitedly. But that doesn't make it suddenly impossible for me to dedicate myself to another relationship, and just because I love him doesn't mean I'd suddenly dump my current partner if he ever came after me.
Loving someone is all about doing what's best for them, and sometimes a relationship with yourself/myself isn't the best option. In that case, don't hold out to date them... Be with other people and love them. Keep an eye on the one you're in love with. Be happy.
Totally agree. It's not fair to anyone involved if you're with someone, but secretly wishing it was someone else. No es bueno.
I prefer bonnie raitt's "I Can't Make You Love Me" song to describe unrequited love.
this situation happened to me before and this song by kittie called mouthful of poison, is suitable for the aftermath emotions
:D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZW4APOt9KY&feature=related
@lyrra_askavi@xanga - I agree
Sometimes you love someone that doesn't love you back though, and if the person you love doesn't love you back then you have to just love the one you're with. That's the way I see it, anyway.
When I got with my kids father, he was a rebound of a rebound. I had been in 2 long term relationships before him and was not over either of them. It ate at me for a couple years & I would say I emotionally cheated, I would think of being with other guys and soo on. But then something lifechanging happened & Im glad it did even though it sucked. BUT I realized he loved me more than the world & I loved him the same and didn't need to dwell on other people. He is the one who makes me happy, he provides for me & our kids, Hes the greatest father & fiance I could ever ask for and if your too worried about someone else when your with your new SO you could miss out on how great they truely are. &/or loose them.
What if the person you love is horribly bad for you and took you for granted, but for some fucking reason, you still love them anyway? An unhealthy relationship with someone you love is not worth the pain and drama.Im with someone now who I love dearly and is my best friend, but Ill never be as in love with him as my ex. I never want to take my bf for granted like my ex did me, because he told me those exact words of "Why cant we just have fun while this lasts." It hurt. Im an idiot and still love him, but I never want to be that weak and pathetic again, so I moved on. Doesnt stop me from being in love with him. I just knew it was never going to be the way I wanted.
Dude, I always wondered if I was the only one who thought that about that song! I'd listen to it and be like wtf...no... Lol. Anyways...I'll finish reading now haha.
I've never gotten this song, either. I have sort of assumed that it was just a do-anyone-you-can kind of theme, which hasn't set well with me. Not that I only sleep with women I intend to marry, but this kind of unsettles me, too.
@design3rskyline@xanga - I have the same problem right now. I even tried to break things off with my new guy because I feel the reasons that I have so much doubt is that we got together too quick. Basically he begged me to let us try to openly communicate more (We had communication issues and he's halfway across country til I go back to school). I ended up giving in and giving him a chance and honestly I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. My crush of 6 years who I've been close to finally confessed to me that he's liked me too but we've been with different people all the time. I feel so drawn to him. More so than my bf. I don't know whether to just try to keep things up with the current bf or to distance myself. I wont see my crush for like 5 months while I'm at school cause I'll be far away. What to do? <3addy