Tuesday, 14 June 2011
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Technology is a Great Way to Dump Someone
Technology is great for a lot of things. In this day and age, you can text, call, email, send a Myspace message, write on a Facebook wall, or send a Tweet. You can connect to people who you otherwise would never see or hear from. You can form relationships, sustain relationships, and build on relationships. Unfortunately for the recipient, you can also end relationships.
Technology is a great way to break up with someone without doing it to his/her face. Do I recommend breaking up with your girlfriend via text without the fear of getting your car keyed the next day? No, I do not.
This whole “I’m done with you” through electronics is like one step down from Berger dumping Carrie via post-it on Sex & the City (if you can even go one step down from that). I once had a guy I was dating for a month (which is pretty long when you’re nineteen) write on my Myspace page (old school) “We need to talk.”
Everyone and their mother knows that “We need to talk” translates into “I’m dumping your ass.” I was mortified. Everyone saw it. It wasn’t even a freaking private message. That jerk wanted to embarrass me. And he succeeded. I deleted it immediately, and called him up to yell at him. If you want to break up with someone, fine, do it. But come on man, be civilized about it.
I'm seeing more and more people hide behind their text messages, email addresses, and Facebook accounts.
I’ve even had the opposite happen. I had an ex-boyfriend who would only profess his love for me through text message. He said nothing about it while we were on the phone, nothing in person, but the second his fingers hit those cell phone keys, he was on a roll. At the time I was just so happy that this heartless (I’ll write about him in another post, or ten) guy who was always making me feel horrible was actually saying something nice, even if it was through text.
That is unacceptable, too. Texting is quick and easy, but relationships aren’t. People deserve to have emotional conversations face-to-face.
A good friend of mine was dating a dentist for the later half of last year. This guy was awesome. He took her out to fancy dinners, he texted her throughout the whole day. He called her daily. He was a pretty good boyfriend. He even bought her a Coach bag "just because." Everything was going great until the dentist started acting a little strangely. Another woman, perhaps?
We never did find out. Because one day she got a text message saying that it just wasn't going to work out between them. A...text...message. After 6 months of dating. How repulsive.
And we've all been there. Time after time technology is proving to be quite the easy way out for countless guys (and girls). And why not? It's quick, non-confrontational, and painless. Except – let's focus on that last part for a second, shall we? Who, exactly, is it painless for?
Clearly not the person who wasn't respected enough for their partner to have the decency to meet with them face to face and let them down easy. Clearly not the person staring at a text, Facebook message, or email in total shock and disbelief, wondering why they not only weren't good enough for their boyfriend/girlfriend, but now not even good enough for a proper goodbye. Clearly not my friend, who cried for a week over her cold and heartless break-up text.
Were you ever broken up with via technology? Did it make you feel worse than if he/she would have done it face-to-face?
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About the Author
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- From: Jenn
- About Me: I have been on more bad dates than I have fingers and toes to count on -- and I'm only in my early twenties! I laugh when I watch 'Sex & the City,' because I've had so many dysfunctional relationships that they might as well as made me their 5th friend. Even so, I used to love going on dates with different guys (now I only let one guy take me out on dates), eating great food, and talking on the phone until 3AM. I never did get over the idea that a guy should treat a girl like a princess -- even if I've encountered one too many frogs.
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Comments (93)
For once, I actually agree with you.
I'm shocked.
finally a post where i don't want to bang my head against the wall after reading it! great job! that's more like it. and yes, i've been asked out in technology and dumped on technology as well.
this one guy about a year or two ago, he had asked me out in a facebook message. i had said no to him previously because i barely knew him but because he was so persistent about it, i gave it a shot, why not? so i said yes to going out with him when he asked me out in a facebook message. i only kept saying no to the guy before because i felt like he would dump me the next day after he asked me out which he did. we were unofficially hanging out with each other for two weeks before he asked me out again and i had accepted for being official...and the next day, he dumps me in a text message after introducing me to practically his entire family 12 hours before...i should have known he was weird like that, especially when he introduced me to his family like we had been going out for ages when i barely knew him. i knew his cousin before i met him, but i didn't want to meet his mom and dad already.
i was thinking are you SERIOUS?! people still do this technology dump when they're in their 20s? luckily i wasn't too invested in the guy so i guess it was good that it ended before it could start so i wouldn't get too hung up on him if he was going to dump me in a text message just like that.
This is hands down the best post I've seen by you. Good job.
I agree with you. I like this post from you too. ;) for once! keep it up like this! anyways... as for your question part yes. I was broken up with, by facebook. he changed himself as "single" on facebook and texted me saying "Go check facebook, i got something special for you <3" and i did, he sent himself as single on there, wrote a few shitty status about how he wished we didn't break up, and he wished he could talk bout it. Acting like a hurt one... he did it for a half an hour before i even knew we were "over" and when i checked facebook he didn't talk to me after I tried to call him. and he responded with a text message saying "I'm blocking you number. Sorry babe. Found someone sexier. Life is like that." i was pissed. Sent him a message, It was a long ass rant bout how he isn't this "gentle" men he claimed he was, and put myself as single. It hurt me so much more, I think he if talked to me, in person it wouldn't have hurt so much.
also a month isn't a long time for dating for a 19 yr old. :/ i'm 19 and i'll soon be dating my boyfriend for 3 months. :S
Texts do suck.
Also, a month is a long time to be dating someone when you're nineteen? :O (I only mention this because I know way too many engaged/married/pregnant people my age...)
This is an excellent post.
Personally I love the way that technology expedites communication, but in things like relationships, it should be seen as a supplement and not a replacement for face-to-face convos. We're still biological creatures, despite all of our gadgets, and we still need that emotional bond that a face to face provides.
I know plenty of folks who have been dumped via text. It's much worse than a face-to-face because, well... it's just cowardly, to be honest. On the other hand, it's a lot easier to rebound because they realize that those people are cowards, so... meh?
In some situations, breaking up with someone via text is the safest way you can do it. As it seems many young women on xanga have had at least one emotionally or physically abusive lover, it is definitely a preferred form of communication when it comes to those kinds of things.
*Snaps for Jenn*
When I was 19, I dated someone for 2 years. Actually, when I was 15 I dated someone for 2 years also. Dating for a month sort of seems like not dating at all to me.
I've broken up with a guy through Facebook chat. Definitely not my greatest moment. I felt like total shit, but this guy made it difficult to say ANYTHING honest to his face -- he kept giving me these puppy dog eyes and I just couldn't do it. And then we were chatting on Facebook and I saw my opportunity and took it. -.- I'd been wanting to end things for over a month. I'd tried to avoid ending it through technology, honest. I just never saw him (even though his dorm was basically across the street from mine. He was always "busy", you see) and I was starting to get fed up. So I was just like, fuck it, if I'm going to feel terrible either way, I may as well just use the method that gets shit done.
Like I said, not my greatest moment. I just hope I never have to do something like that again.
@MyFaire@xanga - What a dick move. I would of been furious, too, but eh. Some people are just.. ugh. Better now than later, I always say.
I actually broke up with an ex on email waaaay back then when MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, even TEXTING wasn't there - if they was, I didn't notice nor was it a BIG thing as it is today. I was a chicken shit and long distant calls was expensive, so I chose the easiest way to break up with him. We were civilized about it, so it was all good. Besides, I think if you have underlying issues and can't talk to your partner about how you are really feeling, I don't see no harm in sending them an email to explain yourself and your reasoning for a break up, but just don't text and say, "Let's break up."
YAY! your best post by far.
I was dumped by Facebook message at 2am the morning I was supposed to leave for Camp LeJuene. broke my heart
@MyFaire@xanga - that is so painful and awful. i could only imagine.
this other bf i had for a month a few years back, luckily he dumped me to my face which i'll commend him for because the guys after him i hung out with didn't even bother to dump me to my face nor text, etc., they just did the ignore and fade which i think is the worst. even though he was my first official bf, he's been the only one to break up with me to my face. and after we got home from breaking up i saw he quickly changed his status to single and then updated his status saying he was an ass. i was thinking...yeah no shit he's an ass because a few days before he was telling me he loved me and then asked me what nick names we should come up with to call each other and then he dumps me a day or two later....yet another crap relationship i had to deal with as a young adult which sounds like a middle school relationship. luckily i didn't believe he loved me and i had a feeling a break up was coming.
currently i'm hanging out with someone who i hope won't do that to me. even though it's long distance i really hope he doesn't pull that stunt but he's been the best so far and we can tell each other anything so i hope if he ever feels like not talking or hanging out anymore, he'll at least call me if anything.
ignore and fade is worse than technology dump...i'll give the technology dumps credit because they at least say something. can't tell you how many times i've put up with assholes who everything will be all hunky dory then all of a sudden they just ignore me out of the blue without a word.
Looking for the easiest way out. Yes, it is less painless for us
because all we have to do is hit "send" but some of us think that
maybe instead of you being upset, maybe we might be hoping
that you'd hate our guts saying "how could he do that to us" kind
of thing instead of the waterworks.
Not all guys are like that though. Some of us still have the brains
to respect the time that we shared with you girls. Make sure that
who ever you date though, that you make it clear that you don't
want to date a coward over all. Sorry, a few of my friends broke
up with their gf's and THEN told me how they broke up.
I scolded them.
But overall for this long message, I do apologize on behalf of the
Guy's side
Yeah, I hear ya on this one! :(
more posts like this, please :)
@MyFaire@xanga - That's an awful thing he did!!!!
I can't believe it. I hope she gave him herpes.
Yeah I actually like this blog. You are showing some empathy.
I had a boyfriend try to dump me via text but he couldn't do it in the end.
Though I ended up somewhat dumping him in text later. Though I think I am justified seeing as he tried to do that to me and all the things he was doing to hurt my feelings and our relationship hanging in the air, I decided to move on. He went away for a month saying we would work on things when he got back from California (where he would figure out his feelings for me) but with that extra time to think I realized I deserved better and when he came wanting me I said nope that we were done. I had met someone new too so that helped. Sexiest rebound ever. 
Mmm... sang guitar to me topless... swoon.
My ex broke up with me via a text out of the blue.
I was ready to break up with him, so I wasn't especially saddened by it. I was prepared to be friends after we split, but after the text-breakup I never spoke to him again.
I dumped 2 exes with text.
Wasn't proud of myself but the second time I did it out of impulse D:When you write posts like these, I don't feel the need to punch you. Well done (:
Unfortunately, I had to send a email to my ex about breaking up but our relationship had been over for awhile anyhow and emails were the only way I could get ahold of him. It was really mutual and a LDR too.
Though if I can't talk to someone face to face about breaking up, I call them and explain. I've had to do this to one other ex. Sometimes it can't be helped but usually you shouldn't try to do this. You should try to talk face to face but if you're going to break up, at least give some reasons why and be calm about it because it's hard to do anyhow.
Good post. ;P
:/ That dentist guy story is so weird. He was perfect, it sounds like, hah. Guess he was good at being a good boyfriend... but not brave enough to do the breaking up properly, face to face. Not an excuse for breaking up via TEXT, hell. But it seems sort of out of the blue. People who try so hard to be "good" at relationships like he did need to try and be good about ending them too, otherwise they just pass themselves off as douchebags and they ruin their own reputations even though they call daily, bother to do nice things for their gf, etc.
Only ever broken up face to face, so I can't say anything personally about it.
Sadly, this is the new "trend" that is being practiced by many people today out of convenience. Given time, this will become the new "norm."
I can't really say I've been broken up with via technology... more like shot down, but I would have wanted him to say it face-to-face rather than using technology as a cover.
Both my bastard exes dumped me via MSN, except for the second one, phone+sms+Facebook was added to it. He also did that "change relationship status" on Facebook and I had to check it to know:) wow thanks. It was literally out of nowhere and he told me he never wanted to see me again, never wanted to talk to me again, to not chase him back, to not go to his house, to never bring up him and I after that night as if we never existed. Then he did those lame "brb" and never came back on MSN, so I didn't even get to reply him. Pathetic. I dated him for half a year and unofficially a month before we were official too. Hope the skank he left me for does the same to him soon♥
lol if they can't relate, they cuss you out, but when they can relate, the praise and rec your posts. I think this post is too generic like I've read it before and there isn't enough personal bashing of calling him a scumbag to add spice to it:D
lol