Monday, 13 June 2011
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Safety and Escape through Sex
Excerpt from Tony Hoagland's poem Adam & Eve:
Does the woman see the man as a house
Where she might live in safety,
And does the man see the woman as a door
Through which he might escape the hated prison of himself,
And when the door is locked, does he hate the door instead?
Does he learn to hate all doors?
Dear Datingish readers: Discuss.
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- From: ThatBirdisAbsurd
- About Me: I just moved to New York after studying and living abroad for five years in Canada, Europe and India. One amazing thing about being back in America: knowing EXACTLY how to say what you want to say, RIGHT when you want to say it. English makes dating a lot easier.
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Comments (14)
A man does not always provide safety for a woman through sex. In my experience, a man can be a door just as a woman can be a door, just as a woman can be a house for a man, as a man can be a house for a woman. The interchange the roles is important. Understanding the roles is important.
If the man and woman are using each other to gain escape or safety only, I think there is potential for the relationship to result in hating the thing that they cannot provide. Call it a symbolic version of sour grapes.
this makes no sense to me...
the man is the head, the woman is the body.
so the door is a metaphor for her vag
a locked door means that she refuses sex, so he hates women that play "games" or women with strict standards, and goes for the loosey gooseys and becomes a manwhore
I am the main house. he is the garage where he lives as a makeshift doghouse because he is the boytoy and not the boss
The only thing I think that may be untrue about it is that women also use men as an escape, not just a house and sometimes they too end up hating the door.
Do married/taken men end up hating all women? I hope not. There can be great freedom if the relationship is good.
"Does the woman see the man as a house
Where she might live in safety,"
My take is:
There is a mythical beast -- known as woman that seduces a man for protection and food.
this is a very good website
you can go and see it
http://www.shoes4world.com
You are my favorite Datingish contributor. Thanks for posting something relevant about relationships.
I think that viewing the other person as an escape to/from something is dangerous to the relationship. I have no doubt that people do it, and most are unaware that they're doing it. Sex is supposed to be an expression of love, which is a response to the value of the other person. Both partners should be with the other because each answers the highest values in the other.
Um I don't know about other women, but I like sex and physical intimacy because it's the complete opposite of "safety". Who wants to feel "safe" and "secure" over fun, adventure and excitement..? .__.
I'll never get those who marry for the former alone.
In this world safety is just an illusion. There is no place we can escape to and be truly safe. The excerpt speaks to me not in terms of sex, but in terms of intimacy. We all long to belong. To feel wanted, needed, and accepted. In our devotion we find ourselves.
I am a shelter to my wife, and she is a shelter to me. We find safety in each other.
@valeriebeth04@xanga - ditto
@grammarboy@xanga - ditto. except when my fiance is smoking, he gets kicked out of the house AND the door refuses any escape or safety because I cannot pretend to understand that I know why he smokes. -_-;
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