Sunday, 12 June 2011
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Should I End My Relationship?
This post was submitted by an anonymous user.
Well lets start out with this; I've never been a "normal girlfriend." At least 8 of my boyfriend's friends have told me that they wish their girlfriends had the same thought process as I do and I've been told this a little over a dozen times all together from ex-boyfriends' friends as well.
My sister and I grew up in a group of 7 or 8 kids where we were the only girls. Needless to say, instead of being "girly girls" we have the mindset of a guy. Or at least I do.I have never once in my life been jealous when a boyfriend has cheated. I've only found myself mad at the girl IF she knew I was the girlfriend, because that would be a respect issue (for her being dumb enough to know I'm with the guy and still hook up with him). But don't get me wrong I DO know that it's the guy's fault and not hers.
But to the point, I've been with my current boyfriend for a little over 3 years. We've broken up a couple times but never for more then a few weeks. Over the past 3 years he's lied to me about everything under the sun.
He's cheated on me 4 times and has actually disappeared for God only knows what reasons. So eventually, you can imagine that even though I really don't get pissed at much, him being a weenie has taken a toll on our relationship.We used to be inseparable and absolute best friends. His friends became my friends, my friends became his. We would laugh and play and people would joke that we act like we've already grown old together. Our fights never lasted more then an hour and then we'd sit in silence and let each other cool down and go about our day as if the fight never happened and whatever we would fight about would never be brought up again.
We've been through it all but because he's more or less of an idiot, we don't really get along very well. The fights started to last days instead of hours and he'd decide he didn't want to be with me anymore then call the next day and want me back. His feelings had turned into a yoyo.So we sat down a couple weeks ago and had the longest heart to heart either of us had ever had with anyone let alone each other. We decided our relationship wasn't working; that we were starting to hate each other rather than love and we've been together too long to waste any more time if it's not going to work.
So we came to the conclusion that we were going to spend the next day pretending the other one didn't exist, and I had a blast. I went out and it felt awesome. He however ended up calling me at the beginning of the night all upset and realized this, that and the third.Since this happened it's like it's back to how it was 3 years ago. He tells me absolutely everything...calls and texts me every second that he's awake and actually tells me that he misses me and all that mushy garbage that I haven't seen out of him in a year.
But it's only been a couple weeks and it still doesn't feel right. I do love him. We've really gone through everything together and at the end of the day I know we're both thankful to have each other and I know that he knows he won't find anyone that lets him do whatever he wants and although he does take advantage of it, he appreciates it.
I mean, who wants to constantly be nagged every time they want to have a guy's night out or even sneeze in the direction of a girl? I'd go insane if I were a guy with a girlfriend like that.But my question is; if you take into consideration the connection that we have, should I stick with it and see if it really has gone back to a normal and healthy relationship? Or should I bail before I get deeper into this?
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Comments (82)
He cheated on you 4 times. That alone she be a RED FLAG to call it quits.
I can see cheaters being forgiven if they cheat once. Sometimes it's a moment of weakness, etc.
Four times though? I think you're settling for what's "safe" (if you can call your relationship that) rather than doing what you need to and letting go. From your description, it sounds like you can do better, and it sounds like you know that you can do better.
You just have to take the plunge.
@CrimsonxBallad@xanga - I agree!
I am a really cool girlfriend, but if someone cheated on me 4 times I'd be done in a second. You need to stop being so laid back and be a little more assertive. Walk away...actually run.
I think if you are married, cheating is something that can be worked out in counseling and people should try to save their marriage, but you are not even engaged..and you are already having these problems. I see this as a vicious cycle. Don't let yourself be stuck in it any longer. Leave. He will probably beg for you back at some point. Just ignore him no matter what and tell him to go see one of the four girls he fucked behind your back if he needs comfort.
its not just the guys fault.
its the guy and the girls fault./
and um... if you break up one time.. that means the issue was there in the first place to break up.
why get back with them?
yes, you should end it.
he obviously doesn't respect you enough to be faithful
yeah i tried hard to read it all but when i got to the he cheated on you four times... any supposed "connection" doesnt mean shit. if it was an open relationship, it wouldnt be called cheating so since you said he cheated, i assume this is supposed to be a committed... between two people relationship. so i say, GTFO. what the hell are you waiting for?! even you say it doesnt feel right. my goodness woman! wake up.
@roxybabe1623@xanga - Cheating once is enough for me. I'd be off to better things. Personally I think I'm worth too much to allow someone to continuously harm me. I don't mean it in a conceited way, I just think more people need to open their eyes. Real love doesn't lie, or cheat.
Seems like you think of yourself as a good girlfriend, so why not be with someone who appreciates it? I mean really appreciates it. There are guys that won't cheat on you. Or you could just be single. Either way, from what you described the relationship doesn't seem healthy to me at all. And chances are very likely that it won't ever become healthy. I know it's hard to let go but the truth is in the long run you'll probably be a lot better off.
@ShirleyD@xanga - I really like you.
I think your upbringing taught you to be a door mat. You should have left this hunk of junk a long time ago.
i definitely think you need to at least spend some time apart
stay friends if that's at all possible for him AND you, but don't be in a relationship with him.
it's not fair to you.
What is the obsession with being the "cool" girlfriend? If your guy is dating you and doesn't think you're a "cool" girlfriend, or if you don't think you're a "cool" girlfriend, there are deeper issues. (/side rant)
Being a "cool" girlfriend doesn't mean you let someone walk all over you. Cheating on you not once, but four times? That's just unacceptable for any monogamous relationship. You've broken up once before, and you've written this post, so you're obviously not as happy as you want to be and after three years if he doesn't make you as happy as you want to be what is the point exactly? You may care for him, but honestly it sounds like your relationship just doesn't work, "cool" girlfriend or not.
Stop focusing on the good aspects and focus instead on the heinous shit he has done to you.
Bail. Move on. Seriously.
I can't believe I have to say this to someone who knowingly has been cheated on four times, but leave already.
you're not his girlfriend, you're a doormat with a conveniently placed vagina. get out.
For your sake, I think you should split ways with the guy. Something that was pointed out to me when I was in a sour relationship: if you continue forgiving him like you do....you're only planting that seed in his head that doing wrong is ok, because you're just going to turn around and forgive him if he pulls the shit again. I've been in the position. It finally got the point where I just couldn't put myself through it anymore. I tried a friendship with him...he started hitting on me again...and I later found he was still seeing the other girl. So I basically told him to f*ck off =)
You're saying so yourself that it still doesn't feel right, chances are you're right. Learn from it...and move on.
Stop selling yourself short. You deserve so much better.
Sorry but from wht I read.....dump his butt. 4 times cheated on. Once is too many times.
I think the simple answer would be to drop him immediately on the basis of cheating not just once but four times.
I didn't even have to read past the "he's cheated four times" part to say LEAVE HIM.
if you have to ask the public's advice on should you end your relationship, i think it is that bad.
maybe it's time to understand that although you guys may love each other, but sometimes the timing is just not right or the places are just not right for the moment.
If you don't feel comfortable, leave. He cheated 4 times.
"should I stick with it and see if it really has gone back to a normal and healthy relationship?"
When was it normal and healthy to begin with? The couple times you broke up? Or the 4 times he cheated?
If you are asking the question the answer is always: Yes, Yes you should. Get out. Get out now.
You're right. You're not a "normal girlfriend." You're a doormat who lets her boyfriend disrespect and cheat on her and still take him back. Seriously? Even a mindset of a guy would of leave already!
Why would you be jealous when your boyfriend has cheated? You should be upset and reevaluate your relationship (if you needed to) and see WHY you would even give him another chance.
Obviously, your relationship is not healthy. He has cheated and lied to you. You guys have broken up multiple times. You really think you should stay together? Really?
Sorry, but if you don't talk about your issues that cause you two to fight, how are you going to resolve them and prevent them from happening again?
As far as I'm concern, there are MANY "girlfriends" who does let and don't mind if their significant other go out and not explode when their significant other is glancing at another female. Did you really think you were the only one?
I mean, wow, who wouldn't want a girlfriend like you? I'm sure many douche would love a girlfriend like you that they can lie and cheat to, but you'll still take them back at the end of the day.
No, I'd leave. Obviously you're not worth being committed to in his eyes.