Thursday, 09 June 2011
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That Summer You Thought You Could Have Sex With Your Ex For Fun
I'm naked on Jones beach, a Paramore concert is playing about 2 football fields away, and I'm having sex with my ex boyfriend with no thoughts of reconciliation. We are on a blanket under the stars and while it's not mind blowing, it's nice, sweet and as my legs wrap around his body as I'm on top we just hold each other and I realize the feeling I feel the most, I'm comfortable.
When I arrived at East Valley Day Camp for orientation for the fourth summer in a row, the last person I was expecting to see was "Allen" my boyfriend from high school who swore he would not be coming back for a fourth year. But as I rounded the corner to receive my name tag and sign in there he is, sitting by the camp stage with his bitch of a friend "Leigha," and I swear my heart is in my throat and I'm shaking.
I'm by myself, I have no one to sit with and I have to obviously be polite and say hi before taking a seat 5 rows in front of theirs. While I'm waiting for my friends to arrive I'm fidgeting in my seat, playing with my phone, wishing I brought a book or something and I practically feel Leigha's eyes burning through my back all the while hoping Allen is looking too.
His skin is tanner from the Florida sun and his hair is thick and long the way I like it and maybe it's just me but his eyes seem to have gotten more blue. Whatever it is I'm obviously still attracted to him but I can look at him without having any emotional attachment. I think. To get into the details, Allen was my best friend and I dated him for a year and 6 months in high school.
We were kids, but we were in love and we actually never had sex so there was always that wonder after we broke up which left a door open even when we felt closure. As the first part of the summer passed, Allen and I would smile at each other and wave politely and on the rare occasion would make small talk as he would make an excuse to come through the arts and crafts department.
But the day of the staff party Allen walked up to me asking me if I was going and when I said yes he stated "Ok! I'll see you there! Lets hang out!" I only thought he was being polite so I agreed and that's when one of my friends walked up to me and said "$20 bucks you make out with him. You two actually look like puppies when you talk to each other, you both got so cute I couldn't stop watching you guys!" Something in me kind of liked that idea and knew that if he made the move I wouldn't push him away.
That night I get to the staff party at 10pm and everyone there is pretty drunk. That's when I receive a text from Allen saying "Hey, I don't know if this is still your number or not but I just wanted to say hi." and here we go, I text him back and say that it's still me and that I'm still me and he should come up and say hi. He stated that he thought I wasn't going to show because I had come so late but that he wanted to see me.
I don't know what I was thinking but I text him "come find me" and in mere seconds there he was and instead of just hugging me and pulling back he just held me in his arms and whispered into my ear, "Can we go somewhere to talk?" I nodded and took him by the hand and led him down the stairs as everyone who knew our history watched with their jaws glued to the floor.
Two hours later I found myself in Allen's arms crying. It's complicated and i will always care about him but we would have never worked. We wanted different things. Regardless, when I lifted my face off of his chest his lips were on my own and I pulled away shocked that he actually kissed me. He stated that he was sorry but he couldn't help it while looking so adorable and when he had to catch his ride he kissed me again and this time I kissed him back.
After he leaves I dodge for the nearest bathroom in shock. I sit in the first stall I can open and start crying again! Do I still love him? What does this mean? What am I doing? These are all the questions swirling around in my head until the next day when I am actually encouraged by my friends and his own texts saying how much he missed me to hook up with my ex.
We would talk every day and sneak around meeting each other only to fool around at late hours of the night until we finally found ourselves on the beach having sex. Because I knew I loved him, but wasn't in love with him anymore, I was able to do this. I have no regrets about my Nicholas Sparks summer and while we don't talk, he has a girlfriend now, I am happy that I can close that chapter in my life, appreciate the amazing memories I have with Allen, and move onto the next great love of my life.
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About the Author
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- From: CarlyPaige
- About Me: Currently I am a college student studying English and Education. A true monogamist, I have only had 2 serious boyfriends but have been single for 2 years. The dating scene in college is complicated to say the least and here I will share with you my experiences, my friends experiences, both past and present as an example of what to do when confronted with awkwardness, confusion and love.
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Comments (51)
No one cares.
The above was rather rude, wasn't it?
Despite the common letters, I've found ex and sex don't fit well together. Regardless, that story seems like the next teen romance flick in the making. And they lived happily ever after?
I'd have sex with my ex in a heartbeat if he came to me and we were both single. I'm not gonna lie.
I know the first comment was kind of harsh, but it is relevant. What was the point of this? Ten of your eleven paragraphs are unrelated to your title, and are merely a story. There are no questions, nothing relates the two themes, and I could not work out what you were going for.
What did you want from this? A well done? Advice? Abuse? Debate? How was this in anyway an article? I would love to know, from anyone. what the point of this was. Or is it just a story with no point? If it is, then save it for your wall where people who care about you (no offence but I don't know you so I don't care) can comment rather than putting it out into the public arena...
i'm a little disgusted by the first paragraph.
sorry to be mean..
but you can save that for your personal blogs, yeah?
I agree that this was just a story and there were no questions, nothing to get the audience to react or feel like sharing their own stories in the comments.
@SpOnTaNeOuS_sPiTbAlL@xanga - I disagree with you here... I don't think the first paragraph was in any way vulgar and if people can post on here about asking people's number of sex partners, or post about being disgusted after willingly going to a strip club (lulzzzz) then I think people should also be able to post vague details about hooking up with an ex.
Also from this comment it just makes me feel like you're the type of person who never talks about sex with your friends? That makes me sad for you.After all, if she had just said "I hooked up with my ex after we had never had sex while we were dating." that would be super boring.
rofl, people like to get all indignant and self-righteous for no reason.
People can put up what they want. Sweet stories come through all the time that don't try to ask some grand question about the intricacies of dating. Personally, it was a nice read for me. Maybe it wasn't for you, and that's fine.
But if you don't like it, don't read it. No need to get your panties in a knot...
Nicely written!
If the Jones beach sex happened last year, I was totally at that Paramore concert! Hahaha
PARAMOREEEEEEEEEE <3
@thisiswhereItellyoueverything@xanga - i assure you i have no problems talking about sex.
this is disgusting. i'd go buy a nora roberts novel if i wanted to read that bs.
and i'm just as mean to the dumbasses that post about that stuff as well.
i have no interest in reading about people straddling other people's cocks.
@SpOnTaNeOuS_sPiTbAlL@xanga - She didn't say anything about straddling cocks...you just did. You attack her for being vulgar when she's trying to express in a sweet and non-descriptive way the sex she had, and your response is basically "ALL SEX IS PRON." Give me a break. Who's being disgusting? You are.
sorry my phrasing doesn't appeal to you
"it's nice, sweet and as my legs wrap around his body as I'm on top "
but that's what that says.
and i honestly don't give two fucks about what you have to say :)
so you can keep posting.
but my opinion isn't going to change.
Wow, what's with all the haters? Blogging doesn't always have to be about a subject for discussion!
I really enjoyed this post; it was very sweet and your writing is engaging. Wish I could have a summer fling like this! Preferably not with my ex though. :P
I enjoyed your story :)
wahh, you had sex on the beach. i want to do that.
how come you can do this without feeling any attachment or sadness when you 2 parted? you did love him, but not in love with him.. So you knew there was someone else better for you?
it sounded like a cute puppylove story though..
It was just a story...I guess some people were looking to give some advice and show how smart and helpful they are.
And the opening paragraph was not graphic...good grief. I've seen much worse here.
Ignore the haters. This was really well written! I guess having sex with an ex just brings up old emotions - I've been there and even though you probably weren't still in love with him, there were probably feelings there and one night of sex is just going to stir it up. It's not necessarily a bad thing, though :)
I always wondered how people can want to do anything intimate with their exes. I have decent relationships with most of mine and I still wouldn't want to do anything with them if the chance came up.
@katberg@xanga - Why Not EX ? Don forget one day you had few cruel intentions with him and having sex was one of them .... So why not ex again !
@veby@xanga - He has a new girlfriend now. Plus, after the way things ended between him and me, all those romantic feelings have diminished.
might be !!!!!! but that for sure that the guy owned a rent free space in your heart which could never be spitted ,irrespective all the fact !!!!!!
Sex on the beach can be devastatingly sandy.
@spring_rings@xanga - I did actually have some attachments when we parted but i kept those to myself because we both go to different schools. A friend actually asked me if I would do it again and honestly I feel like it was something I wanted to do then because we never had sex but now there would be no point. He has a girlfriend now and even if they breakup I wouldn't want to get my emotions mixed up.