I'll admit it: I love watching
The Bachelor and
The Bachelorette. I don't broadcast this fact to my friends, but I'll own up to it here. There's something about knowing that I am not above trashy reality TV that is strangely liberating.
I'm also hooked because, for the first time since I started watching this franchise when I was 18, I have now actually caught up to the contestants, age-wise. They are no longer "grown-ups" looking for marriage. They are, quite literally (and sadly), people in the exact same shoes as me: Single, twentysomething, and still figuring out if that love thing is all it's cracked up to be.
Bachelorette Ashley with Bentley -- the scum of this earthSo this week, when I witnessed Ashley Hebert, the Bachelorette, get played by the biggest jerk the show has ever had, I was enraged. Like much of America, I couldn't understand how any guy could be so viciously heartless: saying behind her back that he'd rather swim in a pool of pee than plan a wedding with her, while all along, resuming the role of comforter and Prince Charming in front of her eyes. (I also felt sickened that ABC would let the charade go on just for ratings...PR dept: you've got your work cut out for you.) Whether Bentley's actions were staged or not, I believe that Ashley's heart-wrenching sobs when he left the show were 100% real. No woman should ever have to shed tears for a douchebag like that.
Ashley's situation was relatable on so many levels. The obvious one is what she said herself in an interview: All women, perhaps at some point or another, feel like they've been played or used. Guys who make you feel a glimmer of hope and then turn out to be huge disappointments are sort of what's expected to any girl who has dated or been in relationships.
It's almost like they take guys aside in school and show them how to B.S. to a girl.But I also related to Ashley on her mistaken "gut instinct." She really followed her heart and fell for Bentley, despite the warnings she received about him. And while some people criticize her for that, I know all too well what it's like to "see only what you want to see." Society often tells you to "follow your gut," and that feeling is never stronger when it comes to issues of romance. I don't blame her for being "blind." You want so much to believe that you've found the right person that you ignore all the signs that tell you otherwise.
Lastly, I related to Ashley because she's juggled the dilemma that every driven young woman must face: open my heart or protect myself by burrowing into the professional/academic life I've already built? Ashley's a dental student at UPenn, and last season when she was a contestant on
The Bachelor, she blew her chances with Brad Womack very much because of her own insecurities. She was afraid of giving up the life she'd created for herself and taking a risk for love, and in many ways, she overcompensated for it this season by being too trusting and forgiving.
I've been there too -- after years of letting school/career take priority, I'm now more ready than I've ever been to take that leap of faith when it comes to relationships. But with that willingness comes the tendency to jump into fires, and sometimes they can feel twice as heartbreaking because you came in with such sincere intentions.
I'm learning, along with Ashley, to read signs better and balance those extremes.
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Comments (21)
i know how that feels too. :[
I love this show!! I wasn't really surprised by what happened with Bentley, but I was EXTREMELY surprised by what William said at the roast about wishing Ashley had been Emily instead. Who says that kind of stuff? I'm surprised she gave him a rose too :( I also wonder if she'll ever find out the real reason why Bentley left since he fed her a bunch of lies about missing his daughter
this post was needed.
i'm in that situation right now: go with my gut?
first season watching the bachelorette, after my first season of the bachelor. It's so fun to watch with other people, no lie.
"Society often tells you to "follow your gut," and that feeling is never stronger when it comes to issues of romance."
Yeah, I think this is very true. And maybe if there was less of this people would be a little more realistic when it comes to romance, personal finance, jobs, etc.
I can't wait to see what she has to say to him at the final show when everyone's back together.
And I'm really glad she gave William a second chance. But, if he does something like this again, I hope she has the heart to let him go.
Following your gut can be deceiving. It tends to only look at what you can see, and not what's really going on. I made that mistake with my first boyfriend. Half of me wants to say I only dated him because a lot of people told me that it would do him a world of good to be in a relationship with a good Christian girl. So I followed my gut, thinking that I could change him. Well, I was the wrong Christian girl for that. I was week in my faith and instead of influencing him, he influenced me (not for the good). I had to break up with him in order to salvage my relationships with family and friends and God. It was heartbreaking for me and him. But after I thought about it, what he did, how he treated me. I realized quickly that I did the right thing to let him go.
this post was needed.
I think the issue here is that Ashley going with her "gut" just means Ashley being superficial. She mentioned before meeting Bentley that she hopes he's not gorgeous. Its easy to tell she is immediately smitten by his looks and decides to give him the benefit of the doubt.....because he's good looking (or at least she considers him good looking).
Its also ridiculous how hard she's fallen for Bentley......after what? A few hours of group time and 30 minutes of alone time? And what about Bentley's personality was so great? He doesn't say anything funny or interesting...he just looks at her and she turns into putty. Then to say she feels more hurt over Bentley leaving than when dumped by Brad? That doesn't show how deep her love for Bentley is...but more likely how shallow her feelings generally are.
I also found it odd that she found it so difficult to believe that Bentley may have just played her. I understand that any girl can potentially get played. But Ashley gets a warning that Bentley is going to play her......AND even specifically is told that his plan is to leave after a couple weeks. He does EXACTLY that...and then she still thinks he's being sincere? Basically the host guy had to knock some sense into her. That if he did actually like her, he would at least have attempted some way to resolve his issue while staying on the show.
I also think keeping Bizarro-Zoro around as long as she did is an argument that she isn't superficial. I think it is the exact opposite. Zoro displayed absolutely zero personality. Luckily Ashley's education prepared her to withstand Zoro's long and boring lectures about looking beyond appearance. I understand talking about it the first time....but that's literally all he could talk about. *snore*. Talking about being deep doesn't make you deep. The guy had zero personality, and for that he should have been eliminated Week 1. BUT, I would have bet he wouldn't have. Why? Because Ashley first needs to see what he looks like! She wasn't impressed with his personality....she was curious if Johnny Depp's better looking younger brother was going to reveal himself. Upon taking off his mask, she commented that he looked "older". Wasn't Brad like 40? The second he took off that mask, his fate was sealed.
Judging from last season and this season, Ashley displays the immaturity and insecurity of a 14 year old girl. I'm just curious how long she is going to keep that chef around. She thinks he's gorgeous....but he has less personality than a Chia-pet.
I stopped watching after trista and ryan years ago. I think the bachelorette is desperate because their biological clock or timeline is ticking while some guys like him just go on the show for fun or to be chosen as the next bachelor, so he can be a celebrity or get to makeout with lots of women.
At first, I kinda thought that Ashley just really fell for his looks. But when she said how she sees him in the end of the show and how she really cried so much, well I'm not so sure that because of his looks Ashley started dreaming up this Prince Charming Bentley to be (like she exaggerated him in her head because I did that, too before).
This just makes me really scared more to take that leap.
Reminds me of a discussion on my Feminism Media Literacy class:
Guys are taught to be players and pimps, while women are encouraged to fall in love and follow their heart.
Insecure women (and men) make bad romantic decisions. You can't make a good decision when you're motivated by fear!
Also, remember the one Bachelorette (or maybe she was a contestant on the Bachelor) who dated a guy who had a domestic abuse record (or something along those lines?)
I've never watched the show. I think anyone who would entrust their love life to a game show is asking for trouble. Still, you're right: the real world's not any better for the most part. I don't really have anything to say except to trust God. I have a wonderful wife because of that alone. No strategy can ever really protect you and get you what you want.
Don't watch, but he even looks like a douche in that first photo.
Why wouldn't ABC do all that stuff for ratings? Look at TLC...I'm not surprised at anything networks do to get viewers.
I feel so much the same way here! I have guy friends who sometimes say things like "I don't know what I ever did wrong for her to hate me..." but they don't seem to understand that many of us have had THIS encounter happen. You start falling for someone and really feel like they are amazing and special and that everything could work out. Sure, you imagine your life around these people in the long run and hope that you're right. Maybe it's not right. Maybe it's not perfect, but dreaming about love is what we do.
Bently seemed caring, compassionate, and considerate. Those are not traits found easily in most men. Hell, I have to train my own boyfriend on the last two. But to have some sort of emotional connection feels amazing. Though she does need to find a middle ground. A place where she can be safe, yet let some of herself out there.
And in the mean time, I think we should head down to Salt Lake City, Utah and teach someone a thing or two about how to treat women.
Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse and that's a lot of what that felt like right there.
:(
We definitely see only what we want to see. :(
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@vincenthunting@xanga - Exactly everything I was going to say. With the exception of "the Mask". I don't think she kept him around, I think the show wanted to keep him until he took his mask off. It wasn't hard to get an idea of what he looks like - you could see his mouth, the shape of his nose, and his eyes.
I was so boggled by how Bentley would say something like "Oh... yeah.. heh." and Ashley would just swoon. I think the producers of the show pushed her to fall for him, because they knew that it would lead to drama. There are other good looking guys with way better personalities on the show. It just feels so convenient that the one guy who is a major D-bag is the one guy that Ashley falls for in,what , 2 weeks?
That guy is... odd-looking.
It's almost like they take guys aside in school and show them
how to B.S. to a girl. The sad part is that they actually do do this in fraternities... stay away from fraternal men ladies!
I don't watch the Bachelor or the Bachelorette for a few reasons.
Reason 1: It's got to be scripted. Real love doesn't happen that way in front of cameras like that. They're playing to an audience.
Reason 2: OOOh, well and good that you're only with him/ her right now. What happens when you go back to work/ family/ real world problems? When it's not just rainbows & butterflies & i love you's?
Reason 3: This guy/ girl does not live in the mansion that is shown. What happens if, when you leave, you go back to a trailer, or a normal house, or his parent's basement?
Reason 4: Hasn't that one guy been on the bachelor 3 times now? Suck it up, find your own woman without the aid of reality television, and maybe she'll stay with you.