Tuesday, 07 June 2011
-
Friends You Make Out With
The morning after a sloppy night of celebrating Cinco De Mayo I found myself sitting in the school's cafeteria reading for my class starting in 15 minutes. My friend, lets call him Nate, sat down in the chair across from my own and I just looked at him shaking my head laughing while a big grin spread across his own face. A few moments later my friend Mandy came over to my seat and asked how last night was. Nate and I exchanged glances while she asked if I had hooked up with anyone. I point to Nate and proudly Nate raises his hand as my face turns a bright shade of pink. "What? It's no big deal! Making out's like an activity you do!" He was right and it definitely was my activity last night.Two semesters prior we actually dated, if you count a night at the movies, sharing Chinese in the library along with hooking up in various clubs. Due to the fact that we were looking for two different things, I actually wanted to stay single before the summer, it just didn't work out. We moved past the awkwardness and drama that most people go through after these sorts of dating mishaps and became close friends. So you could say that making out with him at a sorority party this past semester could have led to a much more awkward morning. But it didn't.
I actually had a major crush on another guy, we can call him Evan, and sought advice from Nate about what i should do about a random kiss Evan gave me. I thought it meant something whereas Nate thought differently. "A kiss means nothing, I'll show you how little it means the next time I see you." Being a fool for love and someone who hardly goes around kissing guys just because I feel like it, still thought that a kiss from someone you like meant more, or at least it should.
But on a night like Cinco De Mayo I had my fair share of Tequila and found myself dancing with Nate. Because I am extremely comfortable around him I found my face close to his as he whispered in my ear, "Remember what i said about a kiss meaning nothing?..." and just like that my face was attached to his as we sloppily danced to Enrique Inglesias' "Tonight I'm Loving You".
After our episode on the dance floor we ended up sitting next to each other on the bus ride back to campus. I remember him kissing my forehead and asking me to sleepover, stating that we wouldn't have to do anything, lets just cuddle. But I declined stating that I had to sleep in my own bed and we parted going our separate ways. But I couldn't help but think that his feelings ran deeper than my own as I know I'm not just a girl to make out with but a friend he has respect for.
While I can laugh and say Nate is a friend I make out with on occasion I don't think it's fair to say our feelings were mutual. His advice for me in relation to my crush on Evan could have been warped so that he could gain the advantage with me, but I'll never be sure. I just know that while a kiss may mean nothing to one person, it could hold a much deeper meaning to the other. All in all I had a fun night, meaningful or meaningless, with my friend Nate.
Have you ever had a friend like this? Did it develop into a friends with benefits situation? Would you recommend having a friend that you make out with?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: CarlyPaige
- About Me: Currently I am a college student studying English and Education. A true monogamist, I have only had 2 serious boyfriends but have been single for 2 years. The dating scene in college is complicated to say the least and here I will share with you my experiences, my friends experiences, both past and present as an example of what to do when confronted with awkwardness, confusion and love.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 70 Views: 0 329110 Comments: 0 3109 View all posts by CarlyPaige
Comments (22)
don't feelings always get in the way?
It's not a big deal.
So what happened with Nate? And Evan?? Don't cliff-hanger on me.
Kisses can mean nothing, and they can mean everything. And sometimes it's almost impossible to tell which are which.
yes I have...it sucks when they dont return your feelings. apparently I'm just a play thing to pass the time with
I think you're reading too much into it, but we have different views on this. I know I can hook up with certain guy friends, sleep over/cuddle/do more/whatever and know that in the morning, we're still going to be friends and friends only in the morning. I've done that, and we're still relatively good friends. It's not a big deal for me if I know that I don't want anymore from them.. if they want more from me, that's when I'd sit them down and explain how I feel.
but if you just let kisses mean nothing what do you do when you want it to mean something?
i don't think i've ever had a friend i just kissed.
no and i don't plan to. i guess there is nothing wrong with it if you already tell yourself not to get attached.
@wyrdkismet@xanga - Feelings don't always develop. I have a friend that I make out with sometimes, and although I like him a lot, I know that we would never be compatible as a couple. There are some people that you are just attracted to, although not on an intellectual or emotional level.
I only kiss those I love and those I plan to stay true with. Though I have one friend that did more than kisses to one guy while being in a complicated relationship. Eventually, when the boyfriend found out, she felt terribly sorry for him and promised it wouldn't happen again. It only happened once, but enough to make him either take advantage from it or to revenge: he cheated on her too and played with her mental. I can't believe they're still together, but they should be done soon I hope.
@jacigurl88@xanga - that's what I was thinking too.
So wait... are you using "hooking up" here like normal people mean "hooking up"? Because hooking up is not making out. And if you're hooking up in parties and clubs, I think you might have bigger problems than meaningless or meaningful kisses with friends.
Kissing doesn't mean anything. Okay, sometimes kissing does mean something.... but in this case... it doesn't.
I don't mean to be rude..... but I will be blunt. "Nate" just wanted to sleep with you. I don't think he is a bad guy at all, but he was hoping you two would sleep together. Kissing for guys doesn't have to connect with an emotion. However, it does open the door to the question, "Can I get her to sleep with me?"
"Nate" may have feelings for you. He may not want you to be with "Evan" and is trying to advert your attention... but guys really aren't that complicated with their feelings. Unlike girls, guys don't go hatching complex messing-with-your-mind schemes to pull you away from another guy. I am sure there are a few guys that do this.... but it will save you a headache to not put every move "Nate" makes under a microscope.
Think of it this way: "Nate" knows that you want to be single.... what he doesn't know is if you are willing to sleep with him or not. He knows if you are going to be sleeping with anyone... he wants it to be him and he knows he potentially has competition with "Evan". He also knows that if you are sleeping with one guy, you won't be sleeping with another. So... he is trying to see if he can be that one guy.
i make out with friends all the time for fun
no biggie
unless someone specifies it means more, it doesn't have to.
Kisses are catch-22's. They can mean nothing yet mean everything to someone else. I've definitely made out with some of my friends at one point or another and in those instances, the kisses meant nothing. However, if you have a hard time keeping your emotions separate from just a good time, I'd recommend you refrain from the whole "friends with benefits" ordeal.
This is how it worked for me...when I was single I went through a "make-out" phase. Basically I saw kissing as an alternate form of conversation...and therefore, ended up kissing quite a few people during my "crazy" summer. I kissed ex boyfriends, coworkers, friends, guys I liked...you get the picture. There were a lot of meaningless kisses but eventually things got complicated. What I do notice now is that I am better friends with guys, who in the past nothing sexual ever happened between us. All the guys I made out with...well either turned into more than friends, got mad and stopped talking to me because it didn't turn into anything more, or moved on to the next girl and we lost touch.
So looking at Nate and having a friends with benefit situation...you have to ask yourself if you do this there is a chance that you might develop feelings so are you willing to risk losing a friend or ending up hurt? If you really just want to keep him as a friend then I wouldn't kiss him anymore. Because when you need advice or a shoulder to cry on...do you really want to be worried about him just trying to get in your pants? It works best if you keep your friends with benefits and just your friends seperate.
no and i never would put myself in that type of a situation. fwb = not for me.
Yes i had one before..it didnt last long though and it wasn't nice at all. So i will never do it again
Never did this O.o only kissed guys I was involved romantically and in a relationship with.
"....Because I am extremely comfortable around him I found my face close to his as he whispered in my ear, "Remember what i said about a kiss meaning nothing?..." and just like that my face was attached to his as we sloppily danced to Enrique Inglesias' "Tonight I'm Loving You"."
LOL
I did this. . . twice. First time turned out ok, we had some issues to figure out but we are now really close friends. The second guy . . . well he avoided me until I got a boyfriend. Now he can't seem to leave me alone :/
I wouldn't suggest it, from personal experience. My experience with the first guy is exceptionally rare, I would have been lucky to have stayed friends with him let alone have him become one of my best friends. You may think you can handle it, but you can only go so long before problems start. . . besides if you have such a relationship with someone it may prevent you from finding someone who you can have an actual connection with.