Tuesday, 07 June 2011

• In Defense of Being Loved

  

  I've been thinking about the age-old question that has been addressed recently in another Datingish post: is it better to love or to be loved?

  Now, if I had gotten to the question first, I would have likely drawn the same conclusion: it's always better to love, despite the requisite agony.

  But since the case that I am naturally inclined to make has been made already, I feel compelled to play a little devil's advocate and offer an addendum to the argument in defense of being loved. So, here we go.

  A SECOND LOOK AT LOVING

  While loving is undeniably glorious, there are all kinds of negative side effects that no one tells you about. Observe:

  Exhibit A: Loving consumes all the viable space in your brain that might otherwise be used for productive thinking and fills it with thoughts and wonderings about your beloved.

  Exhibit B: Loving consumes all your available time and energy that might otherwise be used for productive endeavors and funnels it into hours of lounging about in a hazy delirium that passes so quickly, somehow, as to be remembered later in a very blurry way.

  Exhibit C: Loving prevents you from investing in other relationships as you increasingly spend time with your beloved, and can render the time you do spend with others totally un-enjoyable for them, as he or she increasingly becomes the only thing you are capable of talking about (an unfortunate corollary to Exhibits A and B).

  Exhibit D: Loving can stretch a single day of separation into a treacherous desert of solitude, plagued by insufferable dry-mouth and a feeling of general hopelessness. Everything is flavorless and life suddenly lacks meaning.

  Exhibit E: Loving can propel you to do and say things you never thought you would watch yourself do or say, things that a normal person or a younger you would never dream of doing or saying; things that are potentially contradictory, embarrassing, incriminating, illogical, and/or against the laws of man and nature.

  Exhibit F: Loving consumes you with worry: both for the sake of another being that is subject to the whim of a capricious world, and also for the possibility that this other being will stop wanting you to love them.

  Exhibit G: Loving can make you suppress your ugly parts out of the second type of worry in Exhibit F. Your beloved might never know the real you because you are always busy trying to make the real you more attractive.

  Exhibit H: Loving is a balm that feels really good, which affects our awareness of the world around us. It drowns the tensions that propel action in a sea of sloppy pleasure. Rose-colored glasses and all. Opiate of the people and such.

  Exhibit I: Loving can prevent artistic reception and expression, which is usually borne of pain.

  Exhibits J-Z: Loving (often, but not always) leads to heartbreak. (Which potentially nullifies Exhibit I.)

  IN DEFENSE OF BEING LOVED

  While simply being loved can be lonely, there are substantial benefits that often go un-mentioned. Observe:

  Exhibit A: Being loved frees your brain, time, and energy for other purposes (creative thought, ambitious pursuit, friendship-grooming, self-improvement, aimless wandering and general tom-foolery).

  Exhibit B: Being loved makes you feel safe, sexy and valued.

  Exhibit C: Being loved does not entail agonizing worry.

  Exhibit D: Being loved ensures you have a partner in crime for any adventure of which you might conceive.

  Exhibit E: Being loved ensures you have an unswerving ally if and when times get tough. 

  Exhibit F: Being loved allows you to be yourself in all your relative ugliness, without the same fear of repercussion and loss.

  Exhibits G-Z: Being loved rarely results in heartbreak.

  Alors. What do you think? If you were to play devil's advocate for yourself, what would you say about loving versus being loved?

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