Sunday, 05 June 2011
Am I fat? Am I ugly? Am I stupid? Am I hated? Am I a failure? Am I a loser? Questions. Questions we ask ourselves, questions others make us think about. The kind you ask yourself as you stare in your bathroom mirror, wondering if what they say is true; wondering if what you're thinking about yourself right now is the truth. You'll try and push your stomach in, you'll try and hide your spots, hide the wrinkles that you think you see. You will do all this and pretend; pretend to be different, pretend that this person you're imagining is who you should be; is a person better than who you are right now.
Before you know it, you're looking at those around you, wishing you were them. As you walk the halls of your school, as you walk down the nearby street. You'll convince yourself that they have everything and that you have nothing; you want their smile, their body, their hair, their face, because to you, they are better, they are something you could never be, they're beautiful and you're nothing. You'll try and be them, whoever they are, maybe you'll see them in a movie, maybe a magazine, across the road. You don't know them, you don't know what they are going through, but you convince yourself that they have everything and you have nothing.
You'll change your body, change your smile, change your clothes, change your friends, knowing that you will soon be who you're supposed to be, knowing and believing, that this is the right thing to do; and one day, you'll proudly walk to that same bathroom mirror and look back at what you've become, who you are sure you're meant to be. A stranger stares back at you; the child that dreamt of reaching the stars has faded, the one who laughed with friends until your lungs ached just for the hell of it; they've gone. The person who held their loved ones close when things got tough, knowing they were not alone has all but vanished; and the shine in the eyes of someone who had so much to believe in and so much to give is nowhere to be found.
The desire to change is great and sometimes, it's almost impossible to resist. You'll change your style, try and change how you feel, to please others and sometimes, we can't help ourselves. But with everything, there is always a line that you must draw. Sometimes, the scariest thing in the world, is to love yourself; to believe enough in who you are to stand tall and proud and tell the world, 'hey, this is who I am, warts and all'. You fear rejection, you fear being mocked, you fear being alone and you are so sure that someone else, someone other than you could handle it better; when you know what the truth is?
Everyone hurts. Everyone wishes to be something else once in a while, everyone loses their way and everyone has the courage and the strength to find themselves again. So sing until your throat aches, dance until your legs start to give way and live your life as nothing but who you always were. Pain, suffering, hurt, they always come and that will never change, but if you can believe in who you are, if you can trust yourself to never stray from your dreams, then there will always be a light at the seemingly endless tunnel.
So if you ever feel lost or lose faith in yourself, remember these words.
If you are true.
If you are strong.
If you always believe.
Then YOU are beautiful.