Friday, 03 June 2011
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My, My...Don't You Look Impressive! Advice for Men
So based on the title, I'm sure you've guessed that this blog will be about the possible impact our appearance, well more specifically our attire, has in the eyes of our dates.
To begin, I must mention that I understand that our general appearance and what we wear is an entirely personal choice. Point being, what we find as an acceptable way of dressing, is based on our own lifestyle, so therefore everyone will have different standards and views in that aspect. If you're really bohemian and carefree, maybe you wouldn't have much of an issue with how and in what your date decides to show up in, but if you're a bit more into personal grooming and such, like I personally am, you'd probably appreciate someone who is more conscious of what they wear.
To me, a well put together guy is appealing in many aspects. Sure, it's visually appealing, but it's not just that. Taking the time to put on an ironed polo or spray on some cologne tells me that you care about your appearance and how you present yourself to the world. More importantly, it tells me you aim to make a good impression and that's well...impressive.
I feel as if many guys are constantly on the lookout against girls who might be attracted to them for the wrong reasons--whether it's because they have a nice expensive car, a lucrative career, social connections, or whatever else may have you. As a result, if a guy feels he's being scrutinized based on an extrinsic quality, such as his style (or lack thereof), he might become annoyed and even offended. Guys want a girl to like them for them, as they are, regardless of what they have and whether they're wearing the latest trends or not.The truth is we DO like you as you are--on the inside. It's simply that the outside may need some refurbishing sometimes. Do women know that a guy's wadrobe choices have very little correlation with how charming or amiable he can be? Of course. But on a date, could we end up being distracted, disappointed, and/or dismayed by the fact that we took an hour to get ready while you look as if you rolled out of bed and decided to wear a raggedy 10 year old sweatshirt and formerly white sneakers? (True story.) Quite possibly.
What you choose to wear on a date, however, is largely situational or at least that's the way it should be. If you're on a date at the zoo or at an amusement park, obviously your attire should be way less formal than if you were going to a trendy restaurant. My problem herein lies with the people who shamelessly choose to wear the same causal type of attire to both the zoo AND that trendy restaurant.If the occasion merits it, being causal is fine. However, appearing sloppy or as if you threw on whatever happened to be laying around--umm not so much. I'm not asking my date to show up like he's a guest at the royal wedding, but I do want him to look presentable, neat, clean, and occasion/place-appropriate.
My take on this situation is this: If you like somebody and you decided to go out with them, why not try and put your best foot forward? What are your views on this subject?
I like to use this simple metaphor: If every person is a gift, their appearance is the wrapping. Sure the "gift" is what matters, but since as far as I know, none of us have X-Ray vision, we can't immediately tell what's on the inside, so all we have to go on initially is what we see. I don't know about you, but if I saw 2 gifts and one gift was intricately wrapped with a cute bow on top while the other one was haphazardly wrapped using newspaper and masking tape, I think I would probably be more inclined towards the former.C'mon guys!...is it really that much more trouble to throw on a simple button down as opposed to your funny albeit not exactly first-date-appropriate "I'm not a gynecologist, but I'll take a look at it" shirt? (Another true story.) I honestly feel that being slightly more cognizant of what you wear, especially on the first few dates, is a small effort that can go a long way.
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- From: Cassie
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Comments (26)
Totally agreed! I once had a date with a guy to see a classical orchestra, and he showed up in a white t-shirt and shorts, complete with running shoes. Of course I was dressed up in a nice blouse and skirt, heels and my hair done perfectly. Needless to say, I never had another date with him.
shh, don't write posts like this. i'll lose my edge. major lol at the gynecology t-shirt though.
quite true-dress for the occasion. I'll usually direct my attention towards the well dressed tall guys
like if I was in a crowded room and they were mostly casually dressed but one guy wore a dress shirt and had sexy hair, then he'd stand out and I'd notice him first. so he gets to be first in line. he may or may not have a better personality than the other casually dressed guys and they might even have cuter faces, but I was saying that he'll get my attention faster than the others.
At least you didn't say "Wear a suit." Datingish and Lovelyish have this major suit fetish where they keep constantly telling us to wear collars, ties, and jackets, and it's getting old.
@tokyoexpressman@xanga - Ditto that. I was prepared for the "suit rant" when I opened this.
I agree with this post, mainly because I think it is less about being impressive, but more showing you care by making an effort. Turning up in the shorts/white T suggest you could not give a shit about the date. Whereas some nice jeans, a stylish tee and a formal jacket suggest yes, I can be casual, but this is not a casual occasion, because I care about you. This shows not only you care, but also you aren't playing games or treat relationships in an immature fashion. Good post.
Even better by the fact you don't say "A man must wear a suit and tie to show he is not a boy". Which is like saying "A women must wear a formal knee length full-dress to show she is not a girl".
Nah, I dress the same way every single day and I'd prefer people accept that.
@TheGuyYouD0ntKnow@xanga -
well, there are different social occasions, and whether you like it or not, certain occasions have accepted norms. Like I said before, a classical concert is one of them. Most men dress in jacket and ties, and I've never seen anyone in the concert hall in shorts (and I go at least 10 times a year, so I'm not really stereotyping). So in cases, I can make one of two conclusions: either you don't care about impressing me on this fancy date, or you're so un-classy that you have no idea how to dress for a classical concert. Either scenario fails to impress me.I'm a hoodie and jeans girl normally, and I don't generally judge on what people wear. But you should acknowledge that at certain times, you do need to dress up.
agreed. i too have been distracted while on a date where i took time to look great and he... well looked... and smelled as if he just took the clothes from his dirty pile and wore it to our date. lol. kinda ruins it for me. especially the smell thing. some guys think their natural odor is fabulous but i beg to differ. add some axe or polo black... something! lol. though i have dated a guy or two whose natural smell was amazing. so manly... it helped that they were disgustingly attractive. but yes, dress for the occasion males! same for the ladies out there.
@boo - If you care so much about something as pathetic as clothing, that's exactly why I wouldn't be interested in you :) I'm not as interested in "impressing" people with clothing as I am with my actual being. "Social norms" are pointless; especially considering they change on a weekly basis.
I am defined by the fact that I dress the same every day. And everyone else is defined by that they care about "social norms". It's not that I don't care about impressing; it's that I like to do so by being myself. Not by sticking to social normality.
Conveniently enough, I'd love to go to a classical concert! Shouldn't that be a quality to notice as opposed to whether or not I want to wear a suit? Not many people these days care for classical music.
Well, I could wear my pilot uniform too, but I think that should be reserved for work only, lol!
@TheGuyYouD0ntKnow@xanga - I honestly think that you're missing the point here.
"boo" even directly stated that she typically wears hoodies and jeans, and that she doesn't really judge people by what they wear.
Sure, you can wear the same thing every single day. That's your thing. But she's making the point that there are just some occasions where you do need to change your outfit. Wearing certain outfits to certain events are not "social norms." If you're going to go to an upscale restaurant, a nice shirt, tie and slacks should be what you're wearing. If you're going to go to a wedding, you're going to also dress a little bit more formally. Don't tell me that you'd show up with a t-shirt and shorts to either of those things. And clothing norms for those have not changed for ages.
Are you saying that for a job interview, you're going to "be yourself" and not dress up formally? Unless your daily attire is a nice collared shirt and pants, then no interviewer will be impressed by you "being yourself" -- not even McDonalds.
@Asinine_Dreams@xanga - Oh would you people shut with "missing the point" crap? I'm not missing the point; you're just ignoring everything I said.
"Wearing certain outfits to certain events are not "social norms.""
No, they are. No matter what you say. What you wear doesn't change what or where you're at. The only reason you'd "need" to change your outfit is based on what people say you are supposed to do. If there wasn't that fact, it wouldn't matter.
"Don't tell me that you'd show up with a t-shirt and shorts to either of those things."
I would. In fact, I almost did. Or I'd just not go. If I did, and wore "proper" attire, it would be as per request. If someone asked me to wear a suit to their wedding I would be more than happy as it was simply something they wanted me to do. Quite frankly, I'd never go to an "upscale" restaurant because of things like this.
"And clothing norms for those have not changed for ages."
Not true at all. In fact, in some countries now they don't wear the same things. Typical suits are really mainly found in the more mainstream countries like the US. It's all relative.
Job interviews are different. If it's a required aspect, then fine. It's a minor concession. I'm not interested in impressing a "date" with fake-ness.
Anyway, I don't see what any of this had to do with the topic. The blog was about dating and the individual's opinion.
@TheGuyYouD0ntKnow@xanga - Actually, many of the classical performances require semi-formal attire, if you can be bothered to take the time to look through their website, which you should, if you've never been to one and if your first time going is for a date.
So you'd dress up for a job interview, but not for a date, which is technically an interview between you and your date? I get that you're a cool hipster, but I think I'd appreciate a boyfriend who cares about me more than getting a job at McDonald's :D Guess you're too much of a rebel for me. But I guess there might be some girls who appreciate your hip-ness. Me? Personally, I'd be embarrassed to death if my boyfriend showed up to a wedding in a t-shirt and jeans.
@boo - Did I say otherwise? Nope. I never said I wouldn't wear a suit; rather that the suit shouldn't be the noticeable aspect when attending such a thing. It should be the fact that you like it in the first place. In fact, I actually did know that! Don't assume things.
Are you kidding me? You're absurd. If you see a date as an interview then that's... completely insane. You're treating relationships like a business?Dressing differently for a job interview is essentially conning people. You want me to con you on a date? All right then.
I love your statement "but I think I'd appreciate a boyfriend who cares about me more than getting a job at McDonald's"HAH! So you're implying that dressing up in a way I normally don't is caring about you? No, like I said, I'd just be conning you. If you couldn't accept how I dress, who the hell do you care about?
Let's be clear: I never, ever stated that I WOULDN'T change my attire for specific things. I said that I wouldn't for a date(the actual topic of the blog, you know...), and if it were only my decision. I quote myself "If someone asked me to wear a suit to their wedding I would be more than happy".
If my girlfriend/wife or whatever wanted to go to a "classical concert", you don't think I would be happy to oblige? Sure, because I DO care. But dressing up because of normality is not what I do. I'd do it to make someone specific happy.Dressing differently on a first date is not the same thing. If I dress the same every day(which of course I do), then why would I try to con them the first date? They're just gonna find out soon enough.
Doing things different with someone you might start a relationship with is moronic. It's not "impressing" them, it's lying. No, I'm not gonna take a girl out to a fancy restaurant on a first date. That's not what I do, so I'm not gonna lie. I'd do it later on, and yeah, maybe wear a suit, if they wanted to. But just to make them happy.
And no, I'm not conceding that there are certain occasions where you NEED to change clothes. You don't. All I said is that I would do it to make one or two people happy. Not the mass. And if it were me by myself, I wouldn't.
"Hipster"? "Rebel"? HA! Well, this should teach you not to assume: I am the most rule abiding person you'll ever meet. I don't go against things for the sake of it, and I am clean cut and respectable. I do what I am asked and I do not disobey.I'm talking about comfort. I wear the same thing every day because I like it. I'm not gonna change that because of what people want me to do. That's not rebelling; that's doing what makes me happy when it doesn't matter. I'd expect my girlfriend/wife or whatever to do the same.
Because I do care.I've discovered that as long as a guy smells good, he could be wearing a dress for all I care.
@StatelessPilot@revelife - lol My cousin wheres his kilt for formal family parties...
It's funny because he is this really big guy with these pail and very hairy hairy legs. It's somewhat blinding! Then he tries to wrestle with us in it and we just get disturbed by the wind causing flashes.
Just thought I would share... I don't know to many guys who wear kilts... Maybe 3. They are pretty cool guys, mostly weirdo's but in a good way.
Regardless what the person is wearing as long as I see they put an effort in it I don't mind. I know and enjoy time spent with some pretty eccentric people so they often tend to dress a tad wild. Not necessarily out of place but enough to have you turn your head and think well that's a little different.
(Well when I was single.)
Now that I'm married I guess me and my hubby fit. I dress up more so then him though... He enjoys the semi casual look. I like everything. Depends on the mood and where we go. lol
@HollowTendencies@xanga - lol yes! something about a certain smell makes me wanna jump my husband! Same goes for when I was single and smelled a certain smell. I guess axe does have a point with their stupid commercials.
@MommyMarty22@xanga - Hahaha! Well, the true Scots will disown me for this, but I'm fully clothed underneath my kilt. I'm not that brave! LOL!
And that is funny and perhaps a bit awkward. My legs are just the opposite: I have an amazing tan on them and they're clean shaven, both are a result of my love affair with 70s style short shorts which I even wear during the winter (where I live, it's warm enough I can get away with it). Hey, I figure I've got toned, athletic looking legs, why shouldn't I wear them?
Pretty good metaphor.
i show up for coffee dates in Ermenegildo Zegna suit
@StatelessPilot@revelife - Yes I herd about the commando rule. However my Cousin is not Scottish. He is a Polish Mexican American. Good for you showing off your legs :)
The people I tend to go out with usually don't have the money to bring me anywhere that would require fancy trendy shit so I really don't care. I tend to be more attracted to people with a raw edge anyway. Like they don't have to smell bad and never shave but wearing something beyond semi-formal attire would just look ridiculous next to someone like me. I'm just some 22 yr old artsy kid. No need to try to impress me with your clothes. The personality however I am very picky with.
@TheGuyYouD0ntKnow@xanga - I've gotta agree with you there. If I am dating someone I don't want them to look like someone they're not. I am dating them, not the clothing. Cause at least if they come in smelling and "rolled out of the trashcan" look at least I know what to expect outside of dates and not be completely surprised. Job interviews are not the same as dates to me. Unless you're one of those women who uses dates to find "the one" and not just have fun until the right person happens to come along.
I myself enjoy dressing nice. I knew that girls liked a guy who can dress but I never thought that they really take it seriously. On a 2nd date I went on with a girl i'm talking to I wore a light blue polo and khaki shorts (it was HOT that day). I'm happy we're going on a 3rd date this month.