Friday, 03 June 2011
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Please Remove the Growth That Is My Husband!
AHHH! I am about to pull my hair out...literally. Have you ever been in a serious relationship or marriage where you go through phases when you drive each other completely insane? Because that is where I am at right now, and for what reason...I am not quite sure. Maybe we are spending too much time together. Lately, he is just getting under my last nerve.I work at an 8-4 job. We are away from each other all day. We don't talk online and rarely on the phone when I'm at work. Usually when I get home, he is happy to see me and I him...and then all of a sudden KABOOM! A bomb goes off. It could be an hour after I get home or in the middle of the night around 1 am, but it's going to happen. Like last night for instance. At around 11:00 pm, I wanted to go to bed, but he wanted to watch a movie in our bedroom. But not only did he want to watch a movie, he wanted to lay on the bed so that his legs and feet would be right where mine would be if I was laying down.
I told him, "Really, why do you have to sit like that?" and he said, "because I want to and I can." And it started. We bickered about me wanting to go to sleep and him not respecting that until 1:30 in the morning when he was done watching the movie. He then got up and went in the livingroom to watch TV.... Why couldn't he bring the movie in there? Because he wanted to aggravate me! Another thing...I hate it when he "tickles" me but it's really him digging his fingers into my sides driving pain through my ribs. I tell him not to be so rough, but to him he's being gentle...ahhhh! And he has this constant obsession with pinching the hell out of my nipples...man, do I hate that!
We recently moved closer to my family and friends. He hasn't really met anyone yet, so he basically is stuck at home a lot. I know the feeling of being trapped because for years I lived by his family in a town where I didn't have any friends. I watched him go out and do things with his friends while I stayed home with the kids, and when he wasn't going out he was having his friends come over to play PS3 and X-box and drink beer, which I learned to deal with and sometimes enjoyed.
But here on my turf, it's a different story. I have friends I can go out with...but God forbid I do because then he'll be stuck at the house alone. So it comes down to us being together all the time and him driving me crazy. I told him he can go do something, but he doesn't like doing things alone. Either I need to come up with a solution for him to find a way to release his pent up energy or he is going to annoy me to the point where I go crazy Mortal Kombat on him!
Any suggestions? What should I do to give him that push to go out and try to make friends? Any good ideas to get him to lay off in the mean time?
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About the Author
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- From: lemons_to_lemonade@xanga
- Name: lemons_to_lemonade
- Location: New Orleans, Louisiana, United States
- About Me: I say what I mean, and I mean what I say. I'm usually for the most part pretty honest. If you want to know something then ask, but don't get mad if you don't like the answer. Life is too short to go through it unhappy, and if you figure out how to do that please let me know. I'm sarcastic and sometimes upfront and rude, but every question deserves an answer. I'm tired of giving people what they want. I'm constantly searching for an answer when I'm not even quite sure what the question is. I firmly believe that if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. And I don't think I should be the one to have to change to make someone else happy. This is me, take it or leave it.
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Comments (49)
remind us again why you married this person?
@nimbusthedragon@xanga - lol i wish i knew...no j/k. he has a lot of good points but he is just one of those people where if he has extra energy he has to be annoying. maybe he will grow out of that...not my luck lol.
I think you should go out with your friends. If he never made the effort to make friends then you shouldn't feel obligated to stick with him. I've left my bf alone plenty of times when I've gone out. It never hurt him in the slightest.Usually you need the extra time to be alone or they do start to drive you crazy. I think you can't force him to go out and get friends if he is not putting the effort to. You really can't do much.
And it seems like he has little things that he does that annoy you. Same with my bf and I'm sure my bf feels the same with me. Just weird things we do. Lol Everyone has them.
I say you keep pushing him to make new friends so that you aren't the only one he spends time with. But don't be naggy; be encouraging. Tell him in simple words exactly how his behavior makes you feel and why it upsets you. Sometimes guys need to have it spelled out for them.
LOL. I've definitely been to that point. I think how to handle it differs by person. A good talk with the hubby wouldn't hurt. Just sit him down and give him a good heart to heart talking to and let him know how you feel. That's the best way to work through anything. Communication. Although, sometimes when I'm at that point I need some SPACE before I can be as civil as Id like to be. I can be moody and spacey at times. I encourage my S/O to spend time with friends. And during the weekends he usually does D&D with friends for SEVERAL hours. He picked that up when over seas. It gets him out of the house, and he gets to do something non work related. I don't always like going out. But when I do he always encourages it. I think it's important to do things with your S/O but I also think it's important to have some time alone and with your own separate friends. It's healthy :) I wish you the best of luck! I hope you guys find something that works for you guys and he doesn't drive you too crazy! But if you DO go mortal kombat on him be sure to record it and post it on Xanga :D.../Jk
Not to be cliché, but have you thought of marriage counseling? He drives you crazy, maybe you drive him crazy too. It would hurt for both of you to talk it out with a neutral third party.
Well, one big thing for me - My husband and I have no t.v. in the bedroom. When we first got married, we did, but I quickly changed that. Because of stuff like this. I'd want to watch something, or play a game, and he'd want to sleep, or vice versa. So now we have a strict "The bedroom is for sleep, and sex, that's it" rule. If one of us wants to stay up and watch something - go to the living room. And two, I don't know how you deal with snarky remarks like "Because I want to and I can." My husband would quickly be put in his place after a comment like that.
But the t.v. rule definitely helped our sex life, it's much more romantic. And there's more cuddling.
He needs to make friends.
If someone tried to deprive me of sleep like that, I'd go off. You do not mess with my sleep. What is he, nineteen?
Haha. You sound like me and my husband. I'm out going and like to do stuff. He would rather play Minecraft OR go out with ME (when he gets the urge to).
Honestly, I don't have a suggestion, but I think this is totally normal. I mean, you spend all of your free time with someone and they're BOUND to get on your nerves at some point. You both just to need to be understanding and be sure that your feelings don't get hurt when that happens.
It is my belief, anyway, that time spent away from your husband is just as important as time spent with. :)
>solution for him to find a way to release his pent up energy
Sheesh...you girls think too complicated when it comes to men.
put on something sexy, seduce him, let him fuck you silly, then go about your business - he'll be passed out
Keep him away from the energy drinks.
@aexanatomy@xanga - I like that idea of no TV in the bedroom... I'd like to convince my SO to agree with me but he'd say hell no
pahhh
I think that this is something that most if not all couples experience at some point. I know my husband and I go through spells like this sometimes. I don't really have any helpful suggestions for you, it's just something that kind of comes and goes.
It bothers me that it was ok for him to go out, but now it's not ok for you to do so. Double standard much?
Your husband is a dick.
and does not anyone see the comedic value in this entire paragraph - made me laugh:
I told him, "Really, why do you have to sit like that?" and he said,
"because I want to and I can." And it started. We bickered about me
wanting to go to sleep and him not respecting that until 1:30 in the
morning when he was done watching the movie. He then got up and went in
the livingroom to watch TV.... Why couldn't he bring the movie in there?
Because he wanted to aggravate me! Another thing...I hate it when he
"tickles" me but it's really him digging his fingers into my sides
driving pain through my ribs. I tell him not to be so rough, but to him
he's being gentle...ahhhh! And he has this constant obsession with pinching the hell out of my nipples...man, do I hate that!
My husband does that to me too, but after Ive had it. i end up talking to him about it and it helps (a little, but it helps). You should go out though, at least this way you wont be so frustrated and might be able to take his habits more calmly.
My boyfriend does the pinching thing too. It hurts. Telling him to stop doesn't work because he thinks it's "fun". Sooo I pinch his. No more pinching after that! LOL
Never been married, so feel free to dismiss my opinion!
I would say, get out of there? Go hang with your friends. If he doesn't like it, remind him he's your husband, not your dad. Introduce him to some of your guy friends. Ditch the TV in the bedroom (why do you need one, really?).
Oh and if he pinches your nipples, pinch his balls. That would make me stop.
Oh oh and if he tickles you roughly, roughly tickle his balls. That would make me stop.
Essentially do what you want, and if he argues with you, hurt his balls in a similar way to how he is annoying you. I really really mean't to give you serious advice, but TBH, I have no idea. I would suggest getting counselling if you really are serious about not knowing why your married to him. Your happiness, as always, comes first.
How about instead of "Really, why do you have to sit like that?" which is kiiiiind of nagging, just kindly ask him to move- and I mean actually kindly, not in an annoyed tone of voice. If he's determined to annoy you, it won't work of course, but maybe he was annoying you because he decided he didn't like the way you asked.
Maybe you can introduce him to some of your friends... Or possibly your friend's friends. Also, punch him in the face and say "I was being gentle!"
it is more comfortable to lay on the bed to watch t.v. than on the couch, because the bed is more bouncy
I've rarely watched tv in the living room. I often like to lay there on the bed like royalty while watching my movies
I also like to bring snacks and for some reason, food tastes a lot better while I'm sitting on my bed than in the living room couch or dining room table. I'll sit on my bed indian style while I eat snacks. I don't know how some people can tolerate sleeping in the same bed everyday with their s.o.. I hate it when he tugs at the blanket and take more than their share
then he might snore, which I can't stand. or when they roll around and disrupt me. I need complete silence and no other movement from another person to have uninterrupted peaceful sleep. if I ever move in with a s.o., there's going to be 3 beds, 1 for each person and 1 for sex, so sleep is separate. we'll cuddle during the weekends, but work days, separate beds for non-annoyed sleep
or just live separately
@lemons_to_lemonade@xanga - Honestly, this all sounds like.. real love. I'm sure you two are happier driving each other crazy rather then being single and bitching about finding someone.
Anyways, with respect to the question at hand, most problems can be solved by first sitting down and discussing it in a proper manner. You can tell him you need space and want to see your friends while not feeling guilty about leaving him alone, can't you?
Since it's your turf, find some married friends to go out with. My husband drives me nuts too, with the tickling and all that. The best times we have together are when we're with our couple friends. Sad but true. We both start acting right and somewhat communicating. Then, when we're back at home the same old annoying shit starts up again.
I hate marriage. Or maybe being married to a man. I don't know.
@xXDC_luyouXx - I have to disagree. I have never felt more lonely or misunderstood than when I've been with my spouse. he probly feels the same way. Being single would probly be much better.