There's something about goodbyes that make romances more beautiful. In a way, I'm afraid I will ever find a long-term romance that can even come close to the feelings in one that is terminal. I've become used to 'non-permanence', and have moved at least once a year for the past six years. This means I always have to restart my life, with new friends and new romances. Probably about half of my relationships have ended because of the distance.
So because of my weak attachment to people and memories, when I meet someone important to my life, I try to take sticker photos with them that I can put in a memory scrapbook. It's like a collection of their souls, captured when we are closest to each other and at our happiest. I started it about two years ago, and I'm now gluing in the 119th page.
Over the past week, I went on a business trip to the middle of nowhere - which by coincidence, happened to be the same middle of nowhere as Josh (pseudonym) - my internet friend who has a sexy voice and a loving way of thinking, mentioned in this post. I had never taken Josh seriously, because I thought he was unrealistic, since he texted me frequently and always told me sweet things despite there being a very low chance we'd ever meet.
But that low chance was fulfilled, and when we met, Josh was an amazing person! We went to a park together and just sat there for hours, watching the people go by (and hiding from my coworkers on the trip - which was fun but so scary). He was a gentleman - he carried my heavy briefcase for me, wiped the rain off my shoes, and didn't let me pay for anything despite the recent money bind he was in.
After finishing the only piece of tourism in the town, Josh asked me what I wanted to do, and I shyly suggested, "let's take some sticker photos together." These days, it's sort of an obscure thing to do and usually guys detest it. But Josh quickly agreed and we went off on our search!
After fifteen minutes of searching around, we realized the main booth that was supposed to be by the station had been shut down due to unpopularity. I thought we would give up, but Josh felt really bad and apologized so much - he knew how important it was for me to have some token of our meeting. After shifting through his smartphone, he finally found a distant place and we went on a long walk in the rain to capture the memory of our day.
That night I let Josh stay at my hotel. He was extremely caring and sweet. He told me he loved me (I told him "What!! Too soon!" but it still made me happy), he wouldn't stop giving me sweet pecks on the cheek and wanted to fall asleep with our hands clasped together. I hate goodbyes - and so I didn't let him leave the hotel with me because I knew I would cry in the middle of the street.
Looking back, this is not the first romance that ended with a tearful permanent parting in my life - probably more like the fifth. The days with that person remain rosy, ideal, and allow you to forget things that usually matter in serious relationships (jobs, money, the future). My first romance was with a British tourist to my hometown over a ten-day period, and perhaps that painful but beautiful goodbye got me trapped in this pattern.
Thank you Josh and to all the men who give us girls dreams and hopes with the love that you pour on us. Looking at our smiling photos as I stick them into my book, I'm sad that our promise to meet again will probably fade into nothing. But I'm happy you've reminded me what love looks like again.
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Comments (6)
some people say the reason bruce lee is respected so much is that he died when he was young, before he had a chance to decline. people only ever got to see him in his prime. you see my point?
i read a story once by neil strauss of which your post reminds me. he met a girl that he liked a lot (maybe even loved) and that returned his feelings--but because of distance and other circumstances, they couldn't be together. they shared a piece of a chocolate bar the night they met...some time later, years after they had said their final good-bye, he pulled his piece out of his freezer, only to see that it had crumbled into pieces. he threw it out. "it will only attract bugs" i think was the line he used.
sometimes, letting go is best.
I'm amazed he didn't try and sleep with you. <3
@BlehhItsTu@xanga - Why did u get amazed over this ? Does getting into pants , really matter into true love ? What made you thinking so ?
@veby@xanga - Because it's a good sign. (:
@BlehhItsTu@xanga - How can just sleeping be a good sign at all !!! Does physically involvement really mandatory to prove love for someone ?????