Thursday, 02 June 2011
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Love Addict
I love my life... I have a great job, great family, amazing friends... but when I'm single I always feel like I'm missing something and half the time I will feel an unexplainable sadness. So sad, that sometimes I cry. My previous experiences and knowledge from taking a mental health class all state that the feelings of loss and depression are due to lack of social connection, so I can't really explain the source of my feelings.Honestly, being single is great. You're able to do whatever you want and not feel guilty. I'm not condoning having no self control and fooling around with as many guys as possible, though. I was thinking more like... people are born with two hands and two feet so when you are in a relationship you use one hand to do things for yourself and always another to do things for your partner.
I remember the happiest times in my life, were learning how to fish with the person I loved at the time. Although that love I have for that person is gone, I remember I hated fishing... but I did it, I learned how to fish and I even learned how to clean and prepare and cook fish for that one person.
Whatever that was made me feel something... whatever something is.
Has anyone else ever felt like this? Is this what they call being addicted to love?
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- From: reichael@healthkicker
- Name: Rei
- About Me: reichael.tumblr.com
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Comments (19)
I don't think you're addicted to love, I think you're afraid of being alone. I have a friend who's the exact same way, and just can't function when she's not in a relationship.
All in all, there's nothing wrong with wanting to share your life with that one special person. It's completely natural.
With regards to your article/post... I definitely know how you feel... but I don't think it's addiction to love. From my experience of it, it seems more like having the person there slowly blends into your routine until it becomes natural to you. And when you are deprived of this routine, your body/mind go... Ah crap... it's not there and we get sad.
@Kazydai@mancouch - I don't think it's afraid of being alone, as she said that she has amazing friends and i would be fairly certain on the fact that if they would have helped out it in some way to take her mind off things. However this might not necessarily be true, but this is just my assumptions.
I don't think you are addicted to love, it sounds more like your self-esteem or self-confidence is low, low enough that you are not comfortable with being by yourself. You need the constant connection whether it be emotional or physical to make yourself feel like your good enough. You just have to realize that you are good enough on your own, you don't need someone else to make you feel that way. I suggest finding some helpful articles or inspirational books that address this type of problem you are having.
No, that's not being addicted to love. That's just normal need for human intimacy. I think even the most independent single people still feel this way sometimes. It's natural to want to have someone to share with, to bond with.
Don't worry. Just wait to find that one person that will be your best friend and partner. You will. :)
I'm in the same boat! I fell in love (pretty hard) over a year ago, and while that romance has since ended for many months and I've moved past her, I still feel the need to love and be loved. The want of being able to light up when a certain person walks in the room
But there are a TON of things I need to do for myself (be healthy, get better social skills and do more stuff, get more into my studies) before I think I'll truly be ready to give that part of myself to a girl.
It's only normal to want to love though. Just don't get in over your head and throw yourselves at guys and I think you should be fine :)
@Mysteriousblogger - Having friends and having that special friend are two different things though, especially if all your friends have their special someone, and you still don't. Assuming that's something the person wants.
I know how you feel. I've been in a few serious relationships, and when they ended, I was relieved and felt so free being single. That feeling wore off pretty quickly, and I'd begin looking for someone else. I will say that it didn't always work out for me. A few times, I was so lonely that I settled for a guy who wasn't right for me (not bad guys, but just the wrong guys). You can either choose to be alone until you find the right person, or you can use trial and error, like I did. Either way will eventually work, but trial and error can lead to just as much hurt as being alone. Just realize how great your life is... there is nothing wrong with wanting to share it with someone, but you don't NEED someone for you to be happy.
Wow.. when I read the brief intro on the main page..my eyes bulged! With me it's just the sense of uncertanity (will I meet the one? when?) My friends say to enjoy being single but it's easier said than done. I've been accustomed to being in two serious relationship in the duration of 5 years. So in hindsight, I know that what I'm feeling is the lack of having that company and that I just have to say "no" to my natural inclinations of having someone there. I'll literally tell myself "good! feel alone". I learnt that it's from being alone is where you actually grow ,discover yourself and just become independent. I know I sound SUPER cheesey, but it's TRUE! I also miss the dates of going out. With the weather getting so much better I only wish I had a bf to go on the cruises available at our city and just the outings. Some stuff I have embraced to do on my own and I enjoy them now (such as hiking). But yes, it does get hard at times. You also miss that attention/affection that a guy would give you. Anyways sorry for the long comment just can relate with how you're feeling, but I like the solitude even though it can be a bummer at times.
@Kazydai@mancouch - I apologise, as I had put myself in the thought of friends and the special person being the same person as well... I mean i have friends, but the special someone happened to be my friend first.
To me, it looks like you search for happiness from external factors. Here's what I mean. You said you have an amazing life, then mentioned your job, family, and friends. This leads me to believe that these things are the reason you're happy, meaning you're looking for external validation to boost your esteem. And a committed relationship is pretty much the ultimate way to get this. It gives you a way to distract yourself and also gives you a person that constantly tells you that you're awesome. However, if you don't necessarily believe it yourself, then you're really going to miss that connection when it goes. Obviously you'd miss it anyway, but given the way you say you crave it, that's what I would guess.
I felt like you were describing me when you were talking about your symptoms of being a love addict. Although I've never been in a relationship, I've had plenty of crushes over the years. Having all these crushes would frustrate me. Why can't I just be content being single? Stop thinking about men. Stop. STOP. FOCUS on work. They'll do you no good and it'll only end in heart break, etc.
I have cravings to be loved by someone whenever I see couples at the perfect moment...sunset, sunny & breezy afternoons, restaurants. These cravings and series of crushes certainly do make me feel like I have a 'love addiction' as you coined it.
But when I think about the possibility of breaking up, feelings of jealousy, and possible drama that might go on, that's when I pick myself up from such misery. I want to believe now that being independent is sexy. Be beautiful not for anyone else but you. If you don't love yourself, how can you expect someone else to love you? Knowing the fact that girls who have never dated are such a rarity these days also pushes me even more to cherish my singleness and make sure whoever I give my heart to better be worth it--hence no rushing.
There should always be a better place for such Hollowness !!!!
I miss that happy feeling too. :(
thanks for all the wonderful comments everyone!! Unfortunately.. I don't think this article fully describes how I truly feel as it was altered from the original but your comments still made me reflect deeply or at least think.. since I either agreed or disagreed with them LOL.
@Kazydai@mancouch- you WERE right I did use to fear being alone :)
@Mysteriousblogger - you ARE right, I don't fear being alone, i really want to find that SOMEONE not just my current "everyones"..
@Amanda - Its not self esteem, but I do love to read self improvement books! Health, beauty, meditation, immunity, anti-aging, public speaking, current happenings and trivial questions.. etc. etc.
@StillNotaPrettyGirl - Thanks hun! Hahahaha.. umm yea I'm dating now.. so hopefully...
@Liquid_Pain_523 - !!! Thanks for your inquiry! For a long time I was thinking this too, However I'd like to ask you, if you had no friends, no family, no job, no money, no house would you be happy?
Also I'm not asking about being happy or not being happy but the sudden rush of sadness in result to the realization i am single.
@fukuoka_stars - yes! I agree, being independent is sexy!! That's why "men love bitches" I hope you find your soulmate as I am hoping to find mine! :)
@scribbles - there's nothing wrong with enjoying the solitude :) Scientists research it has the same effect on certain parts of our brain as the process of being love does
, thanks for your comment! It makes me glad to know there are others that experience the same feeling! You also describe your emotions in your writing well! SUBSCRIBED!
@The_Aftershock_3650@xanga - hahaha NOT GONNA TAKE YOUR ADVICE AND IM GONNA THROW MYSELF AT EVERYONE >:P
just joking! No for sure its great advice :) its like the saying you must love yourself before loving others. Cliche but very true.
@reichael@healthkicker - aww thank you! and wow i didn't know that about science research!
@scribbles -
you have to watch Helen Fisher on TED talks. http://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fisher_studies_the_brain_in_love.html