Wednesday, 01 June 2011
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First Date: The Golden Rule
While talking to a customer at the bar last week, he revealed that he has the perfect first-date formula. He said that the Golden Rule of a good first date is this: always take her to three different locations over the course of the night.Huh. What is it that makes the three-location rule such an effective one?
"It builds trust," he revealed, setting down his drink to explain with his hands. "When you take her to three different places, she sees you in three different lights, which makes her feel like she's getting to know more sides of you. But more importantly, everything around her is changing, but you remain constant. She starts to look at you with familiarity. And she's so distracted by all the change that she doesn't have time to get bored and start to wonder why she's there with you."
Ha! I couldn't help but think back to the way that I met John: an hour talking in the cafe, twenty minutes walking in the daytime, a drink at a bar while night fell outside, another thirty minutes walking in the nighttime... and then, most unexpectedly, I let him into my apartment.
When I told John about my customer's rule, he said: "oh yeah. Three places is key. I knew that if we hadn't stopped at another place on the way to your apartment, there was no way in hell you were ever going to let me in."
What a tricky devil!
What do you think about this strategy? Does it reek of manipulation, or does it matter? Have you ever fallen for it? Has it ever failed you?
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About the Author
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- From: ThatBirdisAbsurd
- About Me: I just moved to New York after studying and living abroad for five years in Canada, Europe and India. One amazing thing about being back in America: knowing EXACTLY how to say what you want to say, RIGHT when you want to say it. English makes dating a lot easier.
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Comments (31)
Interesting, I've never heard of that before. But then I wouldn't let anyone into my apartment on the first date...
Yeah, never had anyone put that much effort into me. But I think it might work, if they did. Sounds like a good policy!
I've never heard of that either. I wonder if someone ever did that with me..hmmm. Sounds very manipulative lol. When I was single I decided if I liked a guy and if he had a shot within the first conversation. If he didn't it wouldn't matter how many places he brought me...he would still end up in the friend zone. But if I did like him maybe that approach would make things move along faster. I am so curious about this lol. I'm going to go home and see if my husband pulled this on me.
He doesn't need to take me to three different places. If we connected really well and went out to only one place, then it still would've worked out.
I've had it done! I didn't even realize that it was a trick. But it definitely feels like they actually want to hang out with you and not just bring you home.
...hmm. Interesting.
oh my god. it's not a trick any more than showing a little bit of cleavage is a trick, or any more than touching the guy you're into is a trick, or any more than cosmo's "10 tricks to make a guy fall for you" are tricks. it's a method that proves to work more effectively than others. that's all.
either way, i wish this guy hadn't told you this, because 50 billion people are going to shit themselves now that you've posted it on the interwebz.
I wouldnt say its manipulation more like versatile and changing things up, but i dont think ive been on a date like that and if i had i didnt pay attention. If im having fun and im really into the guy where ever were at doesnt matter, and he same goes for if im not feeling the guy all im gunna think about is leaving not if he took me 3 different places lol
Wow! I have never heard of this theory before but it makes sense. I would fall for it for sure. I mean, I think it is also linked to if you enjoy being in those settings with the person aka you like the company of that person...therefore, I don't see it as manipulative.
This only works if she actually really likes you and is genuinely interested in you (which in my experience is known very early in the date). If she's not that interested, it's not going to sway her opinion of you; it would probably just be overkill, actually. If she legitimately likes you she won't care if you're just sitting in a parking lot somewhere doing nothing, anyway.
I fell for it, I was completely smitten afterwards. Wow.
wow, that is brilliant! I can't believe I've never heard of this before
this is a golden rule in the pickup community.
it's called the "bounce"
hmm.. no wonder they do this on the bachelor/bachelorette
Pretty clever. I'm going to have to watch out for this now.
I have never heard about this. But it seems like a great way to keep the night interesting. Plus if someone wants to keep taking you to different places, it conveys the message he/she really wants to spend time with you. I've only been one date where the guy was taking me to different places... but his third place was his place... that didn't work. There I could see it as manipulation.
For those that think this is manipulation...you are right
OH NO ! a guy has taken interest in you and is using a
technique that will further the relationship with you to him
connect with you on an emotional level and have sex with you,
maybe be with you long term and maybe marriage
Oh sweet 6.5 pound baby Jesus, what a monster.
@testyman666@xanga - Amazing comment. Made me laugh so much.
OP:
Never heard of this O.o
@testyman666@xanga - Bahahahahaha!
This is interesting. As long as it's not done in some deliberately manipulative fashion, I see nothing wrong with trying to have fun/get to know someone in many different settings in a shorter period of time. If you can spice up the date, why the hell not?
@OstentatiousEloquence@xanga - Seem will gonna an effective idea !!!! Don know abt her reaction over this , but that for sure that no one of us would like to spoil time in looking for different sights around !!!!
@testyman666@xanga - THIS. ;]
This is actually quite interesting.
We went to one place. And I let him in. (not like that!
) haha.
Never heard of it, but I've had it done to me. It did work, but I think that was more because I got to see their interests in a broader light than the glow of a restaurant table candle. I wonder if they did it on purpose... I know that when we were dating (and still, actually) my husband wanted to take me to a lot of places and show me interesting things. Some of the places where we have the best conversation are museums and zoos. Learning things together is another great bonding experience.