Wednesday, 01 June 2011
-
Checklist for a Great Relationship
The boldfaced statements are word-for-word from a handout we got in my psychology class. I really liked this and so I thought I'd share. I put an explanation after the ones that I thought weren't obvious. Like the title says, this is a list of things that make for a great, healthy, happy relationship. Enjoy!1. Each person allows the other to be new each day. You don't maintain grudges and/or hold things against each other that were done or said in the past. Every day is a new day.
2. Communicating about problems is done for the purpose of clearing things up and moving on (as opposed to making wrong, dramatizing, feeling dominant, proving your point, etc.)
3. Each person recognizes that he or she is autonomous. You are each your own person, separate from the other. You're not emotionally or financially dependent on the other. Though you love the other person and want them in your life, you know that you can be okay without them.
4. Each person understands the difference between blame and responsibility, and is willing to take 100% responsibility for what comes up. If you mess up, take responsibility for it. Don't blame each other and try to make the other person wrong and yourself right. Simply taking responsibility and acknowledging your part in an issue will go a long way.
5. Neither person is punished for telling the truth. The truth is more valued than momentarily feeling better.
6. Both people are connected to others as well as to each other. Sometimes when people get boyfriends or girlfriends, they forget about everyone else including their friends. There needs to be some sort of a balance there.
7. Both people feel connected even when physically apart.
8. Both people usually behave the same way when they are apart as when they are together. According to my psych teacher, this is virtually impossible for adolescents. I'm not entirely sure why, so I won't try explaining it.
9. Each person both gives and receives love, rather than being stuck in roles. Sometimes there's one person who always is the one to say 'I love you' or anything sweet. Ideally, both people would do that instead of it always being one saying it and the other just repeating after them.
10. Jealousy is not an ongoing issue. If it comes up it is discussed and resolved.
11. Both persons communicate their needs as best they understand them, rather than expecting the other to know what they are. Most of the time, people get upset over things that they never asked for and the other person never promised they'd give. You expect your boyfriend or girlfriend to be a mind-reader, but they're not. Tell them what you want, and if you don't then don't get upset that they didn't give it to you.
12. Both people actively work on moving the relationship forward.
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: ivarahBharavi@xanga
- About Me: Hello jello! I'm Bharavi and I like making new friends.
-
True
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 7 Views: 0 23111 Comments: 0 192 View all posts by ivarahBharavi@xanga
Comments (13)
both people feel connected even when physically apart. [LDR mode = on] :D
I love this! I realized that my boyfriend and I have finally come to this stage after 7 years :).
This is good to describe what should be going on in a great non-marital relationship, but once you do get married, you'll need to also be okay with being less autonomous and less connected to others, although those things don't go away- they necessarily lessen when you choose to take that step. Also, although I agree with #1, it's important to also take note of your partner's behavioral history as well, and keep it in mind when relevant.
And of course, the most important part of a great relationship is choosing the right person to have it with. Mutual respect and admiration, shared values and equal intellectual capacity, plus sexual attraction, is a good base. :)
I believe you are leaving out the most important thing! You have to have self-respect and self-confidence before having a successful relationship. If you can't even respect or believe in yourself, then how can you respect or believe in someone else?
Inspirational Books
@Amanda - Totally agree.
I
agree with all of these. The only one I had a slight issue with was the
part about being completely financially independent. It's not
necessarily that easy when you're married with children. You end up
needed each others income (or equivalent). But I do agree that you both
should be contributing to the household in some way.
I'm happy to say that my husband and I fit these categories. :)
@Amanda - I concur. But I think for the sake of this post, she's already assuming that people have this. Perhaps she is. I can't say for sure.
I think this is legit, miss!
Tl;dr. Where's the 'easy' button?
Now if every couple were like this, divorce would be rare.
I have problems with number 1. I can't seem to let something my man did go by the next morning. He expects me to be happy and brand new each day but I can't help remembering the asshole thing he did yesterday. I gotta work on that one.
@Amanda - but this is about what two people should do once already in a relationship, not the precursory stuff. and without having self-confidence, some of these things aren't possible. so it's kind of a given :)
i wish i could have this.
Awesome list! In one word: maturity! That's all it comes down to.