I don't see any issues with preferences. I'm sure everyone has their own preferences when looking for a partner, be it looks for personality. The true shallow people are the one who judge others for having preferences because they themselves refused to admit that they have their own preferences too. 

One of my favorite relationship quotes goes something like, "There's a name for people who have wonderful personalities but we don't find physically attractive: friends."  So true.

Everyone has something that attracts them. Maybe some people are attracted to all sorts of different people, but even those people want to be with someone they consider attractive. I sometimes think I'd rather be attracted to someone that other people thought was a 5 and I thought was a 10. That way, I totally win: I'm with someone I think is totally hot, but everyone else thinks he's average and then they don't hit on him. I think my crush is a perfect 10. Apparently so does every other woman in the city. If I'm honest with myself, I have to admit that bothers me a bit sometimes, knowing that he can choose from a very large number of women and I'm just one more girl that's hot for him. He's also in a band, very charismatic onstage, and I notice how other women drool over him when he plays. I'm happy for his success, but at the same time, knowing I have that much competition and a lot of them are younger and hotter than me can be a bit discouraging. So if I ever do crush on anyone else, I think I'll pic someone who's a bit more of a "hidden gem."

i think it becomes shallow when you link a physical characteristic with a personality trait.  such as, saying that all guys who wear glasses must be nerdy.  

NOTHING is wrong with having preferences. And I don't see people getting upset with dudes who exclusively like fat women; it seems that it's only okay to have preferences if they favor people who are perceived to be less attractive mates. Like, it's fine for all the people who say that they love pale, skinny, nerdy men, but if I say that I want a man who's tall and athletic, that's shallow.

Love and sex are ultimately selfish in nature- the relationship is based on the value and pleasure they bring to your life. Therefore, you would think that it would be acceptable, even rational, to base your requirements for a romantic interest on traits that you value, not traits that you have to look past and "rise above".

The girl who wrote the article about shorter guys... mostly had people who agreed with her or at least understood her point. There were a few people who pulled an issue with her, but it was minimal.

The guy who wrote about preferring long hair on women didn't get attacked because of his preference. He got attacked because of the way he presented his preference and the assumptions he made (ie, that women with shorter hair are lazier than women with longer hair).

i don't see anything wrong with preferences as long as someone isn't being a jerk about it. one guy said he prefers thinner girls and that you're desperate if you date a fat girl. now, i have no problem with him wanting to date a small girl, but he didn't have to make it rude. THAT is what makes someone shallow and jerkish.

@Hinase@xanga - A lot of people wold rather stay single in the hopes of landing that prize prospect than settle for something less. While I don't necessarily agree with being that picky, some people just have to have all the boxes ticked off. I have a good friend like that and she literally cannot settle for less than her ideal guy because if she does, she ends up picking out and magnifying all the things she doesn't like about him, and they're broken up in a week. She lucks out because she's attractive, intelligent, and well-spoken, so there's never a shortage of suitors, but sometimes it makes me want to bang my head against the wall when she asks for advice. 

People love to say that looks have absolutely nothing to do with a relationship or whatever you want to call it, but the truth and reality is that they absolutely do! Maybe they don't have everything to do with it but they play a big role. The first thing you see when you look at someone is their looks, and if they aren't nice to look at, then chances are, you won't give them a second glance.

But what is ugly to me, may be attractive to you. That's where our individual preferences come in. You might like guys with blonde hair and blue eyes, while I am not attracted to that look at all.

But when looks is the only thing you consider on that person, then you've got a problem. Because a relationship starts with attraction, but it should grow into something more. There are lots of other informative articles and inspirational books written about this. But a lot of it is also just common sense.

@tokyoexpressman@xanga - Exactly. And it's one thing to maybe prefer a certain cup size or something like that, but when she absolutely has to have that or the deal is off, that's when someone comes off as picky. I mean, I prefer long hair on girls, and I'd love to have a lady with that feature, but if I met an awesome chick who had shorter hair, I wouldn't shut her down, I'd just focus on everything else I dug about her.

I've posted this on that post with the shorter men, so I guess I'm going to sound like a broken record.

I don't know why people have a hard time grasping this. No one is criticizing people's preferences. I think the majority of people here accept that some people prefer some characteristics over others. The person who posted about women with shorter hair didn't get criticized because of his preference for short hair. REREAD THE POST/COMMENTS. He got criticized because he insulted women who do have short hair and labeled them all as lazy people who didn't care about their hair.

You can express your preferences without degrading those who fall outside your preferences.

I didn't mind the post about her preferring to date taller men, because if you look at the reasons she provides for doing so, they mostly revolve around herself. She gives reasons like, "It makes me feel taller," or "I'm self-conscious." Nowhere in her post does she ever degrade shorter men and say things like "Shorter men obviously didn't get enough calcium when they were younger so they must all be lazy and they don't care about what they look like."

I am so sick of all these people coddling those who are ignorant and demeaning.

@RestlessPhoenix@xanga - Thank you for this. <3

There is nothing wrong with preferences and it sure as hell doesn't make you shallow. People need to get over themselves and realize what is attractive to you could be repulsive to someone else.

additionally, the annoying thing I found about those posts was that they sought to justify their preferences as something larger than themselves and logical, rather than just... individual.    With the guy who liked short hair, shorted haired women (me!) were universally "lazy" and "unkempt" and "not as sexy."   With the woman who preferred tall guys, it wasn't as bad but she still made a comment about how "girls like feeling smaller so they prefer cuddling with tall guys" (not me, and I don't think "feeling big" is necessarily a bad thing).

Have your preferences all you like, but when you try to justify why the other type is bad, that's when I will  get a bit defensive.