Sunday, 29 May 2011
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Maintaining Relationships in the 21st Century
I've been paying close attention to a lot of my friends and their relationships lately. What I have noticed is something I haven't really thought about before: everyone communicates differently. Now you're probably thinking "well, obviously," but you have to give me a chance to explain myself here.
I get that each and every person communicates and interacts with their world in different ways, but what I really mean is that communication in every relationship is different. I think this makes it really hard to take general and blanketed advice regarding relationships and how to interact with your significant other. If we're all different, why should we be expected to follow the same rules in regards to relationship maintenance?
In this highly technological era, we see that most people are communicating much less on a face-time basis. It seems to me that everybody needs attention, but in a variety of calibers and via different mediums.
As far as categories go, this is a work-in-progress, but I'm feeling pretty strongly about it.
The texters: In this type of relationship, the two counterparts are generally glued to their phones. They have constant conversation throughout each day, but because of the constant contact their conversations tend to include a lot of small talk and include a good deal of color commentary. They tend to tell each other where they are and when, where they might be going next, things that interest them that they've come across throughout the day, etc.
The people in this relationship see constant conversation, be it seemingly meaningless or not, as the best way to maintain a relationship. It helps them feel connected all day every day.
The telephoners: These types of relationships seem a little less demanding when it comes to maintenance. These couples tend to text less throughout the day and can be disconnected technologically without feeling disconnected in the relationship. People who enjoy longer telephone conversations use these conversations as a sort of "day summary" and therefore do not need the constant reassurance of an all-day conversation via text message.
The video-chatters: Most couples who use this medium are keeping a long-distance relationship. They use video chatting as a way to gain face-time while also having the "day summary" discussions. Video chatters, since they are typically long-distance maintainers, probably also text a lot and may even have phone conversations as well.
But I have to say, I haven't gotten to witness any dating couples who are living together. If you live with your significant other, how do you communicate on a day-to-day basis?
Do you fit into any of these categories? Are there any categories that I may not know about?
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About the Author
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- From: TheDailyDane
- About Me: I'm Dane and I'm 20. Follow me on Twitter @danefeldman. I am a huge supporter of long-term relationships. What's the fun in knowing something will end in a week? Stick around for some long-term bloggin'.
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Comments (24)
Ooh. I fit into the last 2. Since my boyfriend is long distance and doesn't have a cell anymore, talking is a bit more difficult, but we talk on the phone a lot. It definitely is a lot less of a demanding relationship, but at the same time, it requires more attention since it is long distance. We don't video chat as much as we'd like, but every little bit counts. c: Good post! It's very accurate. lol
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We live together so most days we don't communicate while we are doing our separate things, although sometimes we text if we are having a bad day/see something interesting/or need to coordinate meals.
Unfortunately most of my relationships have been the texting type, but that's not something i'm proud of. I feel that texting all day every day leaves the conversation more dry and awkward in person, which obviously isn't appealing. The next person I date I hope will like talking on the phone and call me sometimes (definitely not a million times a day). Phone calls are cute and exciting, and I can't say I've had someone do that on a regular basis for a couple years.
I contact him via our social network profiles and leave comments for him, texting, sexting
, and I also leave sexy voicemails for him to hear, which he looks forward to hearing. we tease each other throughout the day, ask about general things that happened once a day, not a constant twitter-like update, because it gets tedious and quite annoying to be constantly questioned like a fugitive.
My boyfriend doesn't even have a cell phone, and mine is prepaid so I don't like texting since it's expensive for me. We mostly chat on MSN if something interesting happens or we find something neat to link to or tell each other about, and we make plans via MSN as well. We don't even have each others' phone numbers, haha.. just e-mails, Facebooks, and addresses.
My husband and I mostly text each other throughout the day. Usually extremely short comments such as, "I love you, have a great day!" or "Could you pick up some milk after work?"
We save everything else for face to face conversation. I like it better that way.
Hope this helps!
Long-distance for me, so we mostly video chat or type online. Can't call conveniently or text. When we are living together, I think it's still hard to communicate.
I think people who live with each other probably just talk to each other in person.
When I was in relationships, every time it was a texters category lol.
I used to be a texter.....but that was because I wasn't convinced of my boyfriends feelings for me even after being together for a year! Thats gotta tell ya something haha but anyway I'm now kinda texting/calling kind of person. Not very frequently though, I like my time to myself. Just wanna say, that bf cheated on me in the end haha always trust your instincts!!
I live with my husband (obviously) and we're mostly the telephoner type. We call each other at the very end of the work day :)
my boyfriend and i are videochatters. however, it's mostly because i'm in china, and he's in new york, but even before that, i preferred videochatting. i think it's because if there's a pause, it's less likely to be awkward if you're videochatting.
i'm in a long-distance relationship and we maintain communication by texting and phone calling. :) we rarely ever videochat because of how busy we both are.
I have experiences every type of
communication with my boyfriend. He is in the army so last summer we had
a long distance relationship first through writing letters, then to
phone calls once a week to texting to text/email/video chat. Now we live
together and everything is face to face. I love living with my SO, so
much easier.
sorry deleted my original post as I had the wrong user name :)
Well, my boyfriend is one of those few people in the world who just doesn't care to buy internet service for videochatting. We generally text each other constantly. But I'm not one hundred percent sure that we text in order to "feel connected all day everyday". You know how in high school, a girl generally finds another girl they become "best friends" with? Well, the group I hang out with in school are chronic over-achievers, much like myself, who have a ton to do yet wish to have serious relationships. Texting keeps my relationship simple, without causing me to slack on my goals I'm going to achieve.
I'm a texter. However, I see my boyfriend almost every day so we talk a lot in person too. If I didn't see him so frequently, I think I would call him more often, and have done so in the past with previous relationships. There's nothing like hearing his voice if I can't go to see him.
My last relationship was semi-long distance; we lived 2 hours away from each other, which isn't far, but neither of us had a car. We maintained contact mainly through MSN messenger, as he didn't have a cell phone until towards the end of our relationship.
My current relationship is largely over text. We live less than a mile from each other so we see each other in the evenings but we text throughout the day, mainly about funny or interesting stuff that happens during class.
I live with my boyfriend for 9 months of the year (when we're in school), and then we go between texting when we're not together and just talking face to face... when we're apart (during breaks) we video chat nightly and text during the day. Despite texting all day, our video conversations are still two hours long.
My boyfriend and I are video chatters. He only has a pay as you go cell phone and it's for emergencies only. Video chatting is a great free way and it keeps us communicating.
i'm definitely a telephoner. i prefer to hear the persons voice and talk to them for a longer period of time. texting is just so impersonal- opposite of what a relationship should be, in my opinion. hearing the emotion and smile in someones voice or hearing their pain...just a more personal touch. makes me feel close.
in a long distance relationship and use all three of those methods. we talk on the phone 2-3 times a day, send texts here and there, and skype 3 times a week. still hard though.
Me and my boyfriend don't live together, but you can say we technically do because I go over a lot. We don't really communicate unless I'm telling him I'm coming over, when he's going to be home, if he needs anything, or planning dates/meals.