Sunday, 29 May 2011
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I Don't Like Dating Non-Virgins
As a 16-year-old girl, you'd think that finding someone that's still a virgin would be easy... but it's really not anymore. Teenage guys and girls persuade their boyfriends / girlfriends into having sex and well... the rest is forgotten like the condom on the bedsheets.
Personally, I've had a grand total of 7 boyfriends (my current boyfriend being the 7th) and out of all the 7, only 3 were virgins. Now I understand completely that these guys had relationships before me and I'm totally okay with that. However, it makes me uncomfortable to have a boyfriend that's already had sex.
Maybe it's because I'm only 16 and I personally don't think teenagers should be going around sleeping with one another, but I think it's because it makes me feel pressured. I feel like the guy will expect more from me if he's already had sex.
Out of the 4 boyfriends that weren't virgins, only 1 of them never pressured me to go further than I had before. It makes me feel like I'll never be good enough because if I don't sleep with the guy, he'll get bored and leave (which happened with the other non-virgin bfs).
My boyfriend now is a virgin as well as I am, and he's never pressured anything about sex on me (although I'd expect long distance having a big part in that) but when he and I HAVE talked about sex, he's always said "Whenever we're both ready." and this comforts me, knowing it's not something he can't live without.
Is is silly of me to think this? Would you ever date someone who made you feel out of your comfort zone in a specific way?
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- From: SentimentalDoll@xanga
- Name: Jordan
- About Me: I'm a little caterpillar waiting to turn into a beautiful butterfly. ƸӜƷ
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Comments (133)
It's not silly of you at all. Be open-minded with this, but no guy should be pressuring you at all when it comes to sex whether he is a virgin or not. Good luck!
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In a few years, you'll have a new perspective. Just make sure it really is your choice, and never his...truly, it should belong to both of you. I broke up with my boyfriend at 16 because I felt - or, knew - he expected it from me and was scared.
But don't dwell too much on his past. What he did or who he did before he met you. The important fact is that, right now, he is with you. He loves you. That's what matters.
M
Any guy pressuring you to have sex when you don't want to is not the guy for you! If you give in before you are ready, you probably won't enjoy it as much. Also, you are likely to end up resenting the guy. It's best to wait until you are ready and with someone you love.
It's wonderful to hear that you are waiting as long as you are. I don't personally feel as though I would have been ready at your age. I was 19 before I first had sex, and I don't think I was completely ready even then.
Good luck, and stay positive and firm in your decision!
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - Thanks! I understand, like, I'd never break up with a guy because he wasn't a virgin and I was, but if he kept trying to get in my pants I'd have to let him go.
@quasarglow@xanga - Yeah, it makes me sad too. ): In my freshman sister's gym class, there are 3 girls that are pregnant and they're only 15. D: Ahh, well I'm glad you made a smart choice. <3
@sonnigenmai@xanga - I'm sure. It's something that comes with age. Oh absolutely! I'll never let a guy choose if I'm ready or not. It has to be something that's meaningful to us both. Yeah, that's a sucky situation huh? ): One of my exes tried ripping my clothes off once when I said I didn't want to. Exactly. [: If they don't try to bring up what they've done in the past, or try to make me go as far as they have, then I'm fine, but if they start pressuring me, I'm out.
@love_and_blackberries@xanga - Thank you. c: Honestly, it DOES scare me. It's a huge step in a relationship and I'm afraid of what may or may not happen afterwards, which is why I want to wait until I'm in a long, stable relationship.
That's exactly how I felt. I only dated two guys, both virgins, and I ended up with the last one until now. So I haven't dated much but I wouldn't have felt comfortable dating a non-virgin at all.
You are on the right track. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. When it comes to dating, you shouldn't feel pressured to do something you are uncomfortable with. The relationship shouldn't be all about sex. And if those guys get bored because of it, they don't matter. HS boys can be real immature sometimes, but there are always the nice ones who will treat you with the respect you deserve. Keep looking. He's out there.
You are one lucky gal!!! Your current boyfriend is a keeper :)
P.S. You are definitely NOT weird for thinking this!
My last boyfriend wasn't a virgin and it was a little awkward for me. He respected my request that we not have sex, but I still think I would be more comfortable with a guy who had the same level of experience as I do. The older I get the harder that'll be to find, though.
@sassypenguin@xanga - It's just a crazy thing that people are going and having sex so readily. Congrats though, that's pretty impressive!
@wyrdkismet@xanga - Thanks!! :3 I agree with this comment so much. Highschool boys are incredibly mature. -.- I'm so glad my boyfriend isn't like that. For right now, he's a great catch. c:
@hidden_serenade@xanga - Haha why thank you. [:
@thepsychoticraccoon@xanga - Exactly. It's much more comfortable for me knowing he and I are on the same, or a very close wavelength in experience.
@SentimentalDoll@xanga - Yea, at 16 every single one of my friends had had sex, were having sex with their boyfriends, and were openly talking about it. I was the only one not having sex. So be prepared for that to be a huge pressure too. My friends always said stuff like "well you just don't understand because you don't do it" and made me feel shitty about my choice.
A good thing though is that those few years until you do have sex go by really fast so hopefully the pressure wears off by then.
Only being fifteen, sex never came to mind until a few months ago when I was on the phone with a guy I really, really like and he was talking about it...
I love that you are being true to yourself & your wishes. I love that you are strong enough in who you are & what you want for your life that you aren't letting someone that you have feelings for use those feelings against you to pressure you into doing something that you aren't ready to do. I love that you're being responsible as a teenager & as a woman with your heart and with your body. Especially considering that if you ever became pregnant - it isn't ONLY your life that would be affected.
It is awesome that you are a strong woman & independent thinker. You should be very happy with who you are from what you've shared in this post. Things would be better in this world if more people could stand firmly this way.
@sassypenguin@xanga - Yeah, people already do that. They're like "it's so great, you're being immature, you're so innocent..." blah blah. I mean, just because I haven't had sex with a guy doesn't mean I've never done anything or something... lol. Luckily, my closest friends (a few who have had sex) don't think anything bad of me being a virgin.
@filthyminds@xanga - Eh, I wouldn't give in if I were you. I mean, it's totally yours and his choice, but I dunno, personally I just hate how people give in so easily to sleeping with people. /:
@MyTwoCentss@xanga - Aww thank you! [: I am. I'm incredibly proud of the decisions I've made, and that I can share them with people like this.
@SentimentalDoll@xanga - Yea and that's what's important. Let me tell you, its not that great though. I've noticed my friends really talked it up in high school saying it was awesome, felt so good, so fun, and they just went on and on and on. Now that they are older they realize its just another thing to do.
Yah, don't do anything you don't want to do, or you'll regret it for the rest of your life. I wish I had listened to myself in high school.
My current boyfriend (who wasn't a virgin) never pressured me to have sex. I was 19 when I shared my virginity with him, only after knowing him for 2 months (sometimes you just know, we're still together going a year strong). Anyway, I remember later him telling me he was prepared to wait awhile to have sex with me, at least more than six months.
There ARE guys out there that sex isn't their main focus, but it's a little hard to come by.
I've been pressured quite a few times to have sex, but I still held out. And it was honestly the best decision I ever made.
I hope once your time comes that it will be a good experience for you.
@sassypenguin@xanga - Just like a past time or something to do when bored... exactly. I mean, when I do eventually have it, I hope it's special, but I'm more than willing to wait.
@Kittyluve@xanga - Aw, well everyone regrets something, but at least you're smart enough to have learned from the past.
@reesa14@xanga - Well then again, being older I would see you having more time to think about it, but I'm glad to hear you got a great guy. [: And thank you so much!
I started dating my boyfriend when I was 16 and now we are both 22. We live together and share a bed and have never engaged in intercourse because he respects my decision to wait until marriage.
I'm really happy that you seem to have a good head on your shoulders! Don't ever let someone put you out of your comfort zone. It's not silly for you to think that way. If you ever end up dating someone who isn't a virgin just make sure he respects your choices! If you feel ready to have sex, make sure you are safe and smart about it!
Good luck with everything!
@SentimentalDoll@xanga - Its special the first time. After that though, its not that great lol.
you're 16. it's okay to feel that way. also okay to feel that way for religious reasons. nothing wrong with having high standards. and besides, sex complicates things, trust me
@MyTwoCentss@xanga - Well said. I second what she said!