Saturday, 28 May 2011
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Feeling Worthless
I wrote this as one of those "letters I will never send" to my recently-made-ex-boyfriend, who broke up with me 2 weeks ago because we were in a long distance relationship and he "just couldn't handle the distance anymore." Supposedly he still loves me the same, cares about me the same, and wants to stay friends, but he didn't like "feeling as though [he isn't] in a relationship and yet having all the boundaries of one."Do you have any idea how it feels to be told you're not worth it? Because that's what you told me. That I'm not worth a half hour phone conversation each night and the occasional Skype convo. That I'm not worth the small effort it takes to not make out with girls when you're drunk. That it is more important to just hang out with friends now than to stick to all the plans that we made, because its "too much work." That I'm not worth that work. I'm not worth being picked up at the train station every other weekend. A future with me isn't worth any work at all. I'm not worth any work at all.
Sure you love me the same and you still care about me, but you won't even talk to me really anymore. You talk to your friends. When your friends say "I have something I need to talk to you about," you listen. You make sure to always be there for your friends. But you aren't here for me. I'm not even worth that to you.YOU were the one that said "forever." You said it, not me. You said that you couldn't wait for us to be that old couple at the amusement park. You said you couldn't even bear to think of life again without me in it. You said you couldn't wait to put a ring on my finger, to marry me, to start a family. YOU said it. Not me. I thought it was too good to be true. Then, just when I started trusting you wouldn't leave me, that you were real, you left. You broke every promise and turned everything you said into a lie. I guess I wasn't worth the truth. I wasn't worth the promises.
Pretty much, you said I'm worth nothing. You are treating me like I am worth nothing.So I guess I'm worth nothing.
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About the Author
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- From: skinnydragon12@xanga
- About Me: My username would imply that I am another pro-ana person, but I promise you that I'm not. I started this because I was extremely insecure about my weight - I still am - and I needed an outlet for it. However, this isn't just about my issues with weight anymore. This is about me, and every facet of me, bar none. This site is me, my thoughts, and my life.
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Comments (22)
I think you're taking this a but too hard, dude. There are millions of people on this planet. One person breaking up with you does NOT mare you worthless.
A guy treated me like this once. We were never in an LDR or anything, but he did make me feel worthless. But it became apparent that all he cared about was class and social standing, so in the end it was fine that we weren't able to make it as a couple. This too, shall pass.
I'm sorry about your break-up and that everything he said seems like a lie now, although you have to keep in mind at the time he probably meant all the things he said. Sadly, time and circumstance can easily change a heart.
You are not worthless and you are not worthless to him (he still wants to be your friend).I wish you luck in your healing.I'm sorry to hear about the struggles of your breakup. I know first hand what it's like to live through a long distance relationship. It is very hard. You aren't worthless. Not at all. Though I can understand why it would make you feel as if you were. But at the same time I can also understand how difficult it is to maintain that distance. Being so far away from the one you love, having all these limits and boundries, yet unable to fufill the needs you get from being in a relationship when you are right there. Being long distance is difficult. Waiting out when you can finally come together, trying to plan it all out, emotionally, physically, financially...
My guess is you are still rather young. Don't let this bring you down too much. It's always hard ending a relationship, but there is so much more out there. Pick yourself up, go out and live! Love will find it's way to you. But till then keep your head up, keep thinking positive! Be happy!
Good luck to you.
guys like this just aren't worth it. end of story!
Have you ever made a friend that you really liked but after a while didn't click with anymore? This is how a lot of relationships are when you're young. A guy meets a girl, falls head over heels for her and then after a while he realizes that he's not as crazy about her as he thought. It's not about worthiness. Maybe this guys feelings have changed and the easiest route out is to say that the long-distance thing is too hard.
I've had relationships like that from both ends. I've broken up with guys I liked at first, made all sorts of plans and loving statements to and after a little while, changed my mind. That's really what dating is all about when you're a teenager and into your early 20's. It's good to date people to find out what you like, what you don't and what works for you.
Take some time to heal and then get back out there...there's plenty of fish in the sea. Don't let this relationship cause you to carry emotional baggage that will only weigh you down.
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i feel you, every word in your entry brought tears to my eyes because i experienced the situation. he broke up with me a month and 28 days ago (yes i counted). Acting nonchalant to show him that i didnt give a shit was hard, but i did it anyway, but away from him and our friends, i cried bucketloads and replayed those memories and again and again, "was i not worth the effort to fix whatever that was wrong" even though nothing was wrong, we never fought, we never disagreed, we never cheated on each other.
from hurt to despair, to anger, to resentment, i was lost in a whirpool of emotions, every single kind of emotion a human being could ever feel in a single lifetime.it was hard, and then i realised it wasnt that i wasnt worth it to him. He probably knew he wasnt worth my commitment, my time, my love, my tears, my everything.It's hard letting go while you're left in inconclusiveness my dear, but i can promise you it gets better everyday. (:also, no one forced those sweet talk out of his mouth, he promised me the world, all the "id scale the highest mountain, swim the deepest ocean for you" kind of crap. i didnt ask for it. now everything seems like lies to me, i feel so stupid for even ever believing him, but dont blame yourself for it. Remember ACTIONS ALWAYS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. (:
whatever left's of your self-worth (you think that you have lost) and dignity, tell yourself you want it ALL BACK now, dont you ever stay stuck at where he left you, you walk away girl, and dont you ever look back, keep on walking and rebuild your self-worth in every way and any way that you can, far away from that bastard.All that sweet talk, yes, that hurts when it turns out someone never meant it... I don't blame you for taking it hard. But this is just a vent - get it all out whenever you have to and forget him. There are people out there who will lie a lot or believe something they say to you without actually realising they don't have the stamina or whatever to last... but at the same time, there's always the "right one" too. Good luck to you; you are worth it. :)
First I have to say: Holy crap, I got featured! I totally didn't expect that. Definitely picked up my day a little bit. Thank you!
@reesa14@xanga - Thanks. Circumstances do change a lot... considering literally a week before he dumped me he was making plans for when we were going to move in together and when we could get married. I don't know what changed within a week, but circumstance certainly has a hell of a lot to do with it.
@Joobie82@xanga - As I just said to reesa, it wasn't that he "fell out of love" or gradually realized he wasn't head over heals. It was sudden, he just decided one day that the distance wasn't worth the work and he didn't want to do it anymore. If his feelings had changed I don't think it would be this hard, but he says they haven't. Like I said, literally the week before he broke it off he was still 110% into being with me forever. Which is why I just wonder why one day our future was worth it and the next it wasn't...
@sweetreplay - Wow, this is us to a T. We never fought or argued, cheated, etc. We always talked things out. Which is why I was so shocked and hurt that he didn't try to talk out these problems, too. He just made the decision in less than a week. And I didn't ask for any of those promises, either. I'm glad that you are healing...it gives me hope.
@BloodIsLove@xanga - This is a vent. Do I actually feel like I'm worth nothing? No. I'm a successful student going into my senior year with a great GPA and a big future. I have family and a few very close friends by my side that obviously value me. However, that doesn't mean I don't feel this way - obviously I did when I wrote it. I just have to take a step back at times like that and re-evaluate things. And I thought he was the "right" one... I'm still sort of hoping it. I would be lying if I said I don't hope he calls me up and says it was all a mistake. But we'll see. And thank you.
@skinnydragon12@xanga - Coming from someone with a good amount of experience, I'd have to say that he may not be on the level with you. People lie, especially men when it comes to relationships. He says his feelings haven't changed. If that was true, he would still be with you. When a guy really wants to be with someone, he will make it happen no matter what obstacles are in the way. The more you date, the better you'll get at detecting male bullshit. He's bullshitting you...sounds like someone or something else may have suddenly come into the picture.
I'm not trying to be harsh. It's terrible that you are feeling so low. Just don't want you to feel worthless because a guy broke up with you for a bad reason. I do know how very terrible it feels to have your heart broken.
@Joobie82@xanga - You aren't being harsh, but you are acting like I'm a child. While I may be younger than you, I'm not a child. And I do not doubt his sincerity in our conversation the previous week. He is the type of person that NEVER sugar coats anything and NEVER says anything unless he means it. He is a very honest individual, sometimes brutally so. And you are right, something else did come into the picture - new friends. He started hanging out with a new group of friends, and he already has a job that is extremely time and energy consuming. He had to choose whether to spend the few hours he has left to himself going out with friends or on the phone with me. I think that his friends were probably giving him some grief about it and it wore him down. I'm not making excuses for him, but you do not understand who he is as a person and I don't appreciate assumptions. I do not doubt for a second that he was sincere the week before. We were skyping, and you could see his excitement and enthusiasm when he talked about our future.
I've had sudden epiphanies, so he might've had an epiphany and realized something. I used to sulk over an ex, but when I talked to him later in depth, he said some things that triggered me to reevaluate my feelings for him, because he wasn't the person, whom I thought that I fell in love with; he was actually selfish and evil, in my situation. he probably didn't realize that some of his words made me react the way that I did and I wasn't expecting to react negatively, but I did, and things weren't the same after our talk. things changed. now I have a new guy and feel wonderful again.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - I'm supposed to be talking to him soon, so hopefully I will also come to a realization that allows me to move on.
ouch, that must be really hard. but whatever happens you shouldn't feel worthless.
to the right person you'll be 'worth' all of that.
and really it is probably better that you broke up than he stayed with you and cheated on you. which i'm not saying would happen but if he is feeling "as though he isn't in a relationship and yet having all the boundaries of one", then it certainly seems a possibility. it would be worse if he just lead you on whilst screwing you over because he didn't want to let you go.
This essentially sums up how I felt when my ex and I officially broke things off about 8 months ago, but the circumstances were very different. We weren't in a LDR, but our families came from different religious backgrounds and his parents were very opposed to us dating although we are both South Asian. He decided that things would never work out, which I would have had an easier time accepting if it had not taken him four years of us dating for him to figure that out.
I think the truth is that the distance wasn't the issue; the issue is him. I agree with @Joobie82@xanga, as he was probably just spewing out words when it came to talking about the future. My ex was the same way about professing his commitment to me one day and then dumping me the next. It was only recently that he finally admitted that he just did not want to date me anymore, and I heard through the grapevine that he is now dating a girl that is of a different race and religious background than his family is.
Moral of the story: he was full of it.
you put all the right words together.
You are worth it. He's just too stupid to realize it.
@sweetreplay -
I can't stress how relatable your comment is to me. This article as well. I'm still pretty young, but I was with my ex a year and 8 months before he broke up with me April 4th this year at 3 in the morning and I remember ever little detail from our relationship. Because I'm a very nostalgic person, even though I've found the strength to move on, and live life without him, I still can't help but look back and be saddened and also infuriated at everything. Because like the author of this post, I was in a long distance relationship and HE was the one who promised everything. Promised to put a ring on my finger the first chance he got. That he couldn't imagine a future without me. That he wanted me to be the mother of his children and how we could live anywhere and have any jobs. As long as we were together he knew he would be happy. He even had the nerve to say how he "could't wait to see what the next 80 years have in store for us." And when I'd say not to make promises like that, he said he would never make a promise he couldn't keep and that he meant every single one of them. I hate the worthless feeling I get at times. I know now that if I mean enough to someone, that they'd be willing to put in as much effort as me, but even then I never thought being with me would be "too much work" for him I don't know why I'm telling you all this, it's just nice to be able to relate I guess. It feels like I'm the only one of my friends to go through this and none of them really know or knew what to say when it first happened. So, I really haven't ever spoken to someone about it. Seeing all of this though, it actually makes me feel better. Like honestly, my heads the clearest it's ever been since almost two months ago. Thank You :)
Then, just when I started trusting you wouldn't leave me, that you were real, you left.
That part really resonated with me. My ex dumped me a few days ago, just when I decided to trust him, he does this.
I'm pretty sure you know you are priceless, don't ever let anyone make you feel this way again.