Friday, 27 May 2011

  • Four is Definitely a Crowd: Her Boyfriend's Mom Hangs Out with His Ex!

    My friend, Tom, has this new girlfriend. Well, actually she's not so new-- it's been a few months already. His girlfriend, Kira, is great. She's funny, intelligent, confident, and she gets him. So, what's the problem? 

    Before Tom and Kira started dating, Tom had just gotten out of a relationship that had lasted nearly 4 years. His ex, Betsy, is from his hometown in New York. Everyone in this small town thought Tom and Betsy would end up together-- even Tom's mother. 

    Through the years, his mom and Betsy were extremely close. When Tom told his mom of his break up with Betsy, she cried! When he introduced her to Kira, she was clearly uncomfortable seeing her son with anyone other than Betsy. Kira told me Tom's mother has a time-share in North Carolina. Her family and friends are too busy to go, so she's taking Betsy! 

    How can Kira even stand a chance when her boyfriend's mother is so buddy-buddy with his ex? If you were Tom, what would you do? What if you were Kira? Do you think Betsy should back off?

Related Posts

Comments (13)

  • RestlessPhoenix@xanga

    As long as Betsy respects his new relationship and his mom isn't going out of her way to sabotage it, there shouldn't be a problem here.

    Tom's mom and Betsy have been friends for years. If they're not doing anything to intentionally make Tom's life and relationship harder, then they shouldn't have to give up their friendship. Yes, I understand that Tom's mother is his mother, but I imagine she cares deeply about Betsy too. It wouldn't be fair to expect Betsy to give up a close friend because her romantic relationship ended.


    Tom should work on getting over the awkwardness, if he hasn't already. Further, he should talk to Kira if she needs it - reassure her that he and Betsy ARE over, just that she and his mom are close. IF his mom and/or Betsy try to sabotage it, then he should discuss it with them. It sounds like everyone in this scenario's an adult. There's no reason they can't handle the situation as adults.
  • ohforrealson@xanga

    Kira stands a chance because she's not dating Tom's mother, she's dating Tom
  • RealistFantasies@xanga

    that does sound really awkward, but i think it can be easily not-awkward if betsy and his mom aren't intentional causing problems. it sounds like the mom just needs to give kira a chance and to get to know her separately from betsy and from the romantic relationship with her son.
  • Hinase@xanga

    Like how @RestlessPhoenix@xanga -says. I think as long as both parties are clear with each other about their relationships and no nothing is going on with him and his ex, it should be fine. Also, as long as the mother doesn't try sabotaging the new relationship. Yeah, hopefully everyone in this situation acts tactfully and adult like. Because if they don't..there will be problems.
  • wyrdkismet@xanga

    oh my that's complicated!! feels like the mom is scheming to get betsy back into her son's life.

  • Super_Andy@xanga

    First of all, if I were Kira, I'd look at myself naked because I'd be a chick and that would just be priority number one.

    Seriously though, girl ain't gotta worry! As some wise mind said above, she's not dating Tom's mother, she's dating Tom. If Mama Bear starts inserting her buddy, Betsy, where she don't belong, then Miss Kira can worry about laying the smack down.
  • onestepcloserto_perfection@xanga

    Umm...she's dating Tom, right?  Not his Mom?  I understand that Mothers have great influence, but if he loves her it won't matter.
  • The_Tudor_Rose@xanga

    I have the potential to be a "betsy". I've known my boyfriend and his family since we were 14. I can't imagine not talking to his parents. They are my second parents, because frankly, we were KIDS when we started dating. They are my family. I don't know how I feel about this because I wouldn't want my beau to not date someone, and if it came to that as the "Betsy" I'd back off. But hell, in an ideal world, if I don't end up with the guy I'm with, I'd hope someday far down the line we would go on double dates with our spouses. But then again, I'm just crazy like that.
  • thisiswhereItellyoueverything@xanga

    ...I don't see a problem here at all.
  • linguistic_nonsense@xanga

    As long as everybody is clear that Betsy and Tom are over, it shouldn't be a problem. Tom's mother and Betsy staying in contact only becomes a problem when it interferes with your relationship. 
  • T0m03@xanga

    I can see why Kira would be so uncomfortable with this situation.
    However, she can't pick her boyfriend's friends, nor can she pick her
    boyfriend's mother's friends. As long as Tom has made it clear that Kira
    is now the girl in his life, and his mother accepts that and gives her a
    chance, then it should be alright. However, if his mother doesn't
    accept that, and is constantly, and purposefully, throwing Betsy in
    Tom's face in hopes that they will get back together, only then will it
    be a problem. Of course, it could also be Betsy doing a little
    background manipulating (easy to do when living in a small town) to make
    sure Tom is pressured into getting back with her (or just in general,
    feeling a lot of guilt for ending the relationship). There really isn't
    much that Kira can do in this case. It's all up to Tom really. If I were
    Betsy, I would definitely back off. I think the situation is
    inappropriate. Yeah, there might be some lingering feelings and possibly
    some animosity, but that's really unfair to put people in circumstances
    like this where they can't move on. Yes, you can definitely stay
    friends with your ex's family, but not to a point where it would make
    anyone new uncomfortable.
  • makeminemango@xanga

    Well, that is a very awkward situation. It might be the immature route, but I think his mom should cut off contact with Betsy out of respect for her son and his new girlfriend. I'd feel insulted if my boyfriend's mom kept in contact with an ex girlfriend because it would make me feel like I don't even have a chance since she liked the last girl so much. I'd also find it hard to get over a relationship if my mom insisted on keeping in contact with my ex. 


    On another note, if I broke up with a boyfriend his mom would be the last person I'd want to see every day. Wouldn't it be a reminder of what you once had, and how it's now over? I guess if you both agreed it was for the best and you moved on accordingly it wouldn't be so bad, but if I was with someone long enough for my mom to get attached to them, I'd feel upset if it didn't work out, and wouldn't want to know my mom still spends time with him.
  • Shadowshif@xanga

    I just feel the need to say the Monster In Law pic was a nice touch for this articale since it pretty much had the SAME problem....

  • Sign in to Comment

  • Give eProps (?)

About the Author

  • TheDailyDane
    • From: TheDailyDane
    • About Me: I'm Dane and I'm 20. Follow me on Twitter @danefeldman. I am a huge supporter of long-term relationships. What's the fun in knowing something will end in a week? Stick around for some long-term bloggin'.
    Stats: This Week All Time
    Posts: 0 82
    Views: 0 280949
    Comments: 0 2595
    View all posts by TheDailyDane

Tags

Who recommended?

Who gave the eProps?

2 eProps from: