Tuesday, 24 May 2011
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Keepin' the Marriage Real
As a child, whenever my parents would bicker I would cry and run to my room. Later, my parents would have to remind me that they weren't fighting, but rather arguing over which lettuce to use in the salad. These types of arguments wouldn't lead to divorce, they promised. However, it took me until I was in high school to really understand exactly why my parents could promise me that they would never divorce: they are best friends. In over thirty years of marriage, my parents have never ceased to entertain each other.
A big part of this has to do with the fact that they enjoy a lot of the same activities. Not only that, but they are active. For 20 years, my parents have belonged to an athletic club near our home in New Jersey. At the club, they play tennis together and have created a community of friends for themselves. They not only share the sport, but they share friends. They go out with their tennis friends as a couple, rather than having separate groups of friends. Their friends from the tennis club are all couples, as well.
My parents also play golf together and have done so for many years. My dad is retired and my mom has enough seniority in her job that she can take off work fairly regularly to spend the day golfing with my dad. This way, they share a day together while getting exercise (and exercise is proven to make people happier:endorphins!). Separate from their tennis friends, my parents also have golf friends that they spend time with regularly. This allows them to get a good deal of variety in their social life.
Not only do my parents play sports together, but they watch sports together, too. My mother is probably the most avid female Yankee fan alive, which is something my father adores. They just keep buying bigger TVs to watch Derek on, and believe me-- no one does homework in my house when the Yankees are in post-season. There's way too much screaming going on. In addition to watching the Yanks together, my parents also watch football (although my mother is a bigger football fan than my father), golf, tennis, hockey, and basketball. I consider my father a pretty lucky guy in this case.
But my father isn't the only one who lucks out in this relationship. See, my mother's pretty lucky, too. My dad loves to cook (and he cleans and does laundry too!). My parents eat dinner together nearly every night of the week sitting down at the dining room table with a bottle of wine. Some people say a weekly date night is the way to keep it fresh. My parents have date night every night.
I guess I never really thought about it until now, but my parents seem to have the ideal relationship and I think they owe a lot of this to the fact that they share so many interactive interests.
Are your parents still together? What do you think makes their relationship work?
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About the Author
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- From: TheDailyDane
- About Me: I'm Dane and I'm 20. Follow me on Twitter @danefeldman. I am a huge supporter of long-term relationships. What's the fun in knowing something will end in a week? Stick around for some long-term bloggin'.
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Comments (24)
Seems like they worked out their differences early on. Most people can't wait to get divorced by the time their kids are grown. I think choosing the right partner comes from having the right reasons for dating them. If you choose wisely, you will probly be happy. Problem is, a lot of people date and then get married for all the wrong reasons or they take things too quickly.
Glad your parents have a great relationship. They're one less couple on the divorce statistics.
My parents are still together. They aren't super lovey-dovey, but they are very supportive of each other. My mom has more patience with my dad than I've ever seen anywhere, and my dad does little things for my mom all the time that shows her she's special to him. They're a great example of love for me, and I'm so thankful for that. They do go on dates a lot more often though, now that the kids are out of the house :)
Aw, the story about your parents is so cute. My parents are still together (dad-64 and mom-54?), despite a whole lot of crap that went on for a few years. They dated for 7 years before getting marrried and have been married for almost...24 years? Pretty cool. I'm glad they're still together. They argue over dumb stuff like married couples do, though... Like, the primary thing they argue over is whether the windows and curtains are opened or closed XD
So sweet - your parents sound like a lovely couple! Unfortunately my parents have been divorced most of my life.
P.S. I love the Hanks!
I'm glad to hear that your parents are very happily married. It's very rare you hear couples that stay married for this long, and I only wish mine would have worked out that way.
My parents divorced in March of last year, because my mother finally had enough of my father's controlling, abusive ways. Truth be told it was the best thing that ever happened to her. She's so much happier now without that man in his life (and as it turns out he died 10 months later, so there's room for speculation as to whether or not that was preparatory for that, LOL).
That's beautiful... My parent's are no longer together.. They are both very selfish people and both want to control everyone around them... They are both remarried but not happy unless they can control their partner... :/
Makes you sad to watch...
My parents are still together, both of my grandparents, my great grandparents.
And all of their marriages work(ed) because they have faith: in their relationship, in each other, and in God.
My dad died last October, but had that not happened, they'd still be together, no question. They were such a unit, a team, and they adored each other. My dad kept my mom grounded, and my mom helped my dad get a little crazy sometimes, and they just worked. They were an awesome example of a give-and-take relationship, and my mom maintains that she'll never enter into another relationship--my dad was it for her, and having had such a wonderful relationship, she's content to spend the rest of her life as an independent woman, mother, and grandmother (well, grandmother eventually).
-Katie
My parents are still together. I think it works because they are so different. My mom brings out my dads adventure and my dad gives my mom peace. They.... complete each other as cliche as that is.
Mine are still together. Ever since my brother and I have gotten out of the house for school or because we have our own place, they've been spending more time together (going on trips, going to the fitness club, dinners, etc.). Even though there are times when they do disagree on things, they never really bicker for so long or enough that it might cause a divorce.
This is a nice story :)
My mom passed away in August of 09, but she'd still have been with my dad if she were alive today. I don't know how I felt about their relationship... maybe it was more out of convenience than support... but they loved each other, I guess.
My parents are still together, and they'll celebrate their 30th anniversary soon. I know that they love each other, but they argue a good amount.
Aw, so cute. I hope to have something like this!
I love this! Marriages like this seem so few and far between these days... but one needs to hear this kind of thing every now and then, to keep hope alive that marriage isn't a total joke these days, and an inevitable path to divorce and fun times planning multiple future weddings. (I am referring to my friends who say they'd do their second wedding cheap and laid-back, because the first one is the only one allowed to be lavish, otherwise it's trashy"... :) I shall aspire to this sort of sharing in a relationship. Thanks for this!
That's so cute.
My parents will have been married for 30 years coming this June. I rarely see them all lovey-dovey or anything (though I live overseas now so I don't even know), but I can also tell that divorce is simply not an option for them. This post reminds me that I should probably ask my parents what's been up ever since my brother and I moved out last year. Just this morning my dad said that he and my mom both had the day off and that they were going out for breakfast :)
As for arguing, I rarely heard them argue when I was little, but when I did I'd get scared...I think once I even cried and told them to stop. But it used to happen only once in a blue moon as a kid; now it's my mom getting mad when my dad does something wrong, lol.
my parents were probably never friends or emotionally able to be married. it didn't last long.
but my bf and I are best buddies and he wants that because when his parents remarried they each wanted someone that they could be best friends with
Aw, I love this article. <3
My parents are not together. They waited until my brother and I were old enough to get divorced, which was their biggest parenting mistake. Some people can work out their differences, they just don't so they get divorced, which hurts the children. Others (like my parents) would have been SO MUCH BETTER OFF getting divorced in the beginning. It hurt us more to see them together. What 8 year old wishes their parents would split up? I DID.
However, I feel very lucky in my adult life. I'm getting married in 17 days and even though there is no way to tell how things will be 20 years from now, I feel like we're similar to your parents. We enjoy the same things, WE BOTH LOVE SPORTS (football season is insane), we make each other laugh constantly, we share the same opinions on the major issues (politics, religion, raising children), we share similar dreams and goals, we share a common group of friends that we're always involved with, and we live together so great because we have a balance. He's my best friend, I say it all the time.
I hope we end up like your parents. :)
It was really nice to read this. Despite the wonderful relationship my parents have, I rarely see it elsewhere. Every boyfriend I've ever had (which is more than a you can count on one hand) has parents that are divorced.
Seeing it so often scares me; I want a life partner. I want to know that my future partner would fight with me to the bitter end to save the marriage.
My parents weren't always a happy couple. When my siblings and I were kids,they faught often, MEAN fights. There would be times where my mom would stop talking to my dad for days, times when my dad would leave the house for the night. These incidents always ruffled me.
But they worked through it somehow. And now they're closer than ever. My dad still kisses my mom on the head from time to time. My mom calls my dad by his affectionate nickname, telling him how he's her besfriend.
At least a couple times a month my dad visits my mom on her lunchbreak and they have lunch together.
Like I said, they still have their fights. They can still be cruel to one another and really hurt each other. But in the end they love each other and want to continue their lives together.
I am so happy to see so many people tell me that their parents are still together! When I wrote this, I was feeling like maybe my parents are some of the only ones left.
Maybe the problem is that we don't hear about the good stuff?To those of you with divorced parents, I hope this truly does inspire you. I think it's really important to look elsewhere for relationship role models. If all you ever know is what you see in your own home, you may not learn how to be conducive to happy relationships. They exist!
My parents are no longer together.
I hope I find a guy that I can have that great of a relationship with!
my parents are together and these days, my mom keeps saying that if she was left without him, she won't "survive" it. I wish she wouldn't say such morbid statements..........
anyway, they have the same taste in music and poets. my mom is a traditional Mom/Wife and my dad has NEVER remembered their wedding anniversary or bought my mom a bouquet of flowers; instead of antagonizing him for his faults, she has come to accept that my dad just doesn't, it's nothing personal. they don't go out on dates. they don't buy gifts for each other. they don't write each other cards or letters. and yes, they still fight here and there, esp. when my mom's quiet, docile personality took a turn during menopause and he got freaked out. but they're happy. my mom has never regretted her choice in marrying my dad and my dad still calls my mom "lovely lady" sometimes for fun or affectionate gesture. when i was little, when asked what sort of relationship I want to have when i grow up; i've said one like my parents.
i think i have one budding with my fiance but we're different from my parents' relationship. we don't have the same taste in music or poets, he hates Margaret Atwood or anything historical fiction; I can't handle his sci-fi fantasy fiction, and i do pick my books by their cover most times than not. but we both love food, travelling and being together. he's become one of my dearest, closest best friends. and I hope it's not just our PARENTS' generations that have achieved the Happily Ever After and Onward Living. :smile:
That does sound like a good relationship. I know what keeps me and my wife together: our covenant with God. We have pretty much a perfect relationship now, but we've had rough spots, and God has kept us together. I don't mean like a common interest in God. I mean He actively kept us together. Other than that, yeah, we're best friends. We enjoy a lot of the same things, get along well, make each other laugh, and all that good stuff. I don't know how anyone could marry someone without a solid friendship.
I definitely think its important to have your significant other be your best friend... you definitely need a solid friendship beyond all the couple stuff to make something last!
your parents sound like they have a great relationship, how awesome! :)