Monday, 23 May 2011
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I Fell For My Boyfriend's Best Friend
A few years ago, I was dating what I thought was my dream guy. Unlike the boyfriend before him (who was my first boyfriend and broke my in-puppy-love little heart, I might add), he was gorgeous, he had great style and, something that was very important to me in my high-school eyes, he had cool friends.Yes, this guy, Joey, was the best remedy for a broken heart. After all, they say, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Except, I was in high school, so instead of under, it was more like a really snug make-out session.
Anyway, I thought Joey was hot stuff. I went from being in a post-breakup depression, eating an entire bag of Nestle's Crunch with Caramel, to hanging out with my new boyfriend, and combining our groups of friends (which was easy, because a friend of mine introduced us to begin with).
Everything was going great with Joey and yet, Chris, his best friend, intrigued me. He seemed to move to the beat of his own drum. He was deeper than Joey, just as good-looking, and had a completely different style. He was funny and made me laugh, and was really, genuinely nice. There was something about him that I liked, I knew that much. And it was something that Joey didn't have – I knew that, too.
Chris and I started off slowly chatting online here and there. Then that became talking online every day. Then I went online specifically to talk to him. Then we exchanged phone numbers, and we texted. We texted throughout the entire schoolday, and then afterwards. Because of him, I learned how to text without looking at my Nokia (old school, I know).We called each other “friends.” I felt terrible because I knew Joey liked me, but more importantly, I knew he loved his best friend, Chris. I may have felt bad, but I continued to do it.
I would hang up with Joey and immediately call Chris. Even though it was clear who I was actually having a relationship with, I was still in denial. I couldn’t break up with Joey. Who knows, maybe I secretly liked the fact that two guys liked me. When Chris reached the point of having all-night phone conversations, I knew I had to break it off with my boyfriend and trade him in for someone I clearly liked so much more, but how?...I called Joey up one day and told him I couldn’t take being in a relationship where I felt neglected. I stressed the fact that he was always with or talking to his friends, instead of shedding light on the fact that I was always talking to his friend.
The break-up went pretty smoothly – until, of course, I got the expected phone call when he found out about me and Chris. Joey was incredulous. He couldn’t believe that we would do such a thing to him. He completely ignored the fact that he had welcomed our break-up, and now focused on how shocked and hurt he was. He called me names I had never heard of before, and spread false rumors about me to his friends at school. It was horrible.
Luckily for me I had my new boyfriend’s shoulder to lean on.
By the way, for all inquiring minds: I did not completely break up a friendship. They did end up becoming friends again (never as close, of course, but what are you gonna do?)
Have you ever liked your boyfriend's friend more than him? Did you break up with your boyfriend, or try to suppress your feelings for his friend?
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About the Author
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- From: Jenn
- About Me: I have been on more bad dates than I have fingers and toes to count on -- and I'm only in my early twenties! I laugh when I watch 'Sex & the City,' because I've had so many dysfunctional relationships that they might as well as made me their 5th friend. Even so, I used to love going on dates with different guys (now I only let one guy take me out on dates), eating great food, and talking on the phone until 3AM. I never did get over the idea that a guy should treat a girl like a princess -- even if I've encountered one too many frogs.
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Comments (156)
So you basically lied about why you were breaking up, he found out, got mad, and then you got all butt-hurt about him getting mad about the fact that you lied in the first place?
Yeah, I'd say you were definitely worth ruining a good friendship over. (That was my sarcasm font.)
You made your boyfriend believe the break up was his fault when you were sneakily slobbering over his best friend? That's low.
@Grtt@xanga - That's kind of the vibe I got, too.
Though, she was in high school. I am going to assume she learned from this. If not, that sounds like a sad life of continuous rebounds trying to find something "better."
You really really want to be hated on Datingish, don't you?
This happened to me too... in 5th grade.
I hope you haven't done this since then! You really should have just told Joey the truth instead of acting like nothing was going on with Chris. Finding out the truth from another source just made you look shady, and I bet Joey thought you had been cheating the whole time or something. It's always best to come clean yourself; otherwise, they'll always be wondering what really happened.
As for me, I've never had this happen (other than in 5th grade, as I already said). If it ever did happen, I would most likely break up with my boyfriend as soon as possible and tell him the real reason for it. Honestly, It's hard to say what I'd do in that situation... it all depends.
The more you blog about your "dating" life, the more I just want to shoot myself in the face with a stick. I think I'd actually gain more brain cells that way..../facewall
@Grtt@xanga - This crap is why I don't date, bro.
@flawsnall@xanga - Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. You can DEFINITELY help who you fall for. At the very least, you can help who you don't fall for. And falling for the best friend of the guy you're dating and handling how she did is pretty damn low.
@Kazydai@mancouch - Yeah? It's a pretty large part of why I'm gay, lol.
hey look, it's the plot of "Something Borrowed," only real.
(for the record, I thought that movie was terrible.)
You seem to have a lot of stories..... but I have a hard time believing all these guys actually like you.
@flawsnall@xanga - The first part of my post was about the whole "falling for someone" thing. The reast was me agreeing with you. I still want that applause, though.
I haven't been in this situation, but my current guy actually wants me to have a threesome with his male best friend, so everybody is in the clear and not sneaking around
in my situation...I only like my original guy and not his best friend, because my guy is hotter and his friend is average:D
Who knows, maybe I secretly liked the fact that two guys liked me. That's exactly what it is, you had low self-esteem and you wanted to feel like you were worth something. I'm not goint to judge you too much because I might be in that situtation one day, but I do know you should have kept the distance between yourself and Chris and you should have gotten to know Joey better before jumping to conclusions.
@Grtt@xanga - Yeah pretty much. Classy.
Wow, and you were surprised that he was mad and calling you name?
Incredible. I'd say you and chris are at fault here, he shouldn't have went around his best friend, and you shouldn't have went around your boyfriend. Also, you ever think that maybe Joey was just trying to be a nice guy and give you the benefit of the doubt when you talked to Chris, that you wouldn't cheat on him or anything. Maybe he did notice, but just wanted to give you space to be friends with who you wanted. Not expecting that you would betray him. "Luckily for me I had my new boyfriend’s shoulder to lean on."... Really? I hope he had a second thought and chose to be a real friend to Joey by breaking up with you... I'm assuming it didn't happen like that though. How can you even say that though? You can alleviate all guilt upon yourself about betraying someones trust and hurting them deeply, simply by cuddling up to some guy? What kind of person are you? Wow.ouch damn girl.... the comments suck!!
haha... i won't say anything bad because I'm sure guys have done the same thing to you or worse. Even your about me backs it up ! lol....
have fun but try not to hurt guys . !
For all you haters, maybe Chris is her soul mate! You don't know. I've been cheated on numerous times but I don't condem people for it like you all are. If it wasn't right with Joey well oh well, was she right for going out with his best friend? Maybe not, but that was her decision to do so.
I've been in tough situations like you too! Sometimes I just don't know what to do and maybe flip a dime but ether way its gonna be a tough decision. Hope you and Chris turned out well!
congrats???
I've liked a boyfriend's bestie before. HOT MESS and nothing good will ever come of it. I was in high school at the time, though, and it was my first long-term relationship, so I was a huge noob.
However, in my current relationship, about a year ago, I started talking to one of my boyfriend's friends and felt there was the possibility of me crushing on him in time, so I told my boyfriend and I stopped talking to that friend. The bf was so sad, I felt awful for saying anything :( But it was just a good way to prevent anything undesirable from happening!
Stop the lies....... why is it so hard to just tell people the truth?!
Wow. What I'm most baffled by is how you have the nerve to get indignant at his hurt that he was betrayed by the two people he should have been able to trust the most. I have done stupid, disrespectful things like this before, but I felt awful afterward and used it as a key that my character and integrity needed some work, not that I needed a "deeper" guy to cuddle up to.
I'm not surprised that you totally <3 Sex and the City, because you act just like them. The issue with that is that theirs is not a realistic way to live and expect to keep your self-respect and the respect of others, not to mention basic happiness and satisfaction with a partner.
*sigh* All I can say is @Grtt@xanga - @lastlyfirst@xanga - @Kazydai@mancouch - @Dustin_wind@xanga - not all women are like that. It's a pretty big percentage though. Sometimes I feel really bad for what guys have to put up with in women. Grtt has solved it though. :) Kazydai is right, you definitely can help who you fall for if you have mental strength and self-awareness.