Monday, 23 May 2011
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Is it Okay to Watch Pornography While in a Relationship?
I've been with my boyfriend for almost six months now. It is a very serious relationship, and there is no doubt in my mind that I could marry this man. I am his first girlfriend, so he used to watch porn to get off. About 2-3 months ago, I asked him not to watch it. It makes me uncomfortable to know that my boyfriend is getting off by watching another naked girl. Maybe it's just me, but I just don't see the attraction to pornography.Was it wrong of me to ask him that? How do you feel about it?
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- From: avoirvie@xanga
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Comments (133)
I laughed when I saw that "5 More Ways to Destroy a Relationship" was suggested as a related post.
Yeah, that about sums it up.
I, personally, don't see the problem with porn. As long as its not an addiction and taking away from your intimate time with each other, I think its fine. It also kind of depends on how he feels about it. If he is fine not watching it, then maybe its not an issue that you asked. If he is frustrated that he can't watch it, then maybe stopping him will cause problems or cause him to lie. I enjoy porn, and would enjoy watching it with my significant other...but obviously not everyone feels the same way.
Pfft, I'm okay with it. I'm secure with our relationship. I don't think he watches it much anymore since he has me but even if he does watch it when we're away during the summer I'm okay with it because I know he's with me and not some video. If the guy really preferred porn to me, he wouldn't be with me.
Uh, depends on how you both feel about it I guess. In this case, I don't think that it was wrong to ask him to stop lol
If you're not okay with it, then he shouldn't do it. That's up to you, not xanga bloggers.
it depends on the relationship... how uncomfortable are you with it verse how comfortable he is with it. i like to drink, puke, fall down, pass out... your uncomfortable with that so we might have a talk..at the end of such a talk i then go out drink, puke, fall down, pass out... would it be a deal breaker? like i say it depends on the relationship.
I think it's okay as long as it doesn't interfere with your relationship. However, in each relationship you have your standards and what you will accept versus what you will not, so it's very individualistic to your needs and your boyfriend's... so, nobody can answer this (regarding YOUR relationship) but you two. I suppose it's good to get other opinions, however
i used to feel this way but got over it as soon as i got into watching it myself. so now that i watch it, i totally see the appeal of it and dont understand why i made a big deal of it in the past. its just visual stimulation that lets you get off easy. when you are done, you are done. go about your day lol. you dont even consider what you watched throughout your day. so i say lay off the guy. let him masturbate to porn. making rules to what he can or cant do when he masturbates isone of the worst and most annoying things you can do. sure you can try to volunteer your services when he is horny, but you cant always be around. plus sometimes one doesnt want to mess with the foreplay of sex or even a partner. they just want to get off without all the other stuff. so leave him alone. let him masturbate however he wants. this is one thing you should leave him alone about and get over. hes gonna do it anyway at that. lol. i know i would keep doing it anyway if my SO told me not to diddle to porn or others throguh my imagination. its my solo ME time.
pardon for being blunt, but unless your relationship is physical as well as emotional, its better than him breaking up because of abstinence. i am all for monogamy before sex, but we need to cope somehow.
If you feel that it's wrong for him to get off of another girl who is naked, maybe replaced that naked girl with you? Depending on how comfortable you are, of course, with you showing your body to him. Maybe take some suggestive photos of yourself and hide them somewhere for him to find. At least find a way to give a suitable replacement for porn. If you're going to tell him to stop looking at porn, at least offer an alternative for him.
I mean, all relationships are different just as all people are. If it's something you feel really strongly about I would try actually discussing it. Maybe there's a happy medium. But I think restricting things in a relationship is poison.
I think you should probably listen to the comments above.
Why be in a relationship with someone when you already are telling them what they can't do? There are indeed guys out there that do not watch porn if you are looking for that kind of guy. Good Luck!
Porn is awesome. Let him watch it, unless you're willing to do ALL of the things those girls are. Which I doubt.
Nope, you are right.
It is wrong...but few men will give it up. I am fortunate to be with a guy who has not been exposed to it, because he came from a very sheltered homeschool family. He doesn't want to even touch it for fear of becoming addicted.
Edit: Just for the record..I did not bring up my fiance to try to seem somehow "better". I am not better--in fact, I have struggled some with masturbation/reading erotica. But I wanted to show that there are examples of guys who don't watch porn (or at least try not to regularly). He used to masturbate to R-rated movie scenes in the past because that's all he could get away with--but he got accountability because he wanted to stop, and now he's clean. Not that he never, ever struggles with that--but he fights against it. That means a lot to me--and it should encourage you that it's possible.
Didn't bother me at all in past relationships. Maybe try watching it together sometime?
Will you all just shut the fuck up and stop complaining? Guys watch porn. Okay? It doesn't mean he doesn't love you or doesn't find you sexy or attractive. The point is, you can't always be there when he's horny. Porn is just fantasy, it doesn't mean anything. As long as he's not, say, refusing to have sex with you in favor of watching porn and jerking it, then it's perfectly normal. So relax.
Yeah, you're just setting yourself up to get lied to and closing the lines of honest communication
Seriously.
telling someone not to do something is a reeeeally great way to make him/her resent you. you should've checked with us before you said anything.
@AsylumBlue - hahaha i didn't get that as a recommendation, but i lol'ed when i read this.
if it bothers you then he should stop. some couples are ok with the other one watching porn, some aren't. just like some couples swing and have threesomes. what's right for some is not right for all.
i asked my boyfriend to stop watching porn a couple years ago. he says he did. (after a couple tries...) and i haven't seen anything to suspect otherwise. (he could be reaaalllly good at hiding it, who knows) either way, our relationship has improved greatly since then and he's more in love with me than ever. our sex life is better too.
explain to him how you feel, how is actions make you feel. tell him to come to you for sex before he masterbated to random naked women on the internet. do some research to back up your position. (there are plenty of studies out there that show the negative effects of porn) like i said, some couples are fine with it, but plenty aren't. don't let anyone peer pressure you into ignoring your feelings.
@AsylumBlue - I disagree. Every so often, yeah, I can't peg porn as a bad thing. But if your guy PREFERS it over you, it is a problem. I had a friend tell me I looked like so and so pornstar once, and later asked my bf who the hell that was. He laughed, told me he really hasn't watched porn since we've been together, and has NO fucking idea who it was. Porn vs the real thing is like trading gold for silver. Why the hell would you?
Like I said above, if it's occasional, whatever, situations happen and sometimes things are different and sometimes it's good for a change. I won't knock my boy if I catch a website in his history on the random occasion. But my boyfriend works full time, I work full time, and I'll be damned if the little time we get together after upkeeping the house and the bills is supplemented with porn, or affected by it. Sex is our thing. It's not random people on a screen. It's not getting off to someone wishing they were there, the only thing keeping it held back from 'cheating' status being the lack of physical presence- our sex life is OURS, and that's probably why it's so fucking amazing. When we dated long distance for two years, yeah, watch whatever you want, because I'm not there. But now that we've lived together for two years and I am there every night, porn has taken the rightful place it belongs: second shelf.
I'm fortunate enough that if I did specifically ask my boy not to watch porn, he wouldn't. It would bug me in excess. I won't lie. But I don't have that problem and you really shouldn't have to worry about it. Unless porn is actively INTERFERING with your sex life- i.e. porn impotence issues, he treats you like nothing but a sex doll to use while his thoughts are elsewhere, etc- then let it go. He will probably choose you, every single time. Be willing. Work with him to excite him. He should want you over porn to begin with.
I don't understand how these things ever become big problems. They shouldn't. It *would* bug me if he choose porn over me time and time again- (lets me honest, having no sex life with your lover would bug ANYONE) but let it go if it's a small thing. Just watch it. There's extremes of everything. I don't think it would ruin your relationship, as long as you take a REASONABLE stance on it.