Monday, 23 May 2011
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Textual Attraction-partie un
So, when pondering what my first blog post should be about, the prevalence of texting in relationships was the first thing to come to mind. To be honest, I don't know exactly why this subject was at the forefront because I haven't been losing sleep over it or anything, but I'm sure it has to do with the fact that my phone has essentially decided to render itself useless since for the last two days it has lost its texting ability.
I entitled it this way because there are a couple but since I'm sure you aren't interested in reading a dating thesis paper, I'll break the "textual attraction" topic down in a multipart mini series of sorts.
But anyway, lets return to the subject at hand- As a single girl in her early 20s, I am no stranger to texting. I love texting--its easy, its fast, and most of all its convenient. My issue with texting is that it takes away from some of . In most situations, it is the guy who takes initiative-he approaches her, her asks for her number, and he calls/text first.
Seeing as I am not a guy, I don't know for sure, my guess would be that most guys prefer texting as the initial form of communication because it takes some of the pressure off. You simply send her a "Hey..What's up?" and hopefully things flow from there.
I remember back in the pretextoric era, when I first starting dating, a guy would get your number and say "I'll call you" and God willing, he did and a 2 hour euphoria-inducing conversation that would lull you to sleep with a smile on your face would ensue ( what...too gushy for you?). But these days, instances such as these seem like small luxuries.
That epic first phone call has been replaced by texting. Getting a text can never replace that nervous giggly feeling you get when you see the name of the person you like pop up on your phone's screen and then you get the instant gratification of hearing their voice and carrying on a realtime conversation.
Don't get me wrong, good morning texts are great as are those midday "I miss you" texts *swoon*, but I guarantee any that are texted are million times more umm shall we say potent when spoken.That being the case, if you're at home and/or you have the time, why not just take opportunity to pick up the phone and call that special someone?
Some people have the excuse of "Im not really a phone person" or "I don't have the time to call" and that may very well be true, but my question then for those of you who this situation is applicable is, if texting didn't exist, how would go about communicating with your would be beau?
So there are no misconceptions, I feel that I must mention I would never advocate forcing someone to call because lets face it--holding a conversation with the terminally phonephobic is BRUTAL! Like a brazilian tweeze (if such a horrible thing existed) brutal...okay, maybe not THAT bad, but you get the idea--its uncomfortable and awkward for both people. However, I don't think hinting that you enjoy the occasional nice phone call is such a bad thing.
What's your take on that idea?
In a world where we have dozens of ways to stay connect--email, Facebook, IM, etc--it seems to me as if we're growing less and less direct in how we relate to one another. Besides being face to face, Phone calls still remain the most intimate way of communicating.
So, for 3 guys that may stumble upon this blog, I'd like to remind you that us womenfolk are a visceral creature-we like to feel your scruff on our face (well sorta), to smell your cologne, and of course, to hear that oh so manly voice of yours spewing all those sweet nothings we don't always believe, but we love hearing anyway. :)
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- From: Cassie
- Name: Cassie
- Location: New York City, New York, United States
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Comments (25)
I find that I'm normally not one to want to bother picking up a phone and dialing numbers, because I don't want to bother people with the ringing. Besides, it seems like everyone just prefers to text anyway.
I think I feel this way because I've personally been bothered by constantly getting phone calls before. At this point, I pick and choose who gets to have my number.
With all of that said, I have to admit that once I do get on the phone with someone, I don't ever shut up. That annoying call can turn into 3-4 hours of amazing, funny conversations.
Wow, this is sadly true. I do remember the days of the excitement of a late night phone call and going to sleep with a smile on my face. That was a long time ago.. who knows when the next time that will be is. :/
im one of those non phone people lol. its because im not much of a vocal person. i just dislike talking. i speak when needed. texting is nice cuz while im too lazy to chat, im not too lazy to make my fingers move across my phones letters and type away. its easy and i cant stop talking whenever i want instead of the "okay i gotta go now, bye" at the end of phone calls. sometimes i feel trapped with calls and dont wanna be rude and get off the phone. lol. thats actually my biggest issue come to think of it... anyway. when it comes to guys i like, i find i prefer to only text about meeting up somewhere. but full conversations should be by phone with them cuz texting causes issues. plus i always rethink what i types like 3x lol. so ya, friends and family texts unless its something important or needed to be said asap, then call or see them. guys, text to a minimum, preferred human contact. lol
are you talking about very early dating phase, or relationship phase? i would strongly prefer to call but the odds of a girl picking up the phone when it's a random number are small...and they're even smaller if i gave her my number at the time we met, too. then i have to wonder, do i leave a voicemail or not? if yes, i'll come across as too needy. if not, maybe she's not the type to return a call without a voicemail...or maybe she's on the train when i call, and won't even see the missed call (no signal). at least with a text, i know she got it, and i know where i stand based on her response (or lack thereof).
@ShirleyD@xanga - LOL I also have that "hmmm maybe I should rephrase that" moment with texting. thats largely because tone and intentions sometimes can not be conveyed through text and that leads to TROUBLE! But like I said, if you're not a phone person than it probably is better you keep calls to a minimum. to avoid awkward pauses...people should do what works for them and their partner if there is such a happy medium.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - I was referring to in the beginning. Normally I would recommend sending a introductory text with your name so she recognizes the number and then after that you can call if you feel comfortable doing so. I would leave a very short VM just in case if she doesn't answer because as you said she may have been somewhere where there isn't a signal such as in the subway. There is actually a small percentage of the time where people don't receive texts so im not so sure of if the "1 text and Im done" policy
In person > Phone call > Texting
I REALLY miss phonecalls and voicemails.
some people have obnoxious voices, so that is another reason that I don't really want to talk to them for long on the phone, because I can't stand their voice>_< do I just tell them that...I'm a phone person, but I can't stand your voice
lol or if they have a monotone boring voice, then I prefer texting, because if I get bored, I can say that I was too tired and fell asleep if I don't reply back:D I'm not the only person, who has used these excuses. if I look forward to hearing the particular person's voice, I'll quickly pick up the phone. I remember how I used to talk on the home phone for hours while the phone's curly cord tangled and I'd lay on the couch and somehow end up curled in a ball sitting on the carpet as I giggled into the phone because his sexy deep voice made my heart palpitate
@Cassie - yes you're right, my old policy was 1 text, now i do 2. things slip through the cracks sometimes, even for me (and i'm super anal about responding to things).
like i said, i do usually text at that moment so she gets my number, but i think that if she does store it, she's less likely to pick it up next time i call. of course, there's no way to really test this hypothesis though.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Yea 2 I believe is good. the odds of her overlooking another text is SLIM. Why would she be less likely to pick up? I thought the whole point of initially txting a girl was so to eliminate the possibility that she wouldn't pick up based on the notion she didnt recognize the number...
@Cassie - it would violate the first law of dating dynamics if she showed interest after i showed interest. you know, perpetual motion and all that junk. (if you're not an engineering dork--or even if you are--you won't find that funny.)
more seriously, i think that it might be something like "oh i know who this is and he's not high on my priority list (because he's not a close friend/family member) so i'll let him leave a message and if i feel like it, i'll call back later." and then, of course, there's the vast population of girls that give out their number even when not interested.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Arghh physics was my downfall, but for some reason Newton's cradle came to mind when you said that perpetual motion bit...am i even in the right realm? lol. anyway you did bring up some valid things. Touche!..especially the part about women who give out their #s even when not interested. I hope to eventually write a blog about how men approach women..which sometimes leads to the exchange of numbers even if one party isn't all that interested. Look out for it!
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - @Cassie -
I put a curve ball in the mix by always asking for a girl's email address instead of a phone number. I always get positive results from the intrigue.
Girls usually respond with something like:
Them: I've never had a guy ask me for my email address before.
Me: I usually ask for an email address (gchat) because I know some people don't feel comfortable giving numbers out to strangers.
It actually works really well. :D And... I get their numbers from our gchat convos afterwards; so one way or another I defeat the whole "should I txt or call first" dilemma.
I recently read an article and a book on dating and they both said that if the only way a guy ever contacts you is through text and online, it's a red flag. Thinking about the past year or two of my dating career, I have to say that is pretty accurate. A guy who never calls or resists taking a call, is a guy who is unavailable in other ways too. That has truly been my experience. A guy that is really into me wants to hear my voice at some point in his day. He makes time, and likes to check in and see how I am doing. I LOVE texts and they are super useful, fun, witty, etc, but they are not a replacement for a phone call with that super special person. The people, male and female, that are truly interested in having me in their lives, make time to pick up the phone and call.
i know this has nothing to do with the topic but if that's you in the profile picture, you look amazing.
@sssecret_x@xanga - agree!
@SliverLines@xanga - It is me..definitely on one of my better days lol. But I appreciate the compliment. Thanks!
@ccccourage@xanga - I couldn't agree more. As helpful and as wonderful texting is, if that's the SOLE way of communicating, something just isn't right.
@xXDC_luyouXx - That's a very courageous thing to do. If i were a guy, I'd worry that she'd hardly come online or would go invisible if the case was she wasn't actually interested. But if its been working for you, I'm glad. I suppose that a girl would in fact be more comfortable giving out her number and engaging in a phonecall if she feels like she already knows a few things about you.
@Cassie - " If i were a guy, I'd worry that she'd hardly come online or would go invisible if the case was she wasn't actually interested."
It's no different then worrying about a girl giving a false phone number or not answering a phone if in actually she wasn't interested.
As a side-note, all of this will soon be moot and in another century or two, it will be common for women not place the burden on men to call, etc. If you want to hear someone's voice... then YOU (women) call and not be selfish by expecting men to call you.
I wish I could do face to face with my guy, but were long distance. :\ We do a phone call once every week or so, and texting all the other times. Just cause both of us fail at talking on the phone. Lol.
my boyfriend is a big texter, i wish it were different though
i mean it's sweet when he texts me hi in the morning but it means so much when he calls me up to ask how i'm doing. hearing the words i miss you is worth more than seeing them on a screen.
if he couldn't call or if he was working, it's cute when he texts because he's communicating with me as much as he can but if he's at home or not busy, he should call instead of text.
i don't like what technology has done to dating. with texting, you can't sense emotions or how excited someone is to hear your voice or hear them laugh when you say something or hear them aw when you say something sweet. i've thought about discontinuing texting just so people can have actual conversations instead of small talk. weather talking is a waste of time imo.
uhh yea no, i prefer texts.
Welcome to Lovelyish Cassie!
As long as you don't try to tell us how you a cool girlfriend and better than us or you don't date 2 guys at once and confuse their names, we are happy to see you wonderful posts!