Sunday, 22 May 2011
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Should I Leave Him Because I'M a Bad Girlfriend?
I'm 15 years old and I live with my aunt because my living situation with my parents wasn't going well. I visit my parents every weekend, they live 2 hours away. I have the most wonderful boyfriend in the world, in the town where my aunt and I live. He makes me dinner, doesn't pressure me into anything that I don't want to do, gives me foot massages, treats me like a queen and holds my hair while still loving me when I drink too much and puke everywhere..Plus his dad is a very famous chef in Toronto. We are very happy, and for the first time in a long time I feel like I've found something good, something real.
The problem is, I never get to spend time with him. I go back to my old town every weekend, which I know he worries about. I'm also constantly getting in trouble with my aunt, so I'm currently grounded from his house and sometimes I get him in trouble. I feel like I'm being a bad girlfriend, and he doesn't deserve that. I've talked about this with him and he swears he still wants to be with me, but I'm unsure.
Should I leave him for his own good, or should I stay with him because that's what he says makes him happy? HELP.
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About the Author
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- From: danaxobelle@xanga
- Name: danaxobelle
- About Me: hi, i'm dana. i'm 15 years old, and i live for my friends and my family. i'm typical, i go out, i party and have fun. this blog is a reflection of me, so enjoy! <3
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Comments (76)
Do what makes you happy. Don't stay with him because it will make him happy. You could talk on the phone while you're at your parents so you two can still talk. I don't think you're really a bad girlfriend, you just have a busy life. It's not really a reason to break up with someone, but if you feel like you need to...then go for it.
If you dump him, you're a bitch. If he felt you're a "bad girlfriend", he'd be doing the dumping.
if you fear you're a bad girlfriend, then why don't you try to change what you think is hurting him? we're encountering the changing yourself for someone else taboo, but honestly, if you love someone, i think you should be willing to change for them within reason - if your behavior is hurtful or detrimental, improve it. what do you do to get yourself and him in trouble? stop doing it!
Stay true to yourself, and stay true to others. if you feel better leaving him, than do so, if you need time to yourself say so. But don't leave him hanging there because by you being indecisive while his feelings grow stronger for you with each waking moment, will only hurt him more in the end.
but in the end, you do what is right to you, because at the end of the day, you should be able to look yourself in the mirror and say; I did the right thing. Its not the always the best feeling, but its the right feeling that makes it better. if you want it to work, then change, if you don't want to change, you know the consequences of your actions.
I don't think you should dump him. I think you're being a little too hard on yourself. If HE'S unhappy, HE should tell you and HE should be the one taking control of it, not you. What sense is there to dump someone because you feel you don't deserve them? And then spending the rest of your life blaming your personality on your own loneliness?
If I ever managed to get with someone who treated me like the way you describe your boyfriend treats you, a guy I felt like I didn't deserve, I would clutch on to him with every bit of energy I possess.
It also sounds like you need more confidence in yourself. You're probably a wonderful person going through a rough time, and I bet your boyfriend recognises this. You're also not the bad person here, you did everything you could by talking to him about it. That's all you can do. Dumping him would cross the line, for sure. After all, he could be being 100% genuine, in which case he's done nothing wrong and dumping him would just be cruel.
Good luck in what you decide to do. Get more confidence in yourself though, seriously.
Maybe if you stopped doing stupid shit, you'd have more time to be a better girlfriend. The choice is yours whether or not to break up with him, but realize that your behavior is the problem and the only way to have a better relationship is to fix the way you're acting.
I agree with Anonymous. 15 and getting drunk? Sounds like you have the problems here. Grow up and straighten up, then you might actually feel like you deserve him.
Also, you're in the same town as him during the week. You have more time closer to him than you do away. Be good. Be responsible. Do your homework early. Don't get grounded. See him on a weeknight. Problem solved. Sounds like you're just whining about not spending every second with him. Enjoy the time with your parents, too. For all your problems, you will probably outlive them.
That falls into the category of making somebody else's decisions for them. It's up to him to decide if you're a good girlfriend or not. You decide if he is a good boyfriend. "I'm going to protect you from myself" is not a good way to be.
I don't think so. It sounds like you are going through a hard time and maybe you need someone that truly cares to help you through it.
I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago because I felt like I was making him miserable even though he claims he still loves me. It's a hard choice to make, and I am broken about it; I feel as if I have lost my only lifeline. If he is there for you and claims to still be happy with you despite your troubles, then I say hold onto that as long as possible.
You don't know what is good for him. So follow your heart and worry about your own happiness what makes you feel happy. If you are not happy too busy thinking of his happiness and what is best for him, chances are he might be as well sense that negative energy from you.
If you WANT to be a better gf, try and do what makes yours and his life better. If that means stopping doing whats getting you in trouble -own up and stop getting in trouble. I'd also stop drinking as much if I were you.
Do what feels right to you, but from what you're telling me, you aren't really being such an awful girlfriend. You should talk more about this with your boyfriend before you make any hasty decisions, because why ruin one really good thing in your life because everything else is going wrong? Without him and the stability of a healthy relationship you may even more stressed.
Stay with him if it makes you both happy. And stop getting into so much trouble, you're only 15! If you really think the relationship is worth it, fix whatever behavioral issues you're having so you can see him more.
you should STOP being such a bad kid. apparently you are doing stuff that gets you into so much trouble that your parents couldnt handle you so you got pawned off to an aunt who you are causing problems with too, also getting your boyfriend into trouble. real question is, are you willing to grow the fuck up and stop being such a reckless human being no one wants to be around (except your boyfrined, naturally). cuz the only problem i see, is you.
Don't in get in trouble with your aunt then... and plus, you're 15... you shouldn't be drinking anyways. I started drinking when I was 16, I'm 28 now... and I can tell you I screwed up in high school and college enough that I can't get into any grad school or get a job at any large firm that does background checks (thankfully I did graduate with a BA though). I'm not going to preach, but I do feel strongly that you learn from your mistakes. At the same time, some mistakes can be avoided. You may think it's love now (and maybe it is), but you won't really know if it is or not until all aspects of your life is in your control, meaning you're living on your own, working to support yourself, work/school, and out of your fallback group (aunt/parents). It is only when you're truly self sufficient, and you clearly know what you want while faced with real life pressures... and the guy that you're with truly shines above all this... that's what you're really looking for.
Maybe if you stopped doing whatever that gets you and your boyfriend in trouble, you wouldn't feel this way. You do have control of your own actions. Unless you're constantly bitching at him over irrational things.. then yes, you're a bad girlfriend. And you really shouldn't be drinking at such a young age.
@ShirleyD@xanga - I didn't post this question so you could be a fucking bitch lady.
If you think you're a horrible girlfriend, then change. Stop hurting him. Like...the last time MY boyfriend was holding my hair while I puked? It was horrible. He told me that the only thing I would say was "I'm such a horrible terrible no good person I'm so sorry" overandoverandover again. And that's the way I felt the next morning too. So guess who stopped getting so nasty drunk after that? Me. Cuz I don't want him to have to drive 40 minutes to a party where I'm the only person he knows, but the others went through my phone and found his number cuz I needed someone to take care of me. It sucked, and now it'll never happen again.
See how it works? Don't change WHO YOU ARE, just change some of the things you do.looks like i struck a cord of truth i see. hey now, there is nothing i said that all these other people didnt tell you already. though i dont know why you just added me as your friend on here if im such a bitch. lol. doesnt make any sense. though i stick to my previous statement. its the best thing you can do for everybody, especially yourself. youre only causing your own troubles. and if your old home situation with your parents is causing this rebellion in you, you need to be appreciating your new home before you have no home to go to.
you're 15 frickin' years old you have a long road ahead of you.. you have A LOT of time to find someone he's not the only one! and you're drinking?! wtf are you doing drinking at the age of 15.. you're setting yourself up to fail for sure.. get your shit together
One thing I learned is thinking you're doing the selfless thing may be more selfish. You obviously still have reservations even though he's said he still wants to be with you. If you are trying your best, and if he wants to be with you, and you as well with him, then it can be worked out- In that respect, things get tough...but if you both want it to work *it will theoretically work*.
Of course it involves weighing the pros and cons...but that's something that's on you. Making the choice for someone "for their sake" is selfless superficially..but it's the easy route (and also the limiting and possibly more selfish route relatively speaking). The better route is always to discuss how to change before jumping to the end game.
You don't like the way you act and treat him or whatever? Then discuss ways in which BOTH of you TOGETHER can work on that. Though...It's defiantly a difficult and mature thing to do.
I agree with everyone else. Stop doing things that get you in trouble and don't do things that cause him to get in trouble. If he thought you were a bad girl friend he would leave.
@JinnLedet@xanga - What he said.
You're fifteen and in a young relationship, things like being a "bad girlfriend" do not constitute a break up. He can think for himself and honestly, it's not like there are many expectations at your age.
If you are concerned that you aren't good enough for him, but YOU are happy with him and HE is HAPPY with you, then don't break up with him. I've seen situations like this before...and the person in his situation is like "what? I'm happy...why are you leaving me?" and it ruins something that was perfectly fine.
But if you are unhappy, then do it.