Saturday, 21 May 2011
This is a continuation from the other post which was put up on Lovelyish.
6. NEGATIVISM: Negativity never got anyone anywhere, and it's no different in a relationship. Nitpicking at your boyfriend because he put his dirty socks in the clean hamper, badgering your girlfriend because she sprayed too much hairspray and you can't breathe in the bathroom--these things add up and get, well, annoying to hear constantly. This is another form of termites that eat away at your foundation--it slowly picks at you, creating turmoil and pent up frustration. Having negativity surround your relationship rather than positivity sucks the life out of it and makes it a chore rather than something enjoyable or fun, which is what companionship is all about. Communication and cooperation are key.
7. GOSSIP: The last thing you want to do is talk about your relationship problems with everyone you know but your partner and then have someone else tell them instead of you. Gossip is not a productive way to communicate and it can lead to additional problems on its own. Feelings of betrayal can surface if you lend out personal information sensitive to your relationship, and you want your partner to feel safe and that they can tell you anything--not that they have to watch what they say or do around you for fear that you'll run and blab to your best friend. Turn toward your partner, not away.
8. CONTROLLING: Being possessive is not a positive trait. While it's natural to have certain ways of doing things or the desire to have a situation go your way, it is unhealthy to try and control your partners actions. This usually reflects upon a person's own self-confidence issues. If you feel uncomfortable with your partner talking to someone of the opposite sex or that they may possibly be attracted to, and you tell them they aren't allowed to talk to them--you are putting constraints and rules onto them. We spent 18 years following the rules of our parents, we don't need our SO to tell us what we can and can't do. Controlling behavior can evoke resentment, anger, and rebellion--none of which is healthy to a relationship. Next time you feel like controlling your behavior, think about how your mother used to send you to the corner and remember how pissed off you'd get.
9. ENTITLEMENT: Being self-centered puts yourself first, which is the last thing that a relationship is about. Partners should feel equally important and neither should put themselves on a pedestal to say otherwise. The more self-involved you are, the more you take your relationship for granted, and the less appreciated your partner feels. As humans we thrive off feeling important, and when you constantly want the spotlight or crave to be the center of attention it puts a strain on your relationship. There is joy in both giving and receiving.
10. PASSIVITY: On the other hand, being a completely passive person can have negative effects on relationships as well. A healthy relationship requires the needs and desires of both parties to be met, not just your partner's, and if you allow this to happen then you will never truly be happy. Don't act like a doormat if you don't want to be treated like one. Learn how to stand up for yourself and voice your opinions, because no one wants to be with someone who agrees with everything they say. It just gets boring.
Problems happen, miscommunication is a given, and people don't always get along. It's a fact of life and it comes with any relationship. But it's how you deal with these issues and how you learn from them that improves the partnership. They are life lessons, and all we can do is grow from each situation.