Friday, 20 May 2011
My best friend is of Korean descent - she was adopted when she was a few months old and has been raised on the East Coast in very western culture ever since. Ever since I've known her, she has mostly dated and been attracted to caucasian men. When we were in high school, she found out a guy that she had dated for a brief period of time had a self professed "Asian fetish". Naturally, this kind of disturbed her, as it seemed to demean all the other aspects about her, and made her feel as though he had only been interested in her because of her race.
A few years later, she was seeing a guy when she found out that he had dated mostly Asian girls before her. There was no mention of a "fetish", and there didn't seem to be anything weird about it. But for some reason it turned her off, and they eventually stopped seeing each other.
Now I'm not sure I completely understand this. She has a clear preference for lighter haired caucasian men, and I'm sure she would think it ridiculous if any of them ever insinuated that she might only be interested in them because they are white. It's not a "thing", it's simply who she usually finds herself attracted to. So why does it seem hard for her to understand that some guys might genuinely find themselves more attracted to Asian women?
For me, I personally tend to be attracted to dark hair and slightly darker skinned men, usually of Meditteranian descent. This isn't a formula, nor has it stopped me from meeting or dating other people, but its simply a pattern that has emerged over time. It's not a "fetish", as neither of us directly associate the race or physical appearance of the men we've dated, as something that in itself turns us on.
It seems there are more people sensitive to these issues than I had previously thought. Are men ever sensitive to this? Is it because "Asian fetishes" are something that we're slightly more familiar with? What about "black guys who like white girls"/"girls who like black guys"? The assumption in all of these is that it is not the individual person, their thoughts or personality that is attractive, but only their physical appearance.
Naturally, there ARE some people who have a real "fetish" for one look or race, but where exactly is that line drawn? I'm trying to imagine how I would feel if I dated someone of another race who "only" dated women of my race. I honestly don't think it would bother me at all because I'm confident that I would be able to tell through our interactions whether it was truly ME they were interested in, or the way I looked. But then again, I don't know.
I'm really curious to know if anyone else has experienced this or if it bothers them. Do you find yourself being generally attracted to a certain race (either the same or different from your own)? Would you be offended if you found out someone you were dating only tended to be attracted to women/men of your race?