Tuesday, 17 May 2011
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Do You Follow Dating "Rules"?
A friend of mine recently started dating someone new. She's been single for a couple years, and is a little nervous about getting back into the dating game, especially as this guy happens to be someone she is really beginning to like.
We were discussing how it was going, these the first few dates, and we began to talk about the so called "rules" of dating. You know, that adolescent advice everyone has heard, designed to portray you as completely cool and nonchalant when faced with someone you might really like- waiting 3 days to call a girl after getting her number, or waiting a few hours to text him back even though you got his message and want to respond immediately, etc.
We quickly agreed that while we both encountered guys who did this when we were younger (and probably participated in the game our fair share), this is something that fades or becomes less necessary as one matures. However as we continued talking, we realized that in subtle ways, we all do still follow our own set of internal dating "rules".
Do any of us truly let down our guard when we begin dating someone new? I think we all are inclined to hold back in some way, deny some of our instincts to text or call immediately, or to express just how deep our feelings go.
Sometimes it makes sense, like refraining from telling a guy that you think you'd have cute kids together on your second date, or waiting to reveal your fetish for feet until things have progressed to an appropriate point. But other times, we convince ourselves to follow other "rules", like holding back from telling someone that we love them (or really really like them) because we are afraid it's "too soon".
So do following these "rules" help us or hurt us? Do they guide us on a sensible path into relationship territory, or are they only helping us to hide our true feelings and create a sort of facade of how we think we "should" be acting in the beginning of a relationship?
Do you follow any dating "rules" or not? Are there any guidelines that you think are actually helpful or make sense when dating someone new?
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- From: micah
- Name: micah
- About Me: I am an artist, designer, writer, thinker, dreamer, world-traveler, lover and friend. I am passionate about connecting with others, sharing ideas, collaborating, spreading knowledge and positive energy through whatever medium, whether it be my art, my writing or my personal interactions with friends and strangers.
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Comments (16)
two rules i follow;
- Must be bearable in mind and body
- monogamy before sex is a potencial relationship
If i had another one, probably patience is a good third.
I followed all of those but the trampoline one. whaaaat?
@Formula1_9@xanga - I think its something to do with bouncy boobies. To which, I wouldn't be offended by.. ;) hahaha
4 & 7 were kinda lame.I like to just wing it, especially on dates since spending money is kind of a drag.And rollerskating would be a fabulous date. I'd LOVE that! McDonalds could be iffy, but as long as it's not like, the main focus of the date, I'm sure it'd be okay.
1. Be yourself.
2. The 3-day rule is silly. If you really like them, call them back the next day at the latest.
3. Make eye contact with them and smile.
4. Don't do all the talking and/or listening.
No rules for me. When I have the urge to do or say something, I do or say it. Holding back doesn't make you smart or look like a good catch, it makes you fake and a liar. If you can be around someone and pretend you don't care, or not text someone back because you want to play hard to get, then you're not being who you REALLY are. I think that's even worse than coming out on a first date and saying, "I love you". I mean, atleast you're being real. Don't let "rules" limit your potential.
The only rules I've ever heard before were the wait three days to call, and the no kissing/sex till the third date. Though I don't think I'd ever follow any rules if I was to ever actually start dating. I'm too impulsive and just go with how I feel so I do whatever feels right to me...which usually isn't right heh.
Relax, be myself, ignore nervousness and just try to have a good time. Remember that there are no requirements, I do not have to do anything, nor does she, and if it progresses, then great, if it doesn't, then try asking someone else.
I think more rules will come as more dates come and go, but I think the maximum requirement is too pick somewhere nice, wear nice clothes, be yourself and above all try to enjoy yourself.
I think all those fucking rules are outdated. 'Cause not one fucking person goes by them.
don't eat any foods prone to gas buildup prior to the date, because fart bombs is human nature, but try to avoid it on the first date
I won't feel like giving him a kiss with the lingering smells
unless he sprays cologne afterwards to mask some of the smell
don't be overly sexually eager by moving your hands on my thigh at the movie theatre. holding my hand while laying on my shoulder like a cooing puppydog is ok though
don't use any rehearsed lines. some are funny but mostly tacky. I'd probably laugh at the first line, but after that, if he keeps spewing lines from some book or website that I've already seen/heard, I'll feel nauseous-_-
don't repeatedly fidget on your cell phone during the date. unless it is a life threatening emergency, then whoever is calling/texting you can wait until after the date to return their calls/messages.
don't intentionally ignore me for days if you are interested in me. I don't expect him to reply immediately, but if he ignores me or says that he is very busy when he isn't necessarily that busy, then I'll take it that he isn't that interested. if he is actually very busy, then tell me, so I won't waste my time expecting things that aren't plausible if I prefer to talk/go out more,etc.
I've never heard of any of these rules...
i always had rules, but i never quite followed them. ever. i think they were formulated to fit my first legitimate crush, but from then on, they just didn't matter.
i have a 3 date rule for kissing, i wanna see how much i like him before anything physical happens.
Dating rules...? haha.
Nah. I would consider myself pretty straightforward.I think a guy is cute, I tell him. If we click, I ask him out. If not, move on to the next cute boy.
What other rules can there be..?
As for the image, I disagree with #6. Sensations are 3x heightened when the lights are off.
I don't follow rules especially when it comes to dating. I don't think there are any general rules except what you make it to be..
Yes, your date is not your property but a lady needs to remember who she came with and if she wants to hit on other guys she should end the date before she does so. That's just proper date etiquette.
As long as both parties respect on another, have fun together doing WHATEVER THE HELL THEY WANT, and have unconditional love for each other then that's all that matters XD!