Tuesday, 17 May 2011
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Is This Considered Cheating?
Scenario:Your boyfriend once hooked up with this girl that he was interested in last year. The reason they ended up just friends wasn't because he didn't like her anymore, it was because she had rejected him after hooking up. They became friends again, and also became very touchy. This all happened before he even met you.
One year passes and you come into the picture. You start dating him, and you guys are clearly exclusive without a doubt...and she's still there, kissing him on the cheek! At first, this only happened at parties when she was tipsy. Then you realize she does this when she's sober too. THEN you realize sometimes your boyfriend kisses her back, or blows kisses to her.
You tell him this isn't okay with you. He argues with you for an hour, and then decides you're right. He promises you at the next available opportunity he will tell her to stop. A few weeks later, she goes up to him, while you're standing there watching, and gives him a big wet kisses on the cheek, sound effects included.
He doesn't say a word.
It takes him 3 months before he finally tells her it's not okay.
Would you be upset?
I am no longer with this person anymore, but months later, even when we've broken up for almost two months, I can't get over it. He has done things to show me he won't let it happen again, but it hurt me so much when it did happen. Why can't I get over it? And am I allowed to be upset?
How would you react?
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- From: breakup_hero@xanga
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Comments (54)
. . . . Yeah, find someone who doesn't have any lingering feelings left for any person of the past.
I wouldn't call it cheating, but I definitely don't think it's okay either.
It's not cheating, but it is something you need to discuss if it bothers you. I've known people who are okay when others greet their SO with a kiss on the cheek (because that's how some people greet others). If it bothers you the next time it happens with your next SO, be sure to tell them right away and resolve it.
You're not with him anymore. I say cut your losses and move on.
I wouldn't say it's cheating but I'd be pissed off as well.And why didn't YOU say anything when she kissed him loudly on the cheek? I would have said something.
I would consider it a mild form of cheating, since he seems to actually have feelings for her/they have hooked up in the past. Dude sounds sketchy to me. I wouldn't trust him either.
If you are not okay with it and you told him calmly, and he ignores your feelings, it's cheating.
It's not cheating, not exactly, but the fact that he wasn't being respectful of your feelings for it would be a huge no-no.
I would react the same. If I asked him to stop and he didn't then he's a dick.
Derp
yah...i'd be pretty pissed off.
it was just the cheek. give the boy (and more importantly, yourself) a break.
also, contrary to what some others have said, i doubt that after a year he still has feelings for. with our mighty robot powers, we get sick of things much quicker than you girls.
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I would be upset to. It would have been very simple of him to stop those cheek kisses but instead he decided to continue hurting your feelings.
I once had a boyfriend tickle fight with an ex-girlfriend of his. I asked him calmly not to continue doing things of that nature and he responded " I'm not going to change how I act with my friends" *rolls eyes*
I wouldn't consider it "cheating", but there's no way I'd be happy with it. You have every right to be mad at that.
It's not a big deal.
I'd be very upset.
It's not wrong in itself. Some people just do that in greeting. It's wrong because you told him it bothered you and he still didn't do anything about it.
Cheating? No. Disrespectful and unacceptable? Yes.
I believe there are many different types of cheating. I had a similar situation and he was in love with her while I was in the picture. We broke up because of a lot of conflict and a lot involving that girl. She's played him and even "dated" after we broke up.
I think that in your situation it was not okay for that to have gone on. He should have respected that it was not okay with you and to stop it right away, not three months later.
Definitely not cheating. Not even wrong in the fact that it's just a kiss on the cheek. Though since it bothered you and you told him it is a bit wrong. Though it's really awkward to tell someone to stop doing something you and they both might feel is innocent just because your gf/bf is jealous of it. Especially if that's how the relationship was between them before you even came into their lives. And he did eventually tell her to stop doing it, and I think she did from what you said. So it shouldn't bother you anymore, especially now that you two are split.
If you're not okay with it, and you tell him, then it's not okay if he keeps doing it.
Get over him! It ain't worth it for you to still be concerned about this. You did the right thing.
That's not ok. He wouldn't be blowing kisses at her if he still didn't have feelings for her. You are COMPLETELY justified in how you felt. I'm glad you left him and I hope you find someone who is more caring and is dedicated to just you (not kissing some other girl on the side). :)
disrespectful. I think she continues to kiss him in front of you to see what she can get away with, so if you don't say anything, then she'll continue to do it. I'd set that flirty biatch straight in her face. when I read this, I had an urge to slap her:P glad you ended it because it wasn't cheating but very disrespectful.
It isn't cheating in my opinion. There is something to be said for trying to accommodate a SO's feelings, and also such a thing as accepting a SO for who/what they are.
Of course you're allowed to be upset. No one can take that right away from you. Whether or not it's cheating is always going to be a matter of opinion, but that doesn't matter, you can break up with someone for any reason, if the relationship isn't working for you, or your needs are not met, you don't have to apologize for moving on. You needed more security than he was willing or able to give you. that's ok. It's valid for you to need what you need, and for him to need what he needs. Apparently some of his sense of security comes from being able to be touchy feely with more than one woman at once. sounds like your styles don't mesh and moving on was a smart decision.