Sunday, 15 May 2011
-
Leftovers From an Ex
Today a friend of mine came to me in shock at what her boyfriend had just revealed to her. She couldn't believe it.Basically, the story goes like this:
So a quilt that she has used on various occasions while staying with him had finally worn out. When she suggested he fix it so that he could keep it due to sentimental value, he agreed with her. Then when she asked him who had made it assuming it was an aunt, mother or grandma, he comes out with this answer: HIS EX GIRLFRIEND from a few years back!
She was stunned. This was a quilt she and her boyfriend used every time she was over at his place... never knowing it was something an old love of his had made for him. She was angry he had kept it for so long. Angry that she had started to associate it with something of theirs thinking it was a family gift.
Now... I don't know how I would feel. There is something twisted about this situation but I am not sure why it feels so wrong.
What do you think? Should she be so freaked out?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: ShirleyD@xanga
- Name: Shirley
- Location:
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 10 Views: 0 37222 Comments: 0 440 View all posts by ShirleyD@xanga
Comments (29)
I don't think its a huge deal. Some things are just reminders of a time in your life, some things just look good, etc. I have a necklace my ex bought for me that he bought me because I liked how it looks. I still like how it looks, so why should I not wear it?? It has absolutely no emotional value to me, and it was decently priced, so why on earth should I get rid of it? Its likely that its just a comfortable blanket, so he kept it around.
Herpes?
He probably just liked the quilt. Guys don't always attach any kind of feelings to an object just because a girl gave it to them. He either likes your friend or he doesn't without any respects to the quilt.
If he can use it, why throw it out? I could understand if he were keeping old love letters or cards or photos, but it's just a blanket. And now she's using it. His ex probably never meant for it to be used by another girl, haha.
If he said it to her like that, he's probably not holding onto it because of bullshit sentimental value. He knows nice quilts are expensive. She needs to stop being dramatic.
I don't think it's a big deal... They're obviously not together and when they were they meant something to each other. She needs to suck it up and be happy that he knows how to value what is given to him. They used it together, how is finding out where it came from make a difference now??
So? I have all my presents from ex-boyfriends. I'm not about to throw something an ex-boyfriend gave me away, just because our relationship has ended...that's so ridiculous. I have presents, photo frames, stuffed animals, pillows, clothes, jewellery...why chuck it out? That's just a waste.
All good feedback. Though the herpes is random. lol. I say I have to agree with you guys. I have a few things I kept that were gifts from exes. Maybe it is her hysteria that got me thinking there is something wrong about it. I mean, it is a little weird but it is her in that quilt at the end of the day afterall. I will relay this to her.
Much thanks..
I still use hoodies, wear t-shirts, and lounge in sweatpants I was given from various exes/guys I was dating over the years. Doesn't mean I'm still carrying a burning torch for them, just means that it's stuff I find useful.
Just because someone gives you a dog as a present doesn't mean you shoot the dog when you break up, know what I mean?
My dad still has a quilt his girlfriend made for him back when he was in his twenties. It's never bugged my mom. I think the part that would bug me is that he didn't tell her in the beginning. It's not like he was hiding it though. He did tell her when she asked. There's a saying that goes with making assumptions, right? :)
I don't see the big deal.
She didn't ask him who made it before, and he told her honestly when she asked. She shouldn't be freaking out. Quilts are nice and functional. If it was a picture of her or something I could understand, but he probably just kept it because it was a nice gift. She needs to realize that she's the CURRENT girlfriend. Who cares about the exes?
Why so upset? There is no rule saying a person has to burn everything their former SO has given to them once the relationship is over.
If it's something that can be used then why not keep it? If her one of his exs gave him a toaster or a set of dishes would she expect him to throw that out too? It doesn;t always make since to throw out things that someone gave you just because your relationship ended.
She is overreacting. Especialy since it was from an ex a few years back. I would maybe find out why they broke up. Also the quilt was handmade. That is something that should just not be thrown out. As a sewer myself, i would be super pissed if I found out some threw away something I made for them when it is working condition.
guys don't think that way
to him it serves a purpose - keeps you and him warm and cuddly (barf).
with guys - consider the surface of things
ie., the simplest explanation is the right one.
Meh don't overreact. Just ask why he kept it. He probably just uses it cause he likes it. My boyfriend wears a scarf an ex gave him. He uses it cause he likes it. Not because he's hanging on to some ex.
I don't think it is a big deal we have have keepsakes from our past I have earrings,necklaces, a musicbox I even have a huge painting one ex gave me it doesn't mean I am still in love it just means I an human with a past
I think she was disappointed because she thought that it was a treasured family heirloom passed down to him, so she shared the quilt as if it was special, only to find out that it didn't mean anything to him in particular
I see why she is feeling disconnected because she thought that the quilt had a connection with the two of them, but it didn't, it was just a blanket. I think she was mad, not because he kept things from his ex, but he didn't tell her exactly who made it, although she could've just asked in the beginning, so she felt foolish thinking that it was a special family heirloom, yet he saw it as some practical whatever blanket.
The issue isn't "should she or shouldn't she" feel the way she does - it's what she does with her feelings. Her strong response is because being reminded that she hasn't been her boyfriends one-and-only is upsetting to her. She now has a choice - does she feel secure in their relationship to trust him or are the feelings a "red-flag" to something in the relationship that isn't quite right? Now if it's a red-flag, it could be a sign that she needs to work on trust issues just as much as it could be a sign that the boyfriend has issues - either way she should pay attention to the feeling and deal with it!
I have a drug store hair brush from an ex of mine.. I still use it. It's kind of a funny story how I ended up with it, but it holds no value to it, and I don't even think of him when I use it..
He probably stopped thinking of his ex awhile ago whenever he sees/uses the quilt.
I think girls literally own the right to hate "the ex" so it comes with no surprise that she was so infuriated by the history of the quilt. However, guys are extremely insensitve and practical, they would probably keep gifts from ex's just because they can still use them.
Yes, he's obviously thinking of his ex and busy masturbating into the quilt every time he uses it.
I never understood why people should have to throw away perfectly good items just because a relationship has ended. I still wear jewelry that my ex gave me and actually still have a blanket that he gave me as well (I still keep it on my bed after 4 years after our break up). The items don't have any emotional significance anymore but I'm not about to throw away nice things just because we broke up.
If their relationship didn't end badly, I don't think it matters. I have exes that I have fond memories of, even if it didn't work out. It doesn't mean I miss them, or cry over the things I have leftover from them, but they were a part of my life. Unless they hurt me or caused a lot of pain, there should be no reason for me to get rid of leftovers. I have a flag that my ex had flown over Afghanistan while he was there, and I plan on keeping it, because it's very special. It doesn't mean I'm keeping it to hold onto him.
I had one ex that ripped my heart out, and I threw away everything leftover from him. So it just depends. I understand her feeling, but I don't think it's really a big deal.
She should be freaked out if he had made up a lie about where he got it from and she found out later. I feel that usually, when a guy can talk freely about such a thing, it shows that he is pretty much over any feelings he may have had for said ex. So, I think she's fairly safe. She could perhaps see if he'd be okay with the idea of donating it or some such. That may help her to feel like he has truly let go if he can get rid of it. However, she should replace it with some other type of blanket.
Best wishes,
~*Akarui Mitsukai*~