Saturday, 14 May 2011
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Traveling the Journey of Understanding - Transgenderism
When coming out, it is often quite easy to want people to accept and understand things right away. While this may be the case for a few people in your life, it is not the case for every single one of them. That is why it has become my firm conviction to do what I can to help my friends along the journey of trying to understand and accept me-heck that is part of the reason I blog!I had 20 years to figure myself out and am still working on accepting myself completely. Now I don't want my friends and family to take 20 years to come to accept me, but I do understand that it takes time. It takes education, explanation, experience. I try not to come out to someone, then right away demand that they only call me M and be completely fine with everything. I am a firm believer in helping people to understand. I want them to understand me. I want to share myself with them, so that they cannot only understand me but also transgenderism in general.
That is half the reason I ended up coming out at school officially, I wanted to open myself up to those in the community so that they would come in contact with the concept of transgenderism. Even if they do not accept me fully now, I have a chance to educate and impact people. If my impact softens the blow for future transgendered students, or for future transgendered people that come across the paths of those who know me- then I will have succeeded. The same goes with this blog- I want to help educate people so that they can accept me and others like me.
Of course, for me to be respectful like this to those I come in contact with, I then expect them to be respectful of me. I want to see people making honest progress in coming to understand and accept me. I want to see them getting to know the real me. And for the most part, this strategy has really been helpful in coming out. Many friends, family members, blog readers, and people I have come in contact with have made major progress.
However there is also a worry of limiting myself, and taking half acceptance over true acceptance. When do I ask that people be okay with me presenting how I feel comfortable? When do I ask people to use female pronouns for me? When do I expect people to be cool with understanding me as a female. I am often a bit of a pushover... as much as I love pushing buttons... I also love being nice and caring to those I come in contact with and like to give them time. But at what point am I limiting myself for no reason?
It is a hard journey, a complex journey. One that I will likely travel the rest of my life. I am excited to be on this journey. I am excited to make a difference. I am excited to be myself, and accept myself. I am excited for those who truly accept and care for me as I am. I am excited for life.
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About the Author
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- From: mooshpitmatt@xanga
- Name: M (Pronounced Em)
- Location: Grand Rapids, Michigan, United States
- About Me: I'm just another human being trying to understand who I am and what I want to do with my life. I'm transgendered. Meaning I was born male, but identify as female
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Comments (12)
First off, well done for writing the blog. I am sure it is no big deal, considering the other challenges you have faced and overcome in your life, but still, your putting yourself out there in a system that positively encouraged abuse due to anonymity. So I think you have a lot of courage.
I have to say for me, and probably for many others, this is the first time I have even indirectly communicated with someone who is transgendered. I must admit I am curious as too how one comes upon this choice, what drives it and how you ended up where you are, but I assume you will cover that in later blogs so I am happy to wait for such answers.
However I would ask one thing, and I hope you will appreciate I want to enlighten my ignorance, and not cause offence. So, why did you have the operation? I have heard plenty of arguments, such as "They must just feel female", or "they are attracted to men" and even the plain daft, "they despise who they were and want freedom in a new identity". So if you could help me understand.
Why did you have the operation?
I dunno... I have never been down with this. My sister is tranSEXUAL. A guy now, well she has been for years. It's weird because I say she when she is a he and bleh. Too complicated. I prefer people stick to what they were born with. If you have a dick, embrace it. A woman, enjoy your lady bits. But transgender is different from transexual right? So if you are transgender you will just be overly feminine? Like a flamboyant homosexual? That sounds fine to me. Transexual though is a bit much in my book. I don't like the idea of snipping, cutting, or tucking anything especially in the privates. I mean if someone has the bravery to do it whatevs but I don't like the idea. So to each their own. Long as you are happy. Good luck!
Ah I apologize ahead of time if I worded anything offensively. This isn't something easily written about to begin with so it's hard to be sensitive when choosing the proper wording.
W00t! go you! the only thing hard for me when coming in contact with a transgender person is figuring what pronoun to use.. X.x
@ShirleyD@xanga - People have every right to do what they want to their own bodies. I hope your sister->brother is a happy person now.
Marvelous post. :)
Wow. Go you! Coming out to a school seems like it would be a challenge, but I'm sure in the end it is worth it.
I think that pronouns are little compared to the rest of the picture. If you are treated with respect by others, that's the big deal.I personally have little issue with changing pronouns for others, but I think it does help if you ask directly if it is a very large issue for you. Sometimes people just don't know!I love this :) I had a teacher at school who was transsexual - born male, he (now she) had a sex change over one summer holiday, and returned to school as a woman. My school was a Christian private school, and she was openly accepted and applauded for doing what she did. Don't let any hatred get you down - do whatever makes you happy, and best of luck for the future! :)
Kudos to you for setting an example for others. In just a few hours I'll be attending a ceremony where my friend celebrates his legal name change to a man's name. (Frankly, I have no idea what to expect, but I was told there will be beer, so I'm there!)
You asked when you should expect them to start calling you different pronouns.
I would say everyone is different and will take things differently. I don't think there should be a "set time". You're already being understanding about time. I think the time you SHOULD push back is if they're under lying motive is disrespect for you. Like trying to sway your mindset or insisting you're not. Some people will just take time, feel confused even. Change for anyone is hard in any form.
@ShirleyD@xanga - for having a brother who is transexual, you sure are undereducated about this. I feel sorry for him.
"Like a flamboyant homosexual?" No not at all. Most transgender/transexuals consider themselves straight. Your BROTHER probably likes girls? This girl probably likes guys. By calling him a flamboyent homosexual your just saying he's really just a guy who who likes guys. But that's not it at all. If you love your brother at all, you'd educate yourself. These people are born with the wrong parts and that's it. Psychologically this person is a girl, psychologically your brother is a boy. Can you at least understand how incredibly ridiculous you sound when you tell them "so what if you feel like me, a girl INSIDE, your still a guy OUTSIDE, so deal with it".
@FallingSafely@xanga - Whoa there chupacabra, put your fangs back in.
I apologized in advance for any improper wording and asked questions about it. I stated I didn't know the differences and seeing as how I have been estranged from her since I was 9, I never saw a reason to educate myself on this subject. I was young when all this happened so I was hoping for a better explanation in the differences which you so failed to do with your ignorant angry reply to me. Maybe in the future it is best if you want to get a point across, to kindly state the differences like a civilized human being. She contacted me a few years ago and she has the beard and man gut plus the girlfriend too. Do I care exactly how or what is up with her change? Not really. Underneath she is still my sister to me. I love her all the same.
@OstentatiousEloquence@xanga - Yes they do have a right to do whatever they want with their bodies. I concur.
The last time I spoke to him/ her, he was happy as can be.
@ShirleyD@xanga - what exactly gave you the impression I was angry? You came across in your initial post as very ignorant and by choice. And apologizing ahead of time isn't a very good excuse. Anyone can apologize to lessen the blow, but in the end it's just words. "I'm sorry Joe, but you're ugly".
There is no real difference between the two. My point was that they are both human beings with feelings and that you shouldn't talk about it like they have some sort of choice in the matter. They don't
You can't tell my emotions over xanga. I am not angry. I was not angry. I was being informative. I'm sorry if you took it that way. I can't admit to being the best communicator of my emotions.