Basically, I'm completely lost and I'm frantically searching for an answer and solution to this problem. I'm in love with my boyfriend, Jeremy. He's bi-sexual, and I'm cool with it.
We have a mutual friend, Kevin, who's straight. Kevin has the hots for me, and has for a while. We've become the best of friends this year. 2 days ago, my boyfriend told me he has had feelings for Kevin for quite some time. I was devastated and I felt betrayed, sort of like our relationship had been a lie because he had been in a committed relationship with me while having feelings and lusting after somebody else.
Last night, Jeremy and I were talking and he basically gave me an ultimatum that I either date him and stop being friends with Kevin (because he wants to get over Kevin and has major jealousy problems. He's jealous of me for being around Kevin and jealous of Kevin flirting with me) or that we break up and he resents me and I stay friends with Kevin.
We broke up. I could not choose between the two of them because Kevin has been a very dear friend to me and we're really close, but I love Jeremy. We came to a conclusion that we will break up and give him time to get over Kevin and if we still have feelings for each other - then we'll get back together.
I'm not satisfied with this solution. I feel like I'm being put on hold while he figures out what he wants. I'm considering telling Kevin we can't be friends... which would be hard - but maybe it would get my boyfriend back. I'm having major regrets on my decision and I want him back.
Everyone tells me my situation is good enough to have a novel written about it, haha.
Has anyone gone through anything similar? Any advice? Thank you.
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Comments (62)
If your boyfriend has feeling for someone else, you shouldn't date him. I know you love him & it's hard, but your friend did NOTHING to hurt you so why the hell would you hurt him like that? What kind of friend would that make you, to throw away his friendship no a gamble of a relationship? Do you want to be that person...?
On the other hand, your boyfriend's heart is clearly prone to straying... I say, be loyal to the one who was loyal to you.
That sounds like a mess. Stick with Kevin. It will be much easier on you, bb. Trust me.
seriously? in general if the person you are with is lusting over and wanting to be with someone else so bad they are throwing out ultimatums... its time to GTFO. just cuz he is bi, doesnt make it okay! seriously, what the hell is wrong with you lol. wow
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im sorry to hear that :( ..
@haltija@xanga - i agree ..
Wow, tough situation. :S
I think you made the right choice. In the end, friends are more important that boyfriends anyway... they're always there for you, whereas boyfriends come and go. It's definitely not fair of Jeremy to give you an ultimatum, because it's difficult to choose between 2 people you care so much about. Again, I totally think you made the right choice and who knows, maybe something might happen between you and Kevin?
Good luck nonetheless. (:
I always thought dating a bisexual would come with many problems that aren't black & white. Unfortunately, I don't have much advice on this but good luck & just do what makes you happy..
Weird.
I think it's okay to lust for someone. Just try to stop yourself and stay away from them or in public places.
I think you made a great decision.
I don't think it's worth it if anyone pushes you to make the decision to choose one person over the other. It's not fair for you or your friend.
@SentimentalDoll@xanga - I quite agree.
You made the right choice. Friends will be there for you and boyfriends are rarely permanent. If he cared about you, he wouldn't have gave you that kind of ultimatum. Your ex-boyfriend has to overcome some things that only he can overcome and all you can do is let him alone until he finishes his journey.
Why would you want to keep dating a guy who doesn't like you? Or why would you keep dating a guy who has problems with jealousy and being controlling (that's what it sounds like)? It seems like you made a good choice.
I don't like ultimatums. But, I think you made the right choice. As @SentimentalDoll@xanga , friends will always be there for you in the end. And to make you choose because of their insecurity is selfish.
What a mess. Getting out of the situation is the right thing to do.
menage?
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Oh, I hadn't thought of that.
@laytexduckie@xanga - @Heatedflame@xanga - @SentimentalDoll@xanga - Thank you for the advice :) but a detail I forgot to mention in the post is that my boyfriend (whom I've been dating for about 5 months) has also been my best friend for 2 years. So it's not as simple as saying that boyfriends come and go and friends are here to stay because he was my best friend before we dated - and is still my best friend.
@mudkiwi@xanga - You're welcome. (:
but oh, that's a tough one. :S I guess it really is just playing the waiting game then, since you can't force him to make a decision. I hope that you can get back with him, and still keep Kevin around as a friend. If not though, and you end up losing someone, remember that it's a part of life, heartbreaks happen, and there will always be someone there to help you through it. <3
@mudkiwi@xanga - I've been in that exact situation, except mine was my BFF and BF for 5 years almost. But, sometimes, you have to throw in the towel before things get so ugly that every conversation turns into a screaming match. Trust me, you'll get through it. I finally broke up with mine (after almost 6 months of trying to end things), and though it took us almost 9 months and cancer to get here, we can now have a conversation as best friends and leave it at that.
Good luck!
Bros before hoes.
Overly simplistic(and not entirely appropriate in context), but I think although it's hard to lose someone you love, friends are...friends, you know?Besides, I can't see some kind of trust/insecurity issue NOT popping up if you guys did get back together. I'm sure it never ran across your mind that he would be that serious about someone else until he mentioned it.
Don't let men give you an ultimatum. I promise you if you are supposed to be together, fate will make it happen. So maybe date Kevin and see where things go you never know you could be better off friends or it could be even better then you thought. If Jeremy really loves you he'll be back, you can count on that.
90210 - boyfriends come and go, but friends are there like forever
@lonelystrangergirl@xanga - that's what i'm here for
Usually, i really try to see both sides of a situation, but this just sounds way too wacko for me.
If you dont mind that he's bi then that 's cool, but the fact that he's telling you stop being friends with Kevin cuz he likes him. oh please! If he can't get over it without the ultimatum then he has a problem and he needs to figure it out on his own. His feelings will NOT go away just because you stopped being friends with Kevin. It doesnt work like that.
If him liking Kevin bothers him that much...have you ever thought about how fast he would dump you if Kevin was gay or bi? That thought would bother me way too much if i was in this situation.