Friday, 13 May 2011
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Going Back to Ex's - Bad Behavior?
Has anyone else ever had the urge to go back to old boyfriends or old crushes after having been the dumper or dumpee? Well, I do. I constantly search for my ex's when I'm alone. Why? I don't know, maybe I don't want to feel alone anymore or at that exact moment in time. I know it's wrong, even though some people may say it's not. Yeah, ex's are always a little attracted to each other, but you broke up for a reason, and you DON'T want to go back to that.I'm friends with pretty much every guy I've had a crush on or dated, which is weird because it is more typical to go from friends to a relationship, but not me! I'm all about relationships to friends. Maybe that means I'm destined to be forever alone.
And for me it's not just a thought - it's an action. I do flirt with them (a lot), and then I kinda back away once I think they are actually interested (does that make me a bad person?). Generally it passes, but it takes a few months to get past that phase, and onto the "manhunt." It's just easier to go back to someone who might have actually loved you, than going through the pain and trouble of trying to find a new person who will love you.
A little flirting never hurt anyone, right?
Does anyone else ever have the urge to go back to someone that they previously dated?
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- From: Anonymous0622@xanga
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- About Me: Hello to whom it may concern :). I'm a friendly new blogger ...i don't usually blog stuff but u know, lately I felt the need to. I'm really good at listening, and giving advice. So if anyone out there needs any, I'm here to listen.
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Comments (23)
I used to do the same thing. I went back to one of my exes SO many times. He did the same to me, as well. In fact, we were once both in bad relationships at the same time and confided in one another and even called each other every night. We used each other as an excuse to know that someone would always care, so that we never truly had to be alone, even though he and I would never get back together. It was SO WRONG. He and I both needed to be alone and confident, learning about ourselves without needing another person. I broke the cycle and now I'm not so weak anymore.
some relationships don't end well, so going back isn't an option, nor is it a good idea. i personally wouldn't, and it's like you said, "you broke up for a reason."
i have the problem of always thinking that time will fix our problems, and after we grow up, we'll find each other again and get back together.
getting back together is always an option in my head, and i KNOW its wrong.
i hold on to relations with my exes after we break up because i keep thinking, "one day we'll be back together again." stupid.
that hasnt been the case yet (ive only had 3 boyfriends before) but they do tend to come back as close friends at least.
right now my ex is unwilling to let me go as well and i KNOW if he does that i wont be able to let go of the thought of getting back together with him...so im blocking all communication with him until that feeling passes
It's a woman thing.
chinese proverb: a good horse doesn't eat grass that she has once chewed on. lolol.
i have done that like more than ten times to an ex and finally learned it's best to let him go. so i strongly discourage re-chewingNo, because they treat me as their little sisters in the end. =.=
I get that urge frequently, but it fades over time.
my problem is that if i dont have time off away from my exes, i always want to get back together with them, even if i know its not right...
oh god i go through it all the time .. its like i hate the "starting all over" phase with someone else when i have ahistory with an ex .. ugh .. wish it stopped .. but i wish to meet my real soulmate
I've had those moments when I wanted to be with my ex but then I remember what transpired between us and my thoughts are, "Helllll nooooo!"
No, I wouldn't want to be back with my ex. Ever. Especially since he had lied to me about his age, name, job, nationality, and eventually used the money he tricked me into giving him, for a sex change (crazy story, but that was my life unfortunately).
No way. I feel like going back to someone just because you miss them and don't want to search for someone new is kind of using them, because on some level you know it's not really going to work out with them.
@Pysia89@xanga - Holy shit. Also how much money did you give him? That's insane. Sorry it worked out that way for you.
@thisiswhereItellyoueverything@xanga - a lot... I was lucky, or unlucky enough to have quite a bit of money of my own at the time because of someone who fell asleep behind the wheel and hit me and my family. What could I do though? I thought it was for a necessary heart surgery for someone I cared about...
I went back to an ex once. Horrible mistake. He promised what happened before wouldn't happen again, and guess what? It did.
An ex is an ex for a reason.
Yes ! I've had those urges. Having one right now : /
But you're right. The break up happened for a reason better to move on. easier said then done but it's gotta be done.
Yes, but I resist. Funny thing is, my exes do this with ME. So it's the opposite. Currently the 2 most significant ex-boyfriends (who both have girlfriends) have been confiding in me and texting me just about every day.. I tend to stay friends with my exes too, like you. But anyway I won't hear from these exes for a bit and then suddenly they go through phases of wanting to talk to me all the time. Wish they were this nice & attentitive when I actually liked them, haha. hmmm.
You're doing it because it is easy but it's also a dead end. Get out and meet some new people.
i had the thoughts yes
But did i do it ?
HELL NO!?!?
EXes are an X* for a reason
I decided to give him a second chance, but that was a huge mistake. Most men don't change, and certianly not very quickly. I learned my lesson the hard way. As the saying goes- they're not in your life for a reason. He just recently put up a private voicemail message of mine on YouTube and sent it to all his friends, making fun of me. No one deserves that kinda bull. There are good guys out there, and thankfully I think I just found one recently who's helped me feel better about the whole thing. My ex played mind games and was emotionally abusive. I felt bad for him because of his issues. Even if I felt bad doesn't mean I should stay if all he does is treat me like dirt. Moving on. . . .
well, Im super guilty of this too.
& you're right. I think 'It's just easier to go back to someone who might have actually loved
you, than going through the pain and trouble of trying to find a new
person who will love you.' is the freakin accurate answer as to why people do it.
It seems like i wrote this post, i am in the same boat right now.
I have been missing my most recent ex like crazy and I tell him everyday... and last night he said he missed me too...
I have that urge right now. He wants so much to be with me again, but I am scared of getting hurt.
But you're right. Break-ups happen for a reason..